Boys and teasing

Two boys suiting up for hockey. One jumps up and asks the other-- hey!!! do you like singing? Isn't singing fun? Second boy says singing is stupid. First boy agrees. Singing is stupid. The parents, who are all there, do not say anything. The parents of the singer (and they must know this child thinks singing is fun) simply allow their child to confirm that singing is stupid.

And that is how it starts. That is why it is so difficult for boys to be artists in our society.

Or figure skaters.

I've seen hockey coaches making fun of the boys in figure skating (who by the way could kick most of their skaters' asses). I have seen many many skating directors push boys into hockey, whether or not the child has expressed an interest.  Even at the tot level the non-hockey classes at many rinks are overwhelmingly female. That's not an accident.

It's common to see figure skating teachers recommend hockey for kids who seem like they'd enjoy that. I have never heard of a hockey coach suggesting that a kid switch to figure skating, although it defies imagination that no hockey coach has ever encountered a child who might be a better figure skater than hockey skater. When I proposed this to a hockey coach once he told me that they encourage the kids who don't like hockey to switch to football or soccer. For real.

My son was a musician from infancy; fortunately so is his father; he also went to a school that very much honored artists whatever their gender so he never experienced the type of input that I observed at the rink between those two boys.

At the rink figure skating boys do not get anything but support within the figure skating community. But at home and in school they need positive reinforcement; the idiots who equate art with homosexuality (because that is frankly at the heart of it) need to be educated. Here are some suggestions, if you have a boy in figure skating:

Throw a skating birthday party for the boys
In addition to making skating seem like a normal thing to do, it also takes the mystery out of it. Let the hockey boys see how well your boy skates. Let the non-skaters see how hard this is. With older boys, a skating party has the additional benefit of demonstrating how popular your figure skating boy is with the girls, because God has not created an individual more popular with the girls than a high school boy who skates well. 

Bring the cub scouts
or other youth group. Figure skating is accepted for the sports pin. Many rinks partner with local girl scouts groups for their badge (girl scouts has an actual figure skating badge); see if you can get your rink to do a program like this for boy scouts, or set up the necessary documentation for regular classes. More about boy scouts and skating here. (Thanks Blue Eyed Cat for the link.)

Create classes for boys
Segregated classes, especially for middle and high school boys, has been a strategy for dance companies for decades.  Older boys don't want to look stupid to girls, and very few middle schoolers want to take a Pre-alpha class with 5 year olds. Boys also have very different pacing and learning styles than a lot of girls-- they need classes that move faster, that have less standing around, and that involve an unavoidable level of crashing into walls (just kidding, haha no I'm not). Further, by middle school, the girls are really good and the boys feel dumb stumbling around in front of them.  The thing is that athletic kids who start skating at 9 or 10 or even older very quickly catch up. You don't have to start skating at 4 to be doing doubles by high school. Get them into boys-only classes and by the time they're in high school they'll be all caught up.

Honor the boys
There are lots of pictures of hockey boys at every rink I've ever worked at. Yet even at rinks where there have been extremely successful skaters there are no pictures of boys in figure skates (we're talking Ben Agosto-Jason Brown level of success. But no pictures). This is partially a structural problem-- the hockey shrines are generally funded by booster clubs, which tend not to exist in figure skating. This is another one where parents of boys need to talk to rink management about making sure that there is an affirmative action plan, so to speak, that gets the boys recognized.

Our society needs to get over its conflating of artistic talent and homosexuality, which is what is at the heart of this. (And not to get cliche'd , but 'not that there's anything wrong with that'). Parents of figure skating boys are the front line in the battle.

What have you done to help promote boys' involvement in figure skating (and this goes for the parents of girls, too)?

Happy Anniversary!

Just wanted to pop in quickly and say Happy Birthday to Xanboni. I put up my first post on this day in 2009, and I have lots more to say (albeit more infrequently than in the past).

The best part of the blog is the great friends I've made online, so shout out to Blue Eyed Cat, Jeff Chapman (LA Skate Dad), Josette Plank, Maria Mom of 2, a couple of Anons whose voices I now recognize, Jenny from Ice Charades, the late lamented Ice Mom (blog, as far as I know, Ice Mom herself is fine), "St. Lidwina," and many many others.

Let me know your favorite posts from the past 4 years in the comments!

Love,

Xan

(P.S. Thanks, http://www.claryandersonarena.com/ for the image!)

Protocol

Protocol, or protocols, is a system of rules for correct conduct and procedures to be followed in designated situations.  Every system and situation has protocols, some quite formal and codified, and some more "common law."

We tend to think of protocol as a diplomatic thing-- should Americans curtsey to the Queen, for instance, but these sorts of generally accepted rules also guide everyday situations. Do you call your doctor by her first name? How about your child's second grade teacher?  Who gets the last seat in a crowded room, or on the train? We all know these things because of accepted protocols, and we're all offended when they are violated.

Figure skating sessions do have protocols as well, and in fact very specific ones for very specific situations, having less to do with diplomacy and more with safety. So here's a few.

Right of way
Right of way on free skate sessions is very specific, and universal. Lower level skaters have the right of way. Therefore, no stink eye allowed by the Novice level skater toward the pokey, tentative Freestyle 2 skater. Someone running a program with music and the pinney or belt on has the right of way. Someone in a lesson has the right of way. On Pairs and Dance sessions, a team executing a lift has the right of way. 

Other rink behaviors
Don't stand in the lutz corner. Teach from the boards (i.e., coaches should not stand in the middle of the ice while teaching-- this is as bad as anyone standing in the middle of the ice. If you must be out on the ice while teaching, you should be moving.) Pay before you get on the ice, don't make the monitor chase you down. Wear a belt or pinny if you are running your music. Don't wear the belt or pinny until you are running your music. Nothing more confusing than three people wearing markers because "I was next!"

There are lots of do's and don'ts that I'm not sure reach the level of protocol but are more rules or accepted practices that may vary from rink to rink. Many rinks don't allow colored drinks, like coffee or soda, on the ice. While sitting on the boards is universally frowned on, some rinks tolerate it and some don't. There will be rink-specific protocols: which ice door to use to enter/exit, length (or indeed existence) of a warm-up period on each session, acceptable clothing.  Not everyone will do these things the same way.

Lobby
Don't spread your crap all over the place, and throw away your trash. This does not apply only to skating.

Public skating
Since public sessions are full of people who can't be expected to know skating protocols, the guards enforce what amount less to protocol and more to actual rules. They will be posted and generally include no holding hands with more than 1 person, no carrying children on the ice, the center coned area is for lessons and figure skating practice, no hotdogging (too fast for conditions), everyone skate in the same direction, no sitting on the boards, etc.

Music
There are no universal protocols for program play. Every rink will have set up its own system. The main accepted protocol for music is that if your music is playing you have the right of way. But there are some generally accepted polite practices, for instance, even on a session where no one else is playing their music, for pity's sake don't play it 10 times in a row. 

Parents
Hokay, here we go.  Do not walk around to the coaches' area by the boards. I really can't think of anything that coaches hate more than mothers who do this. No standing in the ice door. Now, I'm going to stop here, because other typical annoying parental behavior does not actually violate what I would call "protocols" which have developed in skating around safety and flow issues. So things like "don't scream at the coach, the skating director, or your child in the lobby" is not so much a protocol as just evidence of bad behavior.

Protocols and rules are there to make skating safe, productive and fun. They can be summed up succinctly: don't be a jerk.

What are some protocols or rules that I've missed, or that are specific to your rink?

Coming back from injury- physical

I have pulled my MCL, had two concussions, broke a toe, broke my ankle, seriously sprained the other ankle, and had major surgery. Only the MCL and one of the concussions happened on the ice, but all of them affected my skating.

In my 21 years in the rink, I've seen two career-ending injuries-- a skater with severe nerve damage from crashing into the boards, and a shattered kneecap (again, skater meets boards).

So here's the heirarchy of who gets a say:
The skater
If you are in pain do not train full out. You can skate, as in make it around the rink in skates, but if you have, for instance, dislocated your kneecap and it doesn't feel good, for god's sake, don't jump.  You probably know the level of pain that feels like injury as opposed to lack of training. Don't let anyone tell you that you're being a wimp, or that you "can't possibly still be in that much pain."

The doctor
This one's tricky, because most doctors I've talked to don't get skating at all, and athletes in general only moderately better. Thank goodness I managed to find a bone and joint guy who was a skater, because the first one I had was a complete idiot, insisting that since I'd been skating, I must have broken my kneecap (a rare injury, despite the above) rather than tearing the ligament (extremely common).  Doctors also often go straight to "quit," not understanding that you may not consider this an option.

If you're uncomfortable with your doctor's advise, or mistrust her expertise, find, as I did, a doctor who gets it, or ask your doctor to recommend a sports injury specialist.

If your doctor has you on painkillers, please do not skate while you are taking them. I once had a parent come up to the judge's booth at an audition to explain that her daughter had fallen on every single jump because she was, essentially, high on painkillers. We were pretty speechless.

The parent
With older skaters, parent and skater need to assess the resumption of training together. With younger skaters, it's the parents call in conjunction with medical advice.

The coach
I almost didn't even put the coach on the list, because when it comes to injury that has required medical attention, the coach is almost not even part of the question. I have received emails from skaters asking what to do when their coach pressures them to train, even though one, some, or all of the people above aren't ready. Do not let your coach pressure you to train at a level you do not feel you're ready for. If you miss a competition, or a test, or a season, then you miss it. Better than crippling yourself for life.

Edit. From the comments, a great link from L.A. Skate Dad: http://www.stopsportsinjuries.org/figure-skating-injury-prevention.aspx

Have you had a serious injury? How did you resume training?

Just not getting there

There comes a point in the lives of young athletes where, after another year of investment in time, work and cash money, the child just doesn't seem to be fulfilling whatever potential people keep saying they see in her.

It's hardest for skaters, where the dream of the big time is a realistic one. Unlike, say, basketball players, where getting to the NBA is vanishingly rare, in skating, recognizable achievement on a national level happens to skaters at every single rink. Everyone who stays in skating knows national competitors. It's a small field and yes, your talented kid has a legitimate shot.

Parents of talented skaters often get to that place where they wonder if they're being strung along. A skater who trains and trains but never makes it out of final round...well, it's an awfully expensive hobby for a 14 year old.

So how do you know when you're just not going to get there, or, even more to the point, where "there" even is?

"She's a nice skater, but be reasonable." 
Don't you just wish someone would say this sometimes? But if your skater is just a nice-skater-but-be-reasonable the coach is not going to suggest s/he go to Regionals year after year. This is because bringing an unprepared or unqualified skater to Regionals reflects on the coach as much as on the skater. Just as you are there to get your skater a prize, the coach is there to show how good her skaters are. So, in fact, if your skater is not a potentially national-level skater, the coach is going to say this.

Waiting for the breakthrough
Every kid will have one. For some of them, it's the double axel. For others it's "whoah I hate competing! How about if I test out!"  If you're waiting for a breatkthrough, make sure you recognize it when it comes.

Step it back
Three or four competitions a year is plenty for a child at the Regionals or even Sectionals level. One maybe two serious Club competitions, Regionals and/or Sectionals,  one or two no-name local comps to try out the choreo or the new jump. If your coach is taking your also-ran to more competitions than this, you're competing too much. Remember that training for competition takes time away from solidifying the skills. Counterintuitively, you're not going to get better at competition, if all you ever train for is competing. Some of the training has to be open ended just to work on skills.

Who can advise me?

Many clubs arrange for judges to critique their kids just before competitions, but your coach can also arrange one-on-ones just for her kids, or just for one kid-- your kid. Tell the coach you really want to hear the low-down from a judge in a non-stress situation, from someone with nothing invested in the child, either financially or emotionally. Remember that both coach and parent are emotionally and financially invested in the child. It's important to be clear that you have no problem with this, but feel an objective assessment would help everyone.

Caveat-- do not set up a judge critique on your own. This is a Skating Parent Cardinal Sin. You can initiate the process by asking the coach to set it up. You May Not Contact The Judge Yourself. (I mean it.)

What does the skater want to do?

Sometimes you have to let kids make bad choices. If the skater balks at competing, and her training attitude reflects that, then stop competing. Maybe she'll come back to it, maybe she'll move on, maybe she'll really regret it at 25.  But in the end, it's just skating. If she quits, life goes on.

And sometimes, they make amazing, mature choices and turn themselves around.

How have you or your skater handled this conundrum? Let's hear from some older skaters at Novice or above who had to make such a choice.

Here comes fall

Only the faithful skate through August, or the seniors, who have one more shot at testing before heading to college.

The Learn-to-Skate moms seem desperate to have their skater pass before heading off to not skate for the next 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 weeks. This has always puzzled me; it's not like not passing 3rd grade. Just re-take the level in the fall; your kid will be really good at it, and will pass at Thanksgiving really strong for the next level.

Here's what to think about for end-of-summer skating, and getting ready for fall.

Test or wait, freestyle
Test. If you're that senior, forget your pipe dream of skating in college and continuing the tests while you're at school. Not even Michelle Kwan could handle this, no way you are going to be able to continue devoting as much time to this while at school, where you have no support group who is remotely going to understand this obsession, and where you don't know the coaches. Step it up and get test ready for that last session at the end of August.

And by the way, pay now, because those sessions fill up.

Test or wait, learn-to-skate
Wait. At all learn-to-skate levels (sorta, see below), you can only benefit from taking it again. I know it feels like failure, and I know you've been working really hard, but if you're not going to skate between the end of the summer session and the fall session, you are going to lose some polish. Sign up for the same level.

Test or wait, Delta
Test. Delta is so boring, I'd say try to avoid taking it again. This does not apply to USFS Basic Skills 7 and 8 (the comparable levels) which have a more interesting set of skills.

Gear up for fall
If you can afford it, double up on privates (i.e. take several over a couple of weeks), in the couple of weeks before the session starts up. This might be enough for a learn-to-skate student to hone those skills and get passed up a level, and will also just get you back into the swing.

Gear up applies not only to your skating, but also to the actual gear. Take out everything and see what needs upgrading. Do the skates still fit? Think about new skates now, rather than suddenly realizing a week before the winter exhibition, or g*d-forbid Regionals, that your skates don't fit, or your blades are a mess.  Get new skating tights, make sure your skating togs fit, throw out the Zuca liner if it's moldy and smelly, and get a new one.

Check the calendar
Know when skating classes and potential lesson ice are. Don't wait until you've double- or triple-booked the fall play, skating and the orthodontist. Remember that skating is not just from class/lesson start to class/lesson end. You have to get there, you have to change, you have to put on skates, and then do it all in reverse at the other end. A free style skater needs an additional 10 to 15 minutes at each end of the skate for warm-up/cool down. A 30 minute class or lesson is as much as two hours travel plus prep.

Talk to the coach
Know what your goals are for this year. A new jump? Regionals? Testing? Auditioning for Synchro? If you are cutting back on skating, know that as well, and talk to the coach and the skater about how to manage that in a healthy way.

Figure out when you can volunteer
Rinks need rink moms who work a whole lot more than they need rink moms who sit in the stands and gossip. Ask the Skating Director how you can help while you're in the building. If your child is at least 10, think about where you can go while your child is skating. There are probably places nearby where you could volunteer, too.

Music
If you're a USFS competitive skater, you've probably already got your music for Regionals. If you don't, get on it, you are way behind. If you're Test-Track or ISI, doing only non-qualifying events, you still have time to change music and choreography, since you're not tied to the calendar quite the same way. Use this time to choose new music and choreography.

What are you doing to get ready for fall?

Ain't Misbehavin'

As far as I'm concerned there are no bad kids, there are only mismatched (I won't say bad) teachers.

Any group of children, even one with no behavior issues, is hard to manage and control. As I mentioned in a previous post, a 16 to 1 student teacher ratio is not unheard of in a skating class, and there are no chairs to put them in so they stand still. On skates, you can move and a lot of kids really really want to.

Move.

Constantly.

Especially boys.

If you luck into a Learn to Skate level class with a lot of sweet girls who stand and listen when you speak, hooray. It does happen, but it's pretty rare.

More common are classes where about half to 2/3s are kids who can focus and stand still even on the ice. The rest of the kids will be what I call noodles (no muscle control), exploding brains (Must. Say. All. Words. Constantly.) and astronauts-- they're in outer space. You have to radio them to get their attention. "Earth to Suzy! Come in Suzy!"

I recently watched a coach explain at length how to create beautiful stroking using the entire blade and stretching then pointing the toe to create power, grace and line. It was a brilliant description of the art of stroking.

Delivered in monotone, with no eye contact, to a group of 8 year olds.

Who all wanted to just watch the tots next door playing some sort of boisterous and obviously engaging game.

I've seen sweet young coaches make kids stand still for 5 or 6 minutes while taking attendance. Five or six minutes is an eternity in a skating class, especially for a child with what I call the "exploding brain"-- they cannot stand still. Cannot. Not "will not." Not "don't want to." They Cannot Stand Still.

Don't make them. Let them move. Give them something to do that isn't "oka-ay. Let's do one foot glides. Oka-ay. Let's do that again. Now lets do swizzles! I'm not going to offer any specific advice for those of you struggling with this, we're just going to keep going back and forth until Xan claws her eyeballs out!"

Like the trope says, you don't teach the skating class you wish you had, you teach the skating class you get. If you get one with an astronaut, two noodles, an exploding brain and a kid with oppositional defiant disorder, you better have strategies ready to keep that class engaging for all of them.