Unmotivated

A reader emailed me that her Basic Skills kids "love to skate but they hate going to the rink". This was further complicated by the fact that getting to the rink was also exhausting to the mom-- both because of a long commute, and because of having to motivate them to go every time.

So how do you motivate skaters, especially beginners who aren't yet as invested emotionally, or don't have as much cool stuff that they can do?

Transitions
Sometimes the issue isn't skating, it's everything around it. You want to watch tv. You have homework. "None of my friends skate; they think it's weird." And on and on.

So this is not always a skating issue, sometimes it's a parenting issue. And the parenting issue here is, who is in charge? They're kids! Yes, they have a strong will, but honestly folks, if you can't get your 5 year old to do what you say, or if you're offering him the option to negotiate, skating lessons are the least of your worries.

In other words, stop negotiating, and just go.

They don't always have to have a lesson
The mom in question was having 2 lessons and and 2 classes per week, at Basic 6 and Basic 8 levels. That's quite a lot of skating at that level; I think she could probably sacrifice one of those sessions to a "fun skate." Take them to one of the weekend public skates, and promise you won't make them "work". At that level, everything they do on the ice is "on task" pretty much, whether they know it or not. Saturday and Sunday afternoon free skates are FULL of kids from the classes; they'll find people they know and make friends and then skating will be about fun instead of about work. (It's also cheaper, plus if they get into it, there are carpooling possibilities, saving you a chore)

Bundling
If your skaters are doing privates, class, and practice (and maybe off-ice or dance as well), think about "bundling" them-- back to back class+lesson, or tack skating onto an existing trip (piano lesson, regular grocery shopping, immediately after school, whatever) so that you're already out anyway.  Some parents do homework at the rink--you get there right after school, get them a snack from concession and do homework, then have skating class as a reward for getting some homework done!

Socialize
Encourage your kids to develop rink-based friendships. If they seem to connect with a certain child, find the parent and set up play dates, or see if they're at the rink early so the kids can hang out. Sign up for class together; even share a semi-private lesson (this also helps with costs).

What not to do
No bribes. No trades. If you really want your child to skate, and you know she likes it/is good at it, stop making it a choice.  You don't have to be mean about it, just matter of fact. Skating is one of the things you do.

What strategies have you used to motivate your skater?

Should PSA membership be required?

I believe in the Professional Skaters Association.

Especially in a profession that comprises nearly universally self-taught "professionals," an organization that promotes continuing education, defines ethics, and sets national standards is vital.

No membership? You can sit in the stands and watch
PSA, partnering with US Figure Skating, has done an amazing job in the past five years basically forcing membership-meaning forcing acceptance (or at least awareness) of professional standards in teaching, ethics and continuing ed--upon people who coach students participating in the qualifying competitions. They've done this by establishing a credentials system. No membership? You can't get an ID allowing you to coach your student at the competition.

When I started in figure skating, just 13 years ago, and found out about the PSA, most coaches I talked to scoffed at the idea of a professional association for coaches. Thank goodness one of my early mentors was Jimmie Santee, who so believed in it that now he runs the place.

Now, all competitive coaches must be members, and they're working on extending that down to any coach who participates in any way in "sanctioned" activities. (A sanction is permission from US Figure Skating allowing competitors to skate in non-qualifying activities.) This covers local ice shows, programs, and competitions that includes skaters who participate in qualifying competitions.

Which is very nearly everyone.

Easy to sneak around the rules
But it's easy to not be a member. If you don't care about taking your own students to tests or competitions, or if you don't have private students, you don't have to join. I had a coach blatantly and knowingly solicit two of my students; when I called her on it and threatened to report her to the PSA, she smugly told me that she was not a member, so the ethical rules didn't apply to her.

This is how some coaches think--if I'm not a member, I don't have to be ethical.

Many coaches simply have friends who are members sign test and competition forms to get around the restriction. Clubs often don't enforce the credentials rule, especially for older venerable coaches, but or for young coaches if Daddy is a high level coach. Basic Skills competitions can also be very lax, and ISI has no rules whatsoever. I've had to fight off parents at the rink door at poorly run ISI competitions.

Skating directors are even worse. Many of them no longer disparage the idea of the PSA, but I know at least two who think that it is, and I quote, "stupid." Personally, I think if a rink wants its programs sanctioned by USFS, then the skating director should be required to be a member at the very least, and in fact should be required to have either a PSA rating or an iAIM certificate.

So what's the downside?
For elite coaches--the ones with the $125+ an hour fees and multiple students at Nationals, PSA membership makes sense. It professionalizes the job, and weeds out the less serious coaches. It protects you from solicitation at the elite ranks, where it really counts.  Plus, I'm betting that a lot of those coaches are having at least some of their fees covered by their programs.

For class coaches, maybe taking Suzy to a couple of local competitions a year, the benefits are less clear. The continuing education requirement is the main benefit, although nearly every coach I know considers it a burden and a joke. If you're not rated (the closest thing we've got to a degree in skating) the education requirements are extremely minimal-- 3 open book on line courses. Cheating is endemic. And the cost is considerable-- I once calculated that all my memberships and requirements cost me 2 months pay.

If PSA wants to be relevant down here at ground level, they need to have programs that help coaches and skating directors in local programs.  Support for unionization would be a nice start, or rating rinks according to the professional credentials of management, with real downsides for non-compliant programs.  Better scholarships for participating in continuing education, based on skating income and not on household income.  Extending the annual awards to local instructors, instead of just to coaches with a national profile.

I don't know what it's like up there in the Yuka Sato stratosphere, but down here in the trenches the profession is a mess.  Rife with poor management and incompetent instructors and plagued by low pay, completely absent any sort of employment benefits like paid sick or vacation days, pension or health care, you only do this if you love it. We need PSA so that at the very least no one in the profession can hide behind purported ignorance, or, like my colleague, claim that ethics are for the suckers who join.

As the Professional Skaters Association starts requiring more compliance with its rules, it needs to increase benefits to the vast majority of people in the profession.

Fall ice

To most people, summer is just hitting its high, with the hottest days and the August vacations still to come.

For skaters, it's time to start thinking about autumn ice.

For competitive skaters summer is what we call "early pre-season." It's the time to choose music, work on the new program, nail the new jump and create that perfect level IV spin. You're working hard, but the goal right now is simply working hard. Late pre-season starts in August, when you're revving up the intensity of your work outs, starting run throughs, and putting the finishing touches on the costume. The first significant non-qualifying club competitions are in August, and Regionals comes in late autumn.

Seriously competitive skaters already have their schedules and their training plans in place, but what about the rest of us? From once-a-week class participants to recreational competitors (who don't necessarily go to Regionals, or haven't a prayer of getting any farther than that), it's also time to start thinking about the fall. Here are some things to line up:

What's your goal for this year?
This can be to master a skill like a jump or a spin. You might be aiming to pass a level (or more) in class, or to take (or starting taking) tests, whether USFS or ISI. It can be to skate a certain number of hours per week, or to start private lessons. Whatever it is, you should define it, and work towards it. If the skater is a young child (8 or under) you can guide this goal, but the skater has to own it, even a very young one (for skaters this young, call it a "promise"). For tweens, 9 to 13, the parent and coach can start the conversation, but the skater has to set the goal. Teenagers might be given a nudge to think about it, but most of the process has to come from them.

Goal setting for skating is one of those skating-teaches-life-lessons things, and aside from knowing your budget is the most important thing you'll do in skating each year. If you can afford either private lessons or synchro, but not both, you've got to think hard about what your goals are, and be happy with your choice.

What else are you doing, besides skating?
This is critical to understand for many reasons. First, the other things you're doing take up time. Other sports, school government, church, mosque, or temple responsibilities, college applications all require commitment. Know where these commitments will balance with skating, where they'll take precedence, and where they can be deemphasized. Check the schedule for conflicts and resolve them now, including letting the coach know.

What's your family up to?
Are there vacations planned? Is grandma coming for a visit? Are there going to be transportation issues? All these things will affect your skating schedule and progress; if you understand upfront what's going on in the rest of your life, your skating life will run more smoothly, and you'll be able to adjust your expectations (both up and down).

What can you afford?
This should probably be first on the list, because along with time, it's the thing that somehow seems to creep up on skating families. Have a skating budget ("we can afford $$ per week for ALL skating expenses), but also have a contingency budget so that if an uexpected expense (let's call it an opportunity) comes up, you can cover it guilt-free. We take all the singles out of our wallets every night and set them aside. You will be amazed at how quickly this adds up. Remember that skating expenses includes not just classes, lessons and practice ice, but also off-ice training, training clothes, synchro fee, USFS & ISI membership, competition fees, costume, and travel (even a competition across town is probably going to involve a meal), etc. Don't be afraid to tell the coach exactly what your budget is, and how much flexibility you're likely to have.

And finally, the most important question for a skater to ask themselves, now certainly, but also at every step of the way:

Are you still having fun?

The competitive kids

There are major training centers throughout North America where the elite coaches work their magic- Southern California, Florida, Toronto, Detroit, Delaware, Boston, Colorado. If you've got an ambitious skater and you're lucky enough to live near one of these facilities, a lot of the anxiety created by travel, lack of resources (monetary, physical/facility, and human), and their associated costs will be allayed.

But you can develop national talent outside these centers as well, and frankly you have to, because simply not every national medal winner is going to magically come from a family near these places. (There are 480 skaters/teams competing for 90 national medals in the US, remember; it's not just about Olympic gold. Five levels Juvenile through Senior compete nationally, with 24 finalists in each discipline reaching for 4 medals awarded starting with 4th place Pewter.) A lot of them move to the training centers eventually, especially at the Junior and Senior levels, but they start out in Your Hometown USA.

So what happens when you suddenly find yourself with a nationals skater? You freak out, that's what, if my experience is anything to go by. Here's where the freak out happens, and what to do about it.

Coach just got me to nationals, now she wants a raise. This is perfectly reasonable; you reward your employees for merit, and you give them cost-of-living increases as well. In fact, if you did not come up with the concept of a bonus for the coach after your kid won, shame on you. If the coach increases her rates, don't use the request as an opportunity for threats or blackmail (i.e. "if you charge more we'll go with someone else"). You're in Backwater, Vermont, remember? There is no one else. But you can negotiate, because the coach does not want to lose her national skaters.

We used to work with a coach four hours a week, now he wants us to work 10 hours per week. Yup. Spotlight's on you folks, you better deliver in year two or it's all over.

But he wants to charge us for all the extra time! He won't do it for the same money as 4 hours! Um, hello, what? Personally I don't think coaches of elite skaters should be giving more than about a 25% break in cost anyway (sort of a volume discount). It's just not fair to them, because the coaching time that your skater is using is coaching time he can't sell to someone else at full price. If your coach offers you a deal that seems too good to be true, it is. Paying a coach too little is going to cause resentment and a feeling of entitlement on the coach's side, and a painful increase in costs for you when she realizes that she cannot afford to do this anymore, or when you decide to go skate with Brian Orser and find out that he does NOT do volume discounts.

The coach has started being "mean" to my kid. This is where I went hugely wrong (among other things. I was like a textbook for "how not to prepare for nationals"). I did not understand the difference between strict and adult, and mean, and I let my kid know it, so she lost her respect for the coach. Skating in a national competition is a very adult thing to do. Immature kids, and touchy parents, don't cut it. If your skater (or you) cannot handle criticism without the sugar coating, find a different activity. Best thing you can do if it bothers you is get out of the arena. Stop watching.

The coach won't listen to me no matter how much I scream at her in the lobby. Unfortunately, everyone else is listening, and possibly writing it down, so they can post it to Facebook later.

This other coach told me that our coach is [fill in inappropriate interference here]. You are in violation of USFS Parents Responsibilties (at the national level they make you sign them) for engaging in this conversation, and Other Coach is in violation of every principal of ethics there is. Turn him off or turn him in.

This other mom told me that our coach is [fill in inappropriate interference here]. Stop sitting with that mom. If you can't avoid her, just smile and nod smile and nod smile and nod.

There's a major pre-season competition coming up, but we always go to California for the three weeks just before. We can just work with someone down there, right? Or skate a whole bunch when we come home. Nope. The competition schedule now rules your lives. Adapt. There's this time of year called "Rest" when the coach will kick you out of the rink. That is now your vacation time. Rework the schedule.

My kid wants to start skating at 5:30 because the ice is more empty then. I don't want to get up! (Corollary- the coach found better ice, but it's almost an hour's drive and that's too far. Additional corollary- we just got tickets to Billy Elliott during his regular practice, so we won't be there tomorrow.) Now I'm not even listening to you. Notice that look of utter incredulity on the kid's and the coach's faces? It's because you're not getting it yet. But they are. This is now your skater's job. And just like your job, you are not in charge of the schedule.

I have no one to talk to about my anxiety and concerns. Okay, now I AM listening. Because this is the hardest part. At one of the big training centers, there are lots of skaters on national tracks. Once you hit the podium at Novice, USFS puts you on the team envelope, which means additional training and competitions for the kids, and therefore contact with other parents in the same boat for you, as well as seminars put on by USFS Parent Committee. But right now, you feel really isolated, and you are. You can't talk to parents of less successful skaters, because it looks like bragging, or fishing, plus they won't really understand what you're going through. It's awkward to talk to parents of equally successful skaters whom you know. It's against the rules to complain to another coach.

Here's what one mother of an elite skater told me:

"It is difficult to speak to parents without emotional involvement. Someone is going to get their feelings hurt. [At the lower levels especially,] they have such a LONG way to go in this sport. While the kids may get along, parents who get over-involved usually are the result of [a skater's stalled career or a team's breakup]. But there are parents out there who have been there, done that. There are sources through PSA and USFS parents' committee, too. Just know that some things [the coach and their friends] can control and some [they] can't. Either way, there is no win-win. You're either going to get involved more than you want or you're going to have to step back. So much depends on them, not on [the people around them]."

But there are things you can do before you reach that level, and trust me, if you don't do them, you won't reach that level.

• Read the blogs. There's a couple of great ones from parents who have done this. Check out Life on the Edge by Allison Scott, mother of Jeremy Abbott. Allison's wisdom, courage, and spirit are inspirational. Especially go back and read the posts about Jeremy's road to the Olympics, and read this wonderful post (hoping that you don't recognize yourself). Deb Chitwood, mother of a former national US pairs skater and a current UK world team ice dancer writes Raising Figure Skaters, another great source of insight into the world of elite skater parenting.

• Find other parents in your area who have been there and done. Go out for coffee, far away from the rink, and vent. You'll find that, first, what you're experiencing is not unique, and second, that they'll have good advice (some of which may hurt) because they'll have the perspective of distance.

• Get in touch with your local representative of the Parents Committee at US Figure Skating (or its Canadian counterpoint if you're in Canada) and ask them if there are resources in your area, or if you can just relay your concerns to them.

Your skater is one of fewer than 500 kids who has done what 50,000 little girls and boys in UnderArmour leggings dream every single day. You and your skater are unique, lucky, and blessed. That road can dump you on what could have been, or it can take you on an empowering journey for your whole family.

On behalf of those of us who missed the turnoff, don't blow it.