Skating standards

I've worked with  a couple of great skating directors-- creative and engaged, supportive of the staff, nurturing with the kids, firm but understanding with parents. Heck, they put up with me,  'nuff said.

I've also known several who have told me that the PSA (Professional Skaters Association) is bullshit, and that they don't need continuing education because they already know what they are doing. I've observed programs where the kids demonstrably are not skating to the passing standard, whether USFS or ISI.  And I've heard complaints about programs where they do insist on the passing standards as being "too tough."

This week I attended a Nationwide Seminar sponsored by the PSA. These are seminars staged annually and semi-annually, where all of the coaches across the nation are getting the same curriculum, in a largely successful effort to standardize teaching and outcomes across many diverse markets.  Years ago, when I was a baby coach and first started attending these things and others like them sponsored by USFS and ISI, there would be maybe maybe 20 people there-- I got amazing one-on-one coaching instruction from some very well known skaters.

Then PSA got serious about coaching education, using both carrots and sticks to encourage and even compel attendance at these things. There were more than 80 people at yesterday's event.

The main presenter, Diane Miller, spoke eloquently about her coaching methods, and the importance of instilling proper technique early. I believe she was talking, however, about kids who have already made that leap into competitive skating (not necessarily elite skating, but just kids who skate a lot, and do the non-quals and regionals).

And she made a statement that brought me up sharply. She said that "only 2% of skaters will ever achieve a double axel."

Now, there are all sorts of barriers to the double axel, starting with it's really hard. There are competing activities that take away from the level of commitment it requires. There are cultural barriers regarding hard work and focus. There's cost.

But there is one really key barrier that might help kids overcome all the other ones, and that is competent, consistent coaching by knowledgeable coaches at the real developmental level, that is, in learn-to-skate classes at skating schools.

Now. I have not met all that many coaches who don't know how to teach a proper cross over or three turn (I've met some, but mostly we're all pretty good at these). Nevertheless, I see lots of coaches who don't insist on the standards. Maybe they're passing their own students, since they're going to be fixing stuff in privates anyway (don't ask). Maybe they don't care about kids who aren't their students. Maybe they don't care about any of the students. Maybe they're "cuting" the kid up because they don't want to stand up to the parent, or because they're trying to solicit that parent.

And often, the skating directors let them get away with this stuff.

I seldom see the skating directors at these PSA events. A lot of them aren't even members. After all, what's in it for them? The coaches all had to join finally because USFS muscled them-- join PSA or you can't register your students for tests or competitions. It worked-- nearly every coach I know is now a member of the PSA.

Why not do something like this with the skating directors? You want kids from your facility to be able to register for tests and competitions? Then you have to join the PSA and/or attend continuing education.

But I would not make these educational events the same ones that the coaches get. These would be geared to skating directors, and cover things like staff management, safety issues, ice scheduling, and skating school testing standards. Especially skating school testing standards.

There is a skating management certification called iAIM, run by the Ice Skating Institute, and from all reports its excellent, but it's expensive and is not required by any of the federations. It can't be, because it's expensive. You could, however, require continuing education outside the iAIM certification at lower cost, but carrying a penalty for noncompliance. It worked brilliantly for the coaches.

Skating School directors are probably the least represented and most hidden part of the skating equation-- you hear lots about parents, kids, judges, and coaches. But you never hear about the person guiding all these efforts and herding all these cats.

It's time for USFS and PSA to professionalize this aspect of the industry, and give support to skating directors while also compelling these individuals to acknowledge that they are part of a nationwide industry that needs enforceable standards. Nearly all coaches are required to join PSA at this time, and not joining is pretty much tantamount to saying "I'm never going to have a student advanced enough to test." Why not have this same standard for skating directors? Give skating directors the tools and backup they need to enforce basic skills standards, and keep kids in the sport.

And maybe we'd see more kids getting double axels.

The Ice Halo (repost)

I last posted this one year ago, but with skating season gearing up, I think it's important to talk again about safety equipment. Special bonus: Ice Halo will give Xanboni readers a 10% discount. Enter "Xanboni blog" in the comments section on the PayPal order form to take advantage of this!

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I've been wearing the Ice Halo®, generously loaned me for review by the company, for a week (UPDATE- for a year, and now I have two) . I've been wearing it in all my classes, and did a brief moves practice with it.

I am sold. It's moderately distracting when you first step on the ice, but no more than is a new costume with fussy bits, and I think because the one I've been wearing is fur, that's what I'm seeing. After about 5 minutes you forget it's there. Lots of compliments, because, well, it's very attractive. People would tell me "love your hat" and I would get to say "it's actually a helmet!" Many oohs and aahs. It's a little warm, but I wore it as long as 4 hours at a stretch, and it would just get moderately sweaty; not to the point of distraction or discomfort. This might be different for an extended high-level practice; I would suggest that the company investigate developing a "competitors" version with better moisture wicking.

One of the best things about it is that even if it shifts (which it never did), it's a ring, so it doesn't affect vision no matter what part is forward, unlike a full helmet.

I tested it on as many different types of skaters as I could- "baby" competitors, LTS class and LTS privates, high level multiple rotation jumpers, adults, and coaches.

SF (7-years old, FS3 class) Loved it. Mom loved it. Skated an entire lesson, doing all warmups, moves, jumps and spins. Stayed in place, looked adorable. Class coach thought it was a hat, or possibly is too self-absorbed to actually notice stuff like this. Her private lesson coach was receptive.

SBM (6 years old, Gamma private) Also loved it, and, again, mother also loved it. This is a child who can be fussy and difficult, but she put it on and forgot it was there. It did not shift for the entire lesson. I'm her private coach, so I'm on board. If it comes in turquoise, that's a sale.

Coach Fashionista: gave it 3 seconds, for a 7 year old child in FS2. Not, "let's go around one time and then see", not "hey mom, what's the deal?" Just a completely closed mind. This is going to be the biggest hurdle for this company. I think a coach this closed-minded about it can have a huge effect-even if the parents are adamant about a child wearing head gear (even such innocuous and fashionable head gear as this), the parent is going to lose, because a child will not go against a coach on this. Further, once a coach has made such a fuss about it (the mother described her reaction as "vehement") it's over-that child will never wear safety equipment. I feel bad that the kid lost face over this.

Adult free style class: very resistant, despite the fact that one of them is the mother of a student and was fine with testing it on the child, and that I know this is a group of skaters who really trust me. But they had lots of reasons why it could not even be tested-- sloping forehead, no one else wears it, I don't like fake fur, it's hot, I'll look silly (this after complimenting me on it, so either I actually look silly, or they were just making noise).

SR (very skittish adult, class) Would not even try it, despite the fact that she is clearly terrified of falling. First she complained that it would mess up her hair (the lesson is at 8:30 at night--what, she's going clubbing after this?). Then she decided it would be distracting (mind you she hadn't put it on her head). Unfortunately, the adults were universally the most resistant to it, even though they are the group who would benefit most, as I would venture that far the majority of head injuries I have observed have been adults.

Giordano and Davis (2010 US National Juvenile Ice Dance Champions): After an initial period of distraction, just fine. As I suspected, they felt it was hot, which might be mitigated by using the microfleece. Angel felt she could not do a layback with it on, it didn't feel secure, so this would be a definite issue for a competitive lady. They liked the idea of using these just when bringing new lifts onto the ice.

GJ (5 years old, Delta private, that's her in the picture) 'nuff said. All the 4- and 5-year olds did this. Every. Single. One. Get a skateboard helmet for the really little ones. (NOT a bike helmet--you want a helmet that fits close to the head, with good peripheral visibility and no points, which can force the neck to snap forward.)

Nora (professional skater, my daughter) Like all the high level skaters, she thought it was fine, but couldn't imagine ever wearing it. She ran through spins, jumps and moves and had no problems with anything, including the layback, probably because she was wearing it a little lower on the back of her head. She liked the warmth.

Chelsea (Senior ladies competitor) ditto Nora. All the high skaters who tried it claimed that high level skaters don't need safety equipment, while then proceeding to tell me all the awful injuries they have either witnessed or experienced. Sigh.

Manol (Bulgarian Junior Men's Champion) Like all the boys, he immediately "tested" it, by diving full speed at the ice and banging his head. No apparent effect, but with Manol, a head injury might just look like business as usual.

Stitch (St. Lidwina's kid) liked it, but Coach apparently had an apoplexy over it. He immediately started banging his head against the boards (he's short) "to see if it works."

The Noisyboys really liked it, but were extremely distracted by it, not because it was innately distracting, but because they are very distractable (this could be a general problem with boys and some of the crazier girls; the novelty of it was the main attraction). They also had a predictable boy reaction--punching each other in the head, yes "to see if it works." On the whole, however, their verdict was "yes." They wanted a better fit, but of course I had limited options for them.

Currently, these seem best for recreational skaters, who unfortunately are the least likely to suffer head bangs, at least on a per capita basis. The company would do well do develop lines for rental facilities and ones that specifically address the needs of competitive skaters. For rentals there needs to be a way to overcome the no-hat-sharing problem (because of epidemic head lice in some parts of the continent), especially since these are primarily cloth. Perhaps removable, replaceable (or washable) liners or covers (that's an on-going revenue source too!), and/or a plastic fashion side?

The other difficult hurdle is the coaches. ALL of the older and most of the competitive coaches were not fans, ranging from skeptical to scoffing to actively hostile. The Russians all hated it, and I caught at least one making fun of me. For something like this to catch on, I think the clubs and federations (SkateCanada and USFS) would have to make it required equipment, starting at the lower levels. Nearly every youth sport that you can think of requires safety equipment, in particular head protection, but somehow in figure skating it's anathema (not "pretty " I guess).

So here's the tl;dr (too long, didn't read)--it's a great product. I think it should be required equipment, especially for adult beginners. Buy it.

I have not received any remuneration or promises from Ice Halo. They provided me with samples, one of which I kept for my own use, and they sent me a surprise pink fur one, because they found out I like pink (wonder what the first clue was).

Too much fun

From a reader:

My skater's coach wants her to spend more time practicing and less time socializing with her friends at the rink.  I've asked her coach to give me a set amount of time she should be practicing but he keeps it vague and says things like "a balance between work and play" "keep skating fun and progress" but then also thinks she shouldn't be able to stay and socialize if she hasn't done enough practicing.  I told my daughter that if her coach didn't think shed been practicing enough she wouldn't be able to stay for social time. She told me I was "ruining it for her". Any advice?

I tell a story about my daughter at practice ice one day. She and a couple of friends were having a spinning contest-- longest spin, most features, most creative, prettiest--and having a really good time doing it. A coach called her over to yell at for for "having too much fun. Skating is serious and if you're not taking it seriously you should leave." Being my daughter, she told him to take a flying leap.

Even elite skaters love skating. They do it because it's fun to skate, it's fun to be the best, it's fun to win. They wouldn't be doing it if it was a horrible slog that made them constantly miserable, with no social or emotional rewards. Work is important, and work ethic is important. But reward is important too.

Why are you at the rink?
Well, to skate, but there are lots of other reasons too. To avoid starting homework. To avoid being at home. To see your friends. However, I'm with that coach on this one. The reason you are at the rink is to skate. So that's the first priority, and blowing off skating is a reason to withhold the reward, in this case socializing. But it doesn't have to be punitive. More of an if-then proposition. If you goof off in class, or hang at the boards instead of practicing, then we go home straight after practice and no socializing today.

But your RUining it
(Imagine that 9-year-old whine). Tough love, baby. Mom's not ruining it. Skater is ruining it by not taking the skating seriously, so that she earns the downtime afterwards.

Social Pressure
Many skaters blame social pressure on the relentless socializing, clique-forming, and hanging-instead-of-working at the rink, so that girls also feel pressure NOT to work. Skaters who insist on taking the skating seriously at a recreational rink can develop a reputation for being snobbish or unfriendly. They feel pressure to not seem to above themselves by working too hard. Some coaches are really good at making the work part of the socializing, but if you've got a coach with a smaller program, or a different philosophy, they work needs to be rewarding. If you've got a skater whom you want to work, make sure the rewards are clear and immediate. Don't yank her out of the rink the second she's done, don't monopolize her time while you're there. Let her have her social time.

You are not the coach
The hardest part of getting the skater onto the rink is that the coach is out there, and the kid is hanging in the lobby wasting time. Coach is most likely not going to get off the rink to track down your skater. But you can also not assume the role of the coach. So be the parent. If your skater is dillydallying, rather than continually demanding they get on the ice (coach's role), just pick up their stuff, and say, hey if you're not going to skate, let's go home. Remember--the socializing is the reward for the skating.

Make the skating social
Goofing off or socializing during class or lesson of course is verboten, and earns the removal of the reward. Practice is another thing. While skaters do need to focus on their own skating during practice, you and the coach can probably come up with a system that allows the skating and the socializing to blend sometimes. Maybe one practice session a week is on my daughter's model--the girls were working (on spins) but had come up with a way to make this fun and social. That other coach was first, a putz, and second unprofessional (because he wasn't their coach, and they weren't interfering with anyone's ability to skate). So choose a session a week, and let the girls direct their own practice; no coach or parent interference. The only proscription is no hanging on the boards to talk.

Off-ice
Like the last suggestion, this one requires some cross-parental and -coach coordination. See if the culprits can do an off-ice or conditioning class together. This adds work+socializing as well.

Class
Yes, take class. A lot of higher level skaters stop taking classes because they think they're too good, or the coach is a snob about it, but class is another place where there are many more opportunities to both work and hang out. Higher level skaters don't need to be taking skills-based classes, so look for specialty classes like Jump Workshop, Moves, Ice Dance, Choreography, or whatever your rink offers.

What have you or your skater done to keep the fun in figure skating? How do you balance work and socializing?

Back from vacation

Watching kids get back on the ice after a long, hot, skating-free summer gives you a whole new perspective on the concept of "slip 'n' slide."

For the elite, competitive kids, it's simple, because in fact summer isn't vacation time. Quite the opposite. Summer is preseason and one of the busiest training periods of the year. A lot of serious, competitive kids, but not in the elite or near-elite ranks, also spent a good part of the summer training several hours a day. But even they may have taken the last couple of weeks, or even month, before school on family vacation, or just hanging out in the sun.

And the "class" kids? The class kids have completely forgotten where the ice rink is.

This is not to say they don't want to skate again. Now that school has started, it's a place to hang with friends, and a fun thing to do after school. They're starting to remember about the Christmas ice shows for which you have to be enrolled. Their new best friend at school skates too, and now they want to skate together.

So off they go to class, and it's slip 'n' slide time, for the kid who had just about figured out crossovers. What to do.

Skate at your level
Did your skater barely pass Alpha and then stop skating for two and a half months? Take Alpha again. It won't kill her, and it'll be a good lesson in retaining knowledge, and the work that entails. There's nothing worse than a supposed Beta class full of Alpha skaters who can no longer hold a one foot glide, and their parents, standing in the door and complaining that "he already learned crossovers LAST year."

Skate at your level, part two
Did your skater not pass Alpha, but since she took it, you decide you're just going to pass her on your own? Please don't do this. It's unfair to the skater, the coach, and everyone else in the class. Skate at your level. I promise on my solemn honor that taking Alpha twice (or three times, or four), will not affect her ability to get into Harvard.

Skate
If you're going to wimp out and have Princess move up a level because she stomps her little feet, or her best friend is in the more advanced class, or the time is more convenient, or you like the coach (what excuses have I missed) you need to start going to the rink just to skate. After school, on the weekends, on your days off, if you have any. Doesn't have to be a lesson, and she doesn't have to "practice." Just get her back on the ice, a lot.

Cram
If your skater really did pass that level, and you really think she'll be fine in the more advanced class, don't leave it to chance. Do lessons for a month, or a couple a week for a couple of weeks. Tell the coach that you are doing this specifically to make sure she's ready for the class you want her to take.

Freestyle
Freestyle skaters who are not in serious training (serious training = 10+ hours per week, where even during your down time you're skating a couple times a week), have a special obligation, because jumping is dangerous when you're not in shape or in practice. If you're a serious, but not competitively training skater, then you need not only to follow the advice above, you also need to get back into shape. Even when you're spending a month at the beach, you need to continue your off-ice regimen of strength, cardio and off-ice jumping. Otherwise you're going to be learning that axel all over again.

Don't forget the practical stuff
Make sure the skates still fit, and that the blades are clean, sharp and rust-free. Ditto the skating clothes. Scrounge up the gloves, the leggings, and the skating jacket, and put them in a skating bag so it's always ready. (Please don't send your skater to class outfitted for Everest. It's not that cold in a rink.) If you're going to spend a lot of time at the rink, see if there are any available lockers so you don't have to haul the skates around. Renew the annual pass for public ice. Renew your Basic Skills or ISI membership.

I guess I should have posted this 2 weeks ago, but I was too busy wringing the last of the summer out of the slip 'n' slide.

"It wasn't a fit"

How many coaches has your skater had in the last 5 years?  If it's more than about 3, and the changes weren't forced by external circumstances (somebody moved, or quit for instance), then you might be a coach hopper.

Here are some of the excuses reasons people give for coach hopping.

Not really a serious skater
A lot of kids start private lessons for help passing a level, or nailing a specific element. Then, when they have that element, they quit the lessons. Next time they need specific help, they get amnesia, completely forgetting the coach they worked with before. Coaches hate this. At least let the former coach know that you're going to work with someone else. Then when the inevitable "I thought Suzy was your kid?" question comes along, they're not caught blindsides.

"It wasn't a fit"
This is the number one reason given by coaches and parents when they can't give the real reason. The translation is (if coach says it), "that mother is a nightmare." If the parent says it "we realized that coach was not the fashionable one." Seriously, though, sometimes it really isn't a fit for numerous reasons-- schedule (see below), personality, cost, differing expectations. Of course, if it's one of these, just say so. Otherwise people will assume one of the first reasons. (Better yet, if asked, just say "we decided to make a change." If pressed, continue to say this, for which the translation is "it's none of your business.")

UPDATE: There are a lot of replies in the comments suggesting that ALL reasons fit under this excuse, including gross unprofessionalism including habitual tardiness, inappropriate attitude ("being mean"), emotional abuse ("you're stupid, you're fat), and financial shenanigans (short lessons, full price). Folks, when coaches act like this it is everyone's business. There is absolutely no reason to hide behind social lies when there is a legitimate consumer reason for the split. If you were habitually overcharged at a store, or yelled at by the clerks, would you tell people you don't go there because "it wasn't a fit?"

Schedule
This is a tough one. In a market like mine, schedule is a non-reason. There is so much ice that you will be able to find the time. Plus, I've often had parents tell me the schedule won't work, just to see them with the new coach on the exact ice I offered.  In smaller markets, schedule (which includes necessary travel time) does sometimes necessitate a change in coaches. However, you cannot blame the schedule if your idea of scheduling is "we can have a lesson during this single 30-minute window and are not flexible on this." If that is the case, you're not looking for a coach, you're looking for a babysitter.

For competitive students, all other things being equal, it makes no sense to change a coach who has been successful with your skater (as measured not by wins, but by accomplishment, skill increase, and personal best scores).  If you're skater's doing well, but you switch anyway,  then you're a "it wasn't a fit" parent.

Cost
Number one reason people drop in and out. See "not a serious skater" about which coach to go back to.

Competitive skaters
If you're making your ambitious skater switch coaches every 6 months or more, you are destroying your skater's career. For one thing, strong competitive coaching relationships take years to build. For another, different coaches have different, usually equally acceptable techniques and practice protocols. You will lose a season every time you switch. Further, if you're showing up at the non-quals in late summer with Coach Success, then turning up at Regionals with Coach Whosit, but then at Nationals with Coach Fashionable, the judges are just going to roll their eyes and move on, unless you're really blowing them out of the water. Which if you switch coaches like this, you won't.

Finally, to zero in on the serious side of this issue:

Abuse
If this is your reason for switching coaches, for god's sake tell the skating director, or if you don't trust the skating director, then tell your doctor, and be prepared to back it up with documentation (names, dates, places).  Involve the skater in this decision. Abuse includes inappropriate touching, questionable language, insistence on excessive dieting, and emotional abuse.

The downside of constantly switching coaches is that people stop taking the skater seriously. One of the most common sights at the rink is the talented 17 or 18 year old who has never made it out of the preliminary rounds at Regionals but has decided to put off college to give it one more shot, with her 8th coach. We all shake our heads and blame the parents.

I'm not saying never switch coaches. My daughter had 4 coaches in her 11 years of semi-competitive skating. Her first coach moved to Florida. Her second coach quit to run her family's business. She developed a serious personal dislike for the third one, for reasons which did not become clear until years later. She still works with her last coach (going on 10 years).

Do the math. Are you a coach hopper? What's your excuse?

Ice time

If there's one common refrain at every rink I've ever skated at it's "Why doesn't [my skating discipline] get more ice?"

Hockey thinks Freestyle is a waste of valuable ice ("there are only 25 kids out there-- why isn't this hockey ice? We'd have 10 kids on the ice at a time, at a discounted price! Uh, wait...")

Freestyle thinks hockey gets free ice ("They schedule ice that they never use! We  should make that dance ice, which would have at least 4 people on it! Maybe. Unless we decide to do off-ice that day.")

Beginner coaches think the freestyle skaters mentally paint targets on the tots. ("They have more ice than anyone! Maybe they could have one session a week without high level kids? And it needs to be the most premium ice right after school. Except I don't need it until after soccer ends. But please reserve it.")

The truth is there isn't enough ice in a typical rink. Private rinks are going to go for the biggest bang for the buck, which is usually hockey because it's cost effective to schedule, even though it's less lucrative on a per-skater basis. Training rinks are going to want enough freestyle ice at premium times to attract high level skaters. Skating schools need practice ice during or after class sessions, to maximize use. Everyone needs public, because that's where most of your new customers come from.

Don't even get me started on the bastard child of skating programs, in other words, Synchro.

The truth is, that rinks need to allocate ice for the best return on investment--how can they maximize use and retain customers? This means that tournament ice needs to be reserved, even if the home team bombs out in the quarter finals, so that the big game never happens. The freestyle skaters need extra ice before the big competitions. Classes and public are cash cows-- you can fit a lot of paying customers onto class ice (as noted above, hockey's going to have 10 kids on the ice, and maybe 20 kids on the boards; freestyle tops out around 30. Classes or public might have 200. Do the math.)

If you're in a small market, you're stuck with the schedule at one or two rinks. If you're in a big market like Chicago, where there are 50 rinks in a 25 mile radius, stop complaining, and start driving.

You can make the schedule at your home rink work, or you can find ice that fits your schedule.

What you can't do is change the equation.

How do you deal with less than optimum scheduling at your home rink?

Conflict in class

There's nothing like a mean little girl and a clueless coach to bring out the Tiger Mom in all of us.  Especially if the mean girl's mom is blaming your blameless angel (ahem). Directly. As in, yelling at her without involving you.

Kids in skating classes can get into it, especially where the class is run by the less engaged and experienced, or more clueless and uncaring coach. One mother writes:

A mother yelled at my 5-year old after a class, while I was elsewhere. When I challenged her about it, she claimed my daughter was mean (the kids had been jostling each other to secure their favorite spots). My daughter claims the mom physically grabbed her to stop her leaving the ice, and yelled at her (daughter was crying, and didn't understand what the problem was.

She went on to ask what she should do-- talk to the mother? The coach? The Skating Director? Switch classes?

My first reaction was "yank her from the class" but on consideration I think that no one really learns anything from this tactic. First, unless you are in the room, you don't actually know what happened. It could have been entirely misconstrued by the offending mother, or she might be way overprotective. It's hard to really know which child is at fault if you don't witness it yourself (whatever "at fault" means in a young child, I mean, kids are mean to each all the time and survive).

This being said, it's never okay to discipline someone else's child (unless you're the coach!)

So here are some actions to consider:

First, if two kids are going at each other repeatedly in class, think about setting up a play date. It seems counter intuitive, but these kids are already aware of each other. So make the kids friends. If the mother objects, tell her it's so that they aren't mean to each other any more.

Talk to the coach privately. Ask her if she knows what happened. Tell her the other mother's story (that the kids were fighting in class-- leave off whose fault it was). Express concern that the kids are not being disciplined for unacceptable behavior in class and ask the coach to be alert. Tell her you don't want to change classes, but will have to go to the skating director to request that if the situation doesn't improve. Leave out personal opinions about the other mother's parenting, psychology, and irrelevant externals like race or income.

Don't confront the mother, but don't leave the rink for a second during class, especially at the beginning and end of class. This is especially imporant with very young children in beginning classes. If your child is 6-7 or younger, you need to be watching. (NOT standing in the door. Just be in the stands, or at the observation window. You can pee after class.)

If your child's nemesis continues to be a problem, or the offending mother continues her assaults, let the coach know that you are reporting the mother's behavior (NOT the coach's behavior) to the Skating Director, and asking that your daughter be placed in a different class.

This will take a few weeks to cycle through, but I think is a solution that offers a better long term outcome--the coach is alerted to the problem, the mother is on notice that her behavior is unacceptable, and maybe the kids become friends.

How have you dealt with conflict in class?