What to get the coach for Christmas (redux)

I first posted this in 2010. Here are my thoughts on gifts for coaches, with some updates!

For some reason that escapes me, a lot of parents are hell-bent on giving gifts to their skating coaches. And it fills them with anxiety. It's a weird sort of relationship-- this is your employee, but on the other hand the coach is kind of the boss. Plus, she's your friend? Or not? Personally, I love getting those clumsy hand-made pictures from the little kids, or a "certificate" promising no back talk for a month from the teenagers. But parents persist-- they want to give presents.

So what do you get your skating coach?

A bonus.

That's right. Give your coach a bonus. Your coach is your employee. I do understand that he or she is also your friend, and that you entrust her with your precious child (I mean that in the best way, no sarcasm intended), but in general, this is not someone you would otherwise have much of a connection to.

Now, because of the intimate nature of the relationship, sometimes parents are uncomfortable with handing over extra cash. It seems so cold. So make it a gift card to a local department store like Target or Macy's, or a pre-paid Visa card that can be used anywhere. If there's a concession stand at your rink, see if you can set up an "account" for your coach with a set amount of money in it.

If you really insist on an item, make it coaching related: the latest hard cover "tell all" book about skating scandals, or a pair of gloves or a scarf. I wear those little trading pins all over my coaching jackets, and I had a student once get me a collection of Olympic figure skating ones. A very thoughtful gift. (I confess, while I personally don't care if you get me a gift, I do like swag as much as the next person.)

I knew a coach who had a system that just made me shudder: she actually steers her kids toward a certain store that she likes, and tells everyone to get her a gift card from there. I guess there's a certain practicality to that, but my grandmother would be rolling in her grave.

A Tweep asks: is there a formula for how much to give? And you'll be happy to hear that, yes, there is. A week's lesson fee. If you take one lesson per week, then Christmas or Hanukkah week, double the check, with a notation in the memo line "holiday bonus." This might seem like a lot if you're doing multiple lessons, for instance national qualifiers will be paying upwards of $500 per week for multiple lessons approaching unlimited. This seems like a big bonus, yes? On the other hand that coach got your skater to Nationals. Or helped her land her triple salchow. Or doubled her component score in a season. Or just spent a lot of time nurturing your child. Work it into the budget.

If your coach is only working with you once a week, then I think it's fine to just send a card, or yes, that $10 Starbucks gift card. (I confess, the $5 cards drive me crazy-- so, I spent a year with your kid, and you're, um, buying me a cup of coffee? I have gotten $2 cards, which doesn't EVEN pay for a cup of coffee. Really, folks, think about this. Better to do nothing but "Happy Holidays" and a hug.) The more lessons you're getting, the more progress your skater is making, the more you really should be considering this not as a Christmas present, but as a bonus for a job well done.

P.S. to my parents reading this: I like unmarked, non-sequential bills in small denominations and condo timeshares in Aruba. No no no, just kidding. Adorable pictures and hugs are fine.

Here's the late great Ice Mom on the topic, and some very specific suggestions from The Examiner (old article, internal links may not work).

Are you giving your coach a holiday gift?

The dreaded schedule

Reader question:
My daughter is 8 yrs old and has been skating 15 months. She currently has a group lesson a week (just started Freeskate 1), and has had one private lesson a week for the past year plus an extra ½ hour when preparing for competitions. She is also going to be on the Beginner synchro team in the fall and we'll probably be adding a second ½ hour lesson.

Is it better to do a one hour private or 2 - ½ hour lessons per week? I was thinking that since time is spent warming up and practicing things like crossovers etc at the beginning of each lesson that an hour lesson would leave more time for learning new things. It would also be more convenient because we already come to the rink for synchro and group lessons. At this point she is not into coming to the rink 4 or 5 times a week.

Forget the axel. Working out the schedule is the hard part of figure skating. For a serious skater like this one, several days of skating per week (3 or more) is not unreasonable.

Personally I think lessons should be as spread out as possible. In other words, don't do a Tuesday morning lesson, Tuesday afternoon practice and class and Wednesday morning lesson if you can spread it a little thinner. Figure a day on, a day off, two days on two days off, and on Sunday even the Lord rested. Skaters coming 4 and 5 days a week should try to have at least one period every week to two weeks where they get 2 days off in a row. That's for sanity.

A high level skater (figure FS 3 and up) should never have less than an hour and a half per session, including 15 minute off-ice warm up, 15 minute on ice warm up (stroking, cross overs and edges), 30 to 45 minutes practice or lesson, and a 10 minute cool down. A higher level skater, or one with good stamina can do as much as 3 hours in a single stretch, with breaks. Learn-to-skate and low freestyle should shoot for that hour, including a 5 minute stretch and 10-minute "fun skate" warm up.

Ideally, you want your lesson in the second half-hour of the practice ice, so that you get to do the warm up on your own rather than, as the reader says, spending half the lesson on stroking and crossovers. You really can't skip this part, so if your skater has not done the basic warm up on her own, she's going to have to do it with the coach.

With low level skaters, I rarely manage to achieve this ideal. Most of my skaters get to the rink 5 minutes before they go on the ice, and their warm up is maybe twice around the rink stroking. If your coach is spending free style lesson time on cross overs, it's because there's a problem with the cross overs. The way to get rid of the cross over lessons is not to increase lesson time, but rather to increase practice time. This is especially important for a lower level freestyle skater starting synchro, because synchro techniques can be very different from free skating, and the skater will need to be able to learn the differences and apply them in the appropriate situation.

Here's my favorite way of figuring out how much ice time you need to progress in freeskating: for every full rotation, your skater should be on the ice for 30 minutes a week. So-- Free Skate 1 (waltz jump=half rotation, half flip = half rotation, mazurka = half rotation. 1½ rotations= 45 to 60 minutes per week, or one class or practice and one lesson. Free skate five (axel+salchow+toe loop+loop+flip+lutz), 3½ total rotations combined= 3 1/2 hours on the ice. Call it 2 half-hour lessons, two 1 hour practices, one class.

Synchro, I'm sorry to say, is additional.

How do you work out your schedule? How much do you feel you or your child has to skate to progress?

Lesson Request Forms

One of the most common questions I hear is "when should I start private figure skating lessons" and "how do I go about choosing a figure skating coach."

My best advice is choose a coach that your skater gets along with well, but if you're new to a rink you might not know who that is, or you might feel awkward about approaching someone.

Many rinks also have some version of a private lesson request form, where you note your skater's level, your availability and your contact information.

At some rinks, the form just goes up in the pro's room; the first coach who sees it nabs it. If you don't end up working with that person, don't assume they've reposted the request (in fact I can practically guarantee that they haven't). Fill out a new one. Worse, if he doesn't call you, he might not repost it. If you turn a form in and haven't heard from anyone within a few days, fill out another one and ask to have it posted again. Other rinks have a rotating roster or a seniority system--they give the form to the next person on the list. In systems like this, you're supposed to give it back if it doesn't work out, but again, this doesn't always happen. If you don't sign up with the first coach who calls, fill out another one.

You also do not have to hire the first coach who calls you. You can shop around. Try a lesson, put the form back up. Use this judiciously, because if you do it too many times, word will get around that you're not serious. But it's okay to "audition" two or three coaches, especially if you're on a competitive track or are a higher level (already have axel) skater.

To get the best service from using these forms, here's some things to know:

Do put down the skater's current class level. Don't put down what you think she should be in. Don't write down what skills you think the skater should be learning, or novels about prior good or bad experiences. Don't put down statements like "current teacher is holding him back." Especially don't use skating terms, even if you are confident that know them. A lesson form with excessive information is a great big red flag that says "overinvolved parent." Plenty of time to get obnoxiously over-involved once you and the coach know each other better.

Do put down specific goals if you have them: "help with axel," "start USFS test," "pass Gamma," "lessons during intersession," but keep it brief and specific.

If availability is asked, be flexible. Don't put down the one half-hour slot that is optimum for you, especially if it's during a popular time. Chances are the more desirable coaches are already teaching on that ice. If you say "only available Tuesdays at 4:15" 80% of the coaches are going to pass this up. In addition, don't make up times that aren't offered. Ice isn't just sitting around waiting to accommodate your schedule. Every rink has specific times when coaches are allowed to teach. If there's no ice, I can't come on Saturday at 3 just because it's more convenient for you.

Remember that the lesson form is for that rink. Don't assume that if the ice you want isn't available, you can simply tell the coach to meet you at Rink Across Town.

The price is the price. Coaching fees and ice entry fees are set. They are not flexible, you cannot get discounts. Some coaches charge less than others, but if you tell an interested coach, well so-and-so only charges $X, you're likely to hear, "fine, go skate with so-and-so." Plus, So-and-so will be informed of the conversation (coaches tend to take care of each other when it comes to problem parents).

In general, and especially for lower level skaters (LTS/Basic Skills through about FS3-4), the first coach who calls is going to be FINE. You'll get different personality types, but figure skating coaches are a flexible bunch, well able to adapt teaching style to the child in front of us.

Moving up

I have a new Learn To Skate student who discovered last month that she loves skating in our show (we do two a year). She'd never done it before, because she has a regular conflict with the rehearsals at her level. Her parents found out that free style level skaters practice on Sundays, so she could make those rehearsals.

The ice show is in May. The skater is in Alpha. The parents wanted to know, how do we do that.

Now, to some extent, I rolled my eyes a little bit. The skater is just 5. Her other activity is fun and valuable. By next year at this time and certainly by the Spring show in 2012, doing two classes a week, she will be in Freestyle 1 anyway, so she'll only miss one more show. But there is a way to power through the levels.

Ever wonder about those little kids who have all their single jumps, maybe even an axel, by the time they're 7? They aren't any more talented than your kid.

They just skate. All. The. Time.

Each class session is 10 weeks, 30 minutes of instruction, shared with 4 to 10 other kids. I like to assume that each level takes two sessions to master (some kids move faster, some slower). And really, it's not rocket science, it's just arithmetic: 5 levels (Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, PreFreestyle/Basic 4 through 8) is 25 to 50 hours of instruction (assuming twice through each level). You want to get there by April 1? You need 25 to 50 hours of instruction and practice between now and then-- 12 weeks, so 2-4 hours of lessons and practice per week.

Set your alarm for 5 a.m. and get out your checkbook.

Edited 1/7/11 at the request of a reader.

Understanding your skaters goals

A young coach at my rink is discovering the frustration of seeing potential in a child whose family just isn't that into it.

She had been working with a kid that I'd had the prior session-- this child takes lessons between sessions only. They take from a different coach every time. The parents are utterly clueless about skating and not interested in learning. The just want R to have a lesson a week, every week. When class is in session, they do classes. When it's between sessions, they do privates.

"I could totally have gotten him to PrePre or even PreJuv in like a year!" she lamented. "I don't understand why they stopped taking lessons!"

She's from another region and is trying to transport the skating culture she grew up in--competitive, test-oriented, and club-run--to our more ecumenical culture in Chicago, where lots of kids come in and out of skating, do fill-in lessons between sessions (and then disappear forever) or hop from coach to coach like bees.

So how do you make sure that your goals and knowledge, your child's goals and needs, and the coach's goals and expectations align?

Be clear on everyone's expectations right from the start
For parents, this means you need to tell the coach, right up front "we are taking 3 lessons so that he keeps skating between sessions," "we're looking for someone to get her to nationals," "she's planning to take lessons until [soccer season starts, school ends, she learns skill X]. " If you are not clear on this, there is going to be confusion and resentment when you reach the goal (or worse, don't seem to be aiming for it), which the coach may not share, or even know about. Then it's up to the coach to find a way to retain you if she wants when your goal is done, or changes. I get a lot of students this way-- a family decides to sign the skater up for a couple of lessons, discover they love the one-on-one, and stick around. Other students stick to their guns and drop off, but we part happy, because everyone understood going in what the expectation was.

For coaches, if the parents have not stated a goal, they need to ask. It's a simple question "what do you hope to get out of lessons," that saves lots of grief ahead, helps you structure lessons, and gives you an idea of where each individual family is coming from. This is not to say goals cannot change or be guided by the coach, but when a skater first starts lessons, the skater's goal should lead the process. You know you've gotten a thoughtful and engaged coach when you hear this question.

For skaters, really the parents again if it's a child, they need to know (or ask your child) why they want lessons. Some kids may understand exactly what they need. "All my friends take lessons," "I'm having trouble with Skill X," "It sounds like fun," "I want to compete," "I really like Coach Xan," et cetera. These are all valid reasons and indicate a child who has thought about the issue. See if you can get a conversation going to get the child to formulate a goal (consistent with their maturity, skating skills, and age) and outlook regarding private lessons. Try not to superimpose your own. (At least for now.)

Honor everyone's expectations
Once you've established everyone's reasons, let them percolate a little bit. Don't think "oh, I can get this individual to continue lessons/go for testing/stop taking group classes or whatever. First, the relationship may not "take"; if you start developing a trajectory for it before it gels, you're just going to be disappointed.

The hardest thing for a lot of coaches to understand is that it's not the coach's choice. It is nominally the parents' call, but really comes down to what the skater wants. It's really easy for a skater to commit sabotage when his goals or needs conflict with the parents' or the coach's. I hear so many coaches complaining about kids "not getting it" or parents undermining the skating, etc., when really the coach just didn't honor the skater's needs, goals, and expectations.

Understand, or at least acknowledge, the culture
As I said in the intro, you have to understand a rink's or region's skating culture. My friend came from a region where everyone who takes lessons belongs to a Club and does USFS testing and competition. But in this region, we have a very strong ISI presence (ISI was founded in Chicago), an over-saturation of municipal, as opposed to privately run rinks, and almost no Club influence. You can skate to a very high skill level (as opposed to competitive level) in Chicago without ever joining a USFS Club. They don't run the practice ice, the shows, or the competitions.

In regions like mine, parents and skaters have a lot of options. In all regions, they have a lot of information to absorb. Most coaches grew up skating, so it's like breathing to them, but as you and I know, it's an impenetrable and incomprehensible sorority to newcomers. Give everyone time to get used to each other, do your research, and talk to each other. Coaches shouldn't say "we're going to do X competition" without asking the follow up "do you know anything about competing in figure skating?" If Coach wants you to compete or test, ask what that means. If you hear a word or phrase that makes no sense, then ask for an explanation.

As I've said many times, your skating career will be much much happier and more productive if you set goals, keep communication open, and do your research.

How does the skater plan for the lesson?

Last week I talked about how coaches lay out a lesson: the planners, the spanners, the fanners, and the xanners.

But can skaters help prepare for lessons as well?

You may well ask. (okay, I'll stop being cute now. Okay, no I won't). Of course they can. Let's call them the taggers, the braggers and the draggers.

Taggers take notes. You'll see them at the boards during lessons and practice writing down what the coach says, keeping charts of what they've worked on, and checking things off to make sure they're done. I've found that you can really motivate any 9 year old girl by getting her a cool blank book to put her skating notes in; you can make it even more special by forbidding her mother to look in it. Coach and skater only! This will have the added benefit of making her mother INSANE with curiosity. Taggers practice well, and come to lessons prepared, but spend a lot of time at the boards taking notes and drawing ponies. In skates.

The braggers "already know how to do that." They'll race through the stuff they're supposed to be preparing so that they can do 47 program run-throughs and attempt axels even though they're only in FS3. Advantages of these kids is that they are fearless, because they want to learn the next thing. The disadvantage is that they will brush off the polish of elements that they "know" because they don't understand how skating skills build on each other; it just seems like a waste of time. But they tend to be consistent, if not particularly effective workers, because they'll just keep making attempts until they get it.

The draggers think everything is hard or boring (imagine 15 year old, eyes rolling, whining) or "I can't do that." When they're not whining they are attempting to engage you in gossip, so that they can hang out at the boards, or having spin contests with their buddies, which at least looks like work, anyway. They prepare for lessons by taking 25 minutes to put their skates on, getting on the ice late, doing one program run through (but no jumps, because "people kept getting in my way"). They mostly want praise and attention, and my philosophy, particularly for a recreational skater, is to give it to them. Up to a point I'll indulge this behavior; kids who make something they love, like skating, into a chore, have other issues that need to be addressed. The skating is secondary, and it's no skin off your nose to let a teenager have a place where she can whine and not be judged or criticized for it. (Draggers are always teenagers. The little kids are still relying on their adorableness for attention.)

So, gear up your rhyming skills. Who have I missed?

As far as you can go

The Olympics is bringing up issues that face all athletes at every level, and I don't mean being stuck at the airport, unable to make the opening ceremony.

You'll hear a lot of sports reports talking about the athletes needing to "peak" at the Games. What this means is that their training needs to lead to the best performance at the optimum time. This kind of peaking is a short term goal, with a one-year arc, and there is an entire sports training discipline, called periodization training, devoted to it.

But it's not just world-class athletes that deal with peaking, and it doesn't mean just season-to-season. For the recreational and amateur athlete, peaking can mean reaching your highest potential, and it's one of the most challenging places to be, especially for younger people.

Because what if your highest potential is "just" an axel, or a couple of double jumps? Or, what if your highest potential is triples, but suddenly your life is hard, your hormones are rebelling and your dad just got a new job in a different state? Or your coach quits teaching? Or that really cute boy wants to go the movies, or there's a late night party, and you have to traiiinnn.

I talked to several coaches about this over the last couple of days-- what do you do if your skater seems to be peaking?

B shared the difficulties with a young woman who has gotten into a negative cycle. "The lessons have been about the negativity, and it starts to feed off itself. Her bad attitude infects me, and I start to wonder how much I should be dealing with this. I'm here to teach figure skating, not to provide therapy." S concedes "it's the most difficult place for a skater to be. If you don't really have a clear goal, or your skating goal is getting muddied or superseded by the rest of your life, you have to think hard about whether to stay or quit. Skating requires a lot of commitment, if for no other reason than that distracted skaters get injured. Plus, you'll drive your coach crazy." (S is basically the mom of the rink. We have all agreed that it is her role to be driven crazy.)

What do you do with a kid that's stuck?
Once you get to the higher levels, you will get stuck if you don't devote the time and emotional commitment to skating. An axel is hard. Doubles are scary, especially in the learning stages. The ice is crowded, and the cliques will drive you mad. If a couple of kids at the rink have achieved competitive success, you're going to be dealing, sometimes, with their egos and their coach's egos and their parents' egos. Who needs it? Can't land the damn jump, just quit.

And you can. You can quit, and you can come back. When you're 13 or 16, if you're a freestyle skater, it's actually fairly easy to come back to high level skating. Your muscles will remember. So taking a break is not the end of the world. It might be the end of a competitive career, if you had one, but competitive careers are just the tiniest part of the sport.

Rinks need to support this, by having classes for teens, "catch up" clinics, "intro to privates" classes (where you get 20 minutes one-on-one with a rink-assigned coach), et cetera, as well as specialty classes like Synchro, ice dance, hockey for teens, or junior coaching. How about starting a hockey cheerleading squad? Coaches need to support it as well. Keep the lines of communication open, and honor a family's decision to take a break.

Goals can change
I've talked a lot about the importance of goals in figure skating. Goals should be clear, they should be stated. They need to come from the skater, and everyone needs to agree on them-- skater, coach, parent. Adjusting your goals is the best way to get unstuck, to change the "peak." Never going to make it to Nationals? Look into coaching, or joining an ice show, or doing an independent study through your school, and arrange an exhibition with all your skating friends (you get to be the star). Is the axel an unattainable Everest? Ice Dance. Synchro. Speed skating. Hockey. Curling, for heaven's sake. Date night! Take a boy ice skating. Trust me he doesn't care about the stupid axel, because you sure look cute in those leggings.

The point is, you need to do what you want to do. If you love ice skating, like B's difficult student, yet you're miserable every time you step onto the ice, find a new goal. If you discover that you can't find a new goal, come once a week for a while, or drop the lessons and just skate for fun. That ice rink has been there a long time. It's not going anywhere. It'll be there when you come back, with a fresh goal, and a new summit to climb.

Confessions of a recovering skating mom

Before I was a skating coach, I was a skating mom, and, yes, I was that skating mom.

• I was the mom in the stands pulling her arms in to demonstrate to her child how to pull in for an axel.
• I was the mom in the door coaching her child despite the fact that I did not have a clue what I was talking about (that came later).
• I was the mom in the lobby trying to figure out which parent clique was “in” to see if I could be friends with them.
• I was the mom at public skate insisting that her daughter be friends with the “top” coach’s students.
• I was the mom who left her FS4 nine-year-old alone at the rink for hours every day all summer to run her own practice.
• I was the mom screaming at her child, or another parent, or a coach, in the lobby because of, well god knows what.

I don’t know why my daughter let me live, but it’s one of the reasons that I have lots and lots of patience and sympathy with the monster mothers who’ve succeeded me.

In an odd way, I learned to be a better skating mom because of the poison dished out to me by moms who were even worse, like the ones who loudly promoted a special party for skaters, and then went around to all the skaters who weren’t invited and told them they couldn’t come, because it was for “Coach’s” skaters only. Or who would come sit with me in the stands and grill me about what my daughter was doing and why, and how their precious child had learned that months ago or their coach did that jump this way, or bragged about the cost of their skates or the celebrity designer who had made the costume. Or the “top” coach who tolerated their offspring soliciting on their behalf, and who once went around telling everyone what the coach had said about each of them. When my daughter asked what had been said about her, the offspring answered “why would Coach talk about you?”

My daughter started me on the road to redemption when she banned me from the rink at about the age of 11. She would simply fold her arms and refuse to skate if I so much as peeked through the window. The evil mothers did the rest, and I started going into the small Studio rink to practice skating myself. The final straw came when we went to what we later learned was an annual summer party that literally every child at the rink had always been invited to except us, for years. Several of the mothers took joy in telling us this; the rest of them sat around trashing another skater who wasn’t there. That was it for me.

I stopped watching, stopped socializing and started skating. Around this time our rink hired a very forward-thinking director with a “hire the smile, teach the skill” attitude, who put me on tot classes, and helped me get my skating up to par.

The wonderful Jimmy Santee, now at PSA, and Tom Hickey, now at Shattuck St. Mary’s, finished the process with the many many terrific skating seminars they conducted, and the PSA completed my transformation.

I started this blog in part to help new skating moms not to be me. I’m still in recovery; the first step is recognizing you have a problem. I’m Xan, and I’m a skating mom.

Young coach or old coach

At my main rink, we allow Junior coaches to teach privates. A lot of the staff feels this is inappropriate, as it directly hurts our bottom line, and also means that students working privately with junior coaches are not getting the best instruction available at the facility. But I generally don't begrudge the junior coaches their chance to learn on the job.

Be that as it may, today I found myself feeling rather hurt, when I saw that the parents of a skater who has been struggling in my classes was taking private lessons with the junior coach. It really felt a little personal.

So how do you decide, young coach or old coach? It's a topic that comes up a lot. There are very gifted young coaches. With a younger coach, you're betting on a coach with more energy, who may be more fun, and who may relate better to a skater. What you're losing is experience, depth of knowledge, and a certain hard-heartedness that coaches develop, and need. With a younger coach, you might be their first competitive student, or one of the first which that coach takes through testing, or learning a difficult skill. You have to be willing to grow with the coach. This can be very rewarding, but it's something to be aware of.

An older coach may be more set in his or her ways, and less willing to adapt personality or pedagogical technique to the child. Sometimes more experienced coaches will teach the way they teach and the child adapts or fails. Conversely, some younger coaches may only know one or two ways to teach a skill, or be inexperienced in identifying problem areas and focusing on them.

You can take it a step further down, forget young or old. What about Junior coach or staff coach? For me, there's no contest. Don't hire the junior coach if there is a staff coach available. In a million years, I don't care how good a skater the junior coach is, or much fun she is. The junior coach should never be the first choice. They do not have the experience or knowledge of the staff coach.

If you're not sure whether or not the coach is on the staff, if it's a younger coach, ask. If the coach looks like a teenager, you should know whether they are junior or staff coaches, especially if the junior coach is charging the same as the pro. (At some rinks the junior coaches are on staff, so you need to ascertain whether they are high school students. If it's a high school student, that's a junior coach.)

If you've chosen the junior coach because she seems knowledgeable, and has connected with your child, that's great. If you've chosen the junior coach because her mother has solicited you in the stands, not so much. Coaches should do their own promotion. They should not be sending skaters, offspring, or parents into the stands to do their promotion for them. (Promotion not the same as soliciting, by the way. Topic for another time.) A lot of junior coaches will tell you "I've been teaching since I was 12." Well, maybe. But I'd still rather hire a 24 year old who's been teaching since he was 20, than a 16 year old who's been teaching since she was 12, and better still a 30 year old who's been teaching for 10 years, or a 50 year old who's been teaching for 30. (Plus, that junior coach has NOT been "teaching" since she was 12. She's been helping in tot class, picking up the slippery ones.)

Don't hire a junior coach who has not worked with your child in class. Aside from being a slap in the face to the professional already working with your skater, you have no idea what you're getting. (I would actually make this recommendation for any learn-to-skate/basic skills to low freestyle student. Don't hire a coach that your child doesn't know.)

So that's a little insight into what coaches feel about who you've hired. I'm sure people have thought that about me-- why are they hiring Xan, who's only been teaching for 12 years, rather than M----, who's been teaching for 30? Well, I hope it's because I've proven myself and because I'm the best fit for your child. Not because I seem cute and young and my mother has been in the stands puffing me up.

Commitment in figure skating

Back to private lessons! A frustrated coaching friend on Facebook chat one day:

There are a lot of people who take privates who don't quite get what that means as an investment and commitment. A lot of people are under the impression that a private lesson is like a magic wand, so they don't stick with the schedule and they blow off lessons all the time, and then wonder why their kid isn't doing any better.

Especially those of us who focus on recreational skaters, that is, kids who are in it for the fun and the show solos, this is an on-going frustration. To progress at anything you have to commit. A coach can only give you information. The skater has to apply it, and they have to learn to apply it on their own.

Commitment is not only about honoring the coach's time and showing up for lessons, it's about committing to improvement by taking your own time and practicing as well. And by practicing effectively. One of the major things skating coaches try to overcome is bad habits and poor technique that gets in the way of successful skill acquisition. I'll often hear from skaters, "it's too hard to do it that way" "I like the other way better" "I'm used to the other way" etc. If a skater has a lesson where the coach changes the technique, but then doesn't apply the new technique on her own, for these or other reasons, or through sheer laziness or disdain, that's a failure of commitment to their own goals and desires.

Parents fail at this too, especially in the bill paying. There isn't a coach in America who doesn't have some parent who keeps promising to pay "next week." You don't want to punish the kid by refusing the lesson; after all it's not the kid's fault. But parents not committing to the expense, whatever they agree to, are passing on a bad lesson to their kids, and are risking losing face with the kids when the coach finally has to say "no." (This goes for paying for ice time, too. Please stop sneaking onto the ice without paying. We take attendance, and you will receive a bill.) What parents also forget about canceling lessons is the direct effect that has on the coach's well being, inasmuch as that's her income. If you are constantly canceling lessons, bills are not getting paid. This is not going to make the coach feel like she needs to commit to you either.

I don't exempt coach's behavior here either. Too many coaches blow off classes, especially at the lower levels, or don't give the weaker kids the same attention they give the gifted ones.. If you take a staff coaching job, and the skating director puts you on a class, you need to be there. If you don't want to commit to whatever class you're assigned to and to all of the students in the class, don't take the job.

Most coaches will accept the skater's (or the parent's) goal. So if what you are really willing to commit to is only maintenance, for instance, be honest about it. If you know you can't attend practice, or that you'll miss a lot of lessons, just say so. A lesson plan can be structured around a more erratic, irregular schedule. But if you tell the coach that your goal is to compete, or to get a top role in the ice show, or to achieve a certain skill, you have to commit to the work it will take to get there.