Mean girls

Ice rinks, populated as they are by pre- and adolescent girls, can be veritable petri dishes of social experience. Popular media depict this as poisonous, with films like Prancer (otherwise pretty good at showing what a rink is like), with its rich-girls/poor girls divide, or Ice Princess, with the unethical coach who recommends that the inexperienced skater wear brand new skates for the first time during a competition.

I polled my skating friends to find out what their experiences were with cliques, positive and negative, and what types of cliques they had encountered—parents, kids, coaches.

Some respondents seemed to pride themselves on being set apart, defined by some special characteristic: “we’re poor but still competing and it pisses people off;” “all of my skaters are really good friends, but they don’t seem to get along with other coaches’ skaters.”

A coach from out of state mentions that there are certain coaches who will only talk amongst themselves, not only about skating, but about anything, setting themselves apart as though even acknowledging someone else diminishes their own expertise somehow.

Every parent I asked this acknowledged that there are parent cliques, but they were universally reluctant to talk about it (which just really made me want to know why.)

T, who grew up at the rink where she now coaches feels that the cliquishness of the current atmosphere is new:

Cliques didn't really exist in my generation of skating. I can prove it with pictures (NB: She can, I’ve seen them, plus they are ALL still friends). Where you will now see several small sized groups of skaters together, my clique was larger and more inclusive of a broader range of skaters.

I grew up in a different era of skating – it didn’t matter who your coach was; we were all always there at the same time, and thus, got to know each other pretty well.

My story sounds like a fairytale in a sport considered bitchy and elite. Aside from the day-to-day drama that pre-teens/teenagers produce, it was really quite picturesque. The beauty of kids of multiple ages and different coaching backgrounds all pooled together as one group that dominated the rink made it fun for everyone. Sure, we had our scoffs and irritations with one another, but at the end of the day or at graduation time, we were still happy for each other and grateful for the memories we made together.

B, another skater who grew up a couple of skating generations after her had a very different experience at the same rink:

I hated how cliquish the rink was, with people basing their opinion of you on stupid sh*t like what coach you had. [Those girls] were always so mean to me even though I just wanted to be friends. And I absorbed this model in an attempt to fit in, being mean to other people for no reason.

In life there are going to be people you get along with and people you don't. Coaches and parents can really have an effect on this; I’ve known of coaches and parents hinting to kids that they shouldn't hang out with other coaches’ students; in fact I think coaches and parents have more to do with cliques forming than kids do. There are a lot of people who are my friends now who were really mean to me as a kid. Now we’re older we realize that it didn't matter who your coach was. Kids are just dumb; they’ll follow the lead of the adults.

R, from the same generation as B, didn’t even want to teach at their childhood rink, and never bothered to apply for a position there; “It’s too weird over there” she told me. B has this same attitude. “I can’t stand the idea of going back and just getting sucked into it again.”

What can you do about cliques?
First of all, do your research. If you’re new to a rink, or just starting to consider private lessons, observe the dynamics for a while. Learn which coaches discourage their skaters from getting involved in the culture of the rink—those kids will be on practice ice, but you’ll never see them in class. People don’t know who their parents are. The parents never volunteer at shows or competitions, and sometimes the skaters don’t even participate in shows or competitions.

Avoid parent gossip like plague, especially from parents you don’t know very well. (Really, what’s the agenda here?) Let your children choose their friendships themselves and then befriend those parents. You’ll find more in common than if you choose your social circle based on who the coach is.

You’ll naturally gravitate towards the families that share your coach, but they’re not the only ones in the rink, and judging a family’s suitability by coaching choice or competitive stature is simply absurd. Skaters have widely varying goals, all valid. The goals of a recreational skater are no less important than the goals of a competitive skater. While shared goals are a way for friendships to start, they are not the only way. Every time I hear a coach tell me that ice show solos aren’t important, or are “good enough for that skater, but my skater has more important goals” I see red. In the universe of a recreational skater, competing at Nationals is by definition unimportant. They aren’t going to do it; it’s not important to them. There is nothing in figure skating inherently more “important” than something else. Goals are personal, not universal.

(Whoa, off the topic there a little, sorry.)

Friendships are a personal choice
Any coach who tells you not to talk to other parents, coaches, skaters, or administrators is to be avoided, and in fact should be questioned. If a coach suggests in any way, “don’t let Susie talk to Jenny,” or if a parent says that her skater only socializes with Coach's other students (or worse, with no one at the rink) make them tell you why. The only way to stop this kind of poisonous behavior is to call them on it. If you’ve been at the rink a while and your skater only seems to know skaters who work with the same coach, see if you can figure out why this is. That’s how the poisonous cliques, and in fact all prejudices, start—with limited experience of the “other.”

Not all friendship groups are cliques, and not all cliques are exclusive or destructive. You don’t want to discourage close friendships, and while I think T’s idyllic experience is sadly a thing of the past, I still maintain that an ice rink is a great place to grow up.

Let me know your experience with cliques, good and bad, and how you handled it, in the comments.

Confessions of a recovering skating mom

Before I was a skating coach, I was a skating mom, and, yes, I was that skating mom.

• I was the mom in the stands pulling her arms in to demonstrate to her child how to pull in for an axel.
• I was the mom in the door coaching her child despite the fact that I did not have a clue what I was talking about (that came later).
• I was the mom in the lobby trying to figure out which parent clique was “in” to see if I could be friends with them.
• I was the mom at public skate insisting that her daughter be friends with the “top” coach’s students.
• I was the mom who left her FS4 nine-year-old alone at the rink for hours every day all summer to run her own practice.
• I was the mom screaming at her child, or another parent, or a coach, in the lobby because of, well god knows what.

I don’t know why my daughter let me live, but it’s one of the reasons that I have lots and lots of patience and sympathy with the monster mothers who’ve succeeded me.

In an odd way, I learned to be a better skating mom because of the poison dished out to me by moms who were even worse, like the ones who loudly promoted a special party for skaters, and then went around to all the skaters who weren’t invited and told them they couldn’t come, because it was for “Coach’s” skaters only. Or who would come sit with me in the stands and grill me about what my daughter was doing and why, and how their precious child had learned that months ago or their coach did that jump this way, or bragged about the cost of their skates or the celebrity designer who had made the costume. Or the “top” coach who tolerated their offspring soliciting on their behalf, and who once went around telling everyone what the coach had said about each of them. When my daughter asked what had been said about her, the offspring answered “why would Coach talk about you?”

My daughter started me on the road to redemption when she banned me from the rink at about the age of 11. She would simply fold her arms and refuse to skate if I so much as peeked through the window. The evil mothers did the rest, and I started going into the small Studio rink to practice skating myself. The final straw came when we went to what we later learned was an annual summer party that literally every child at the rink had always been invited to except us, for years. Several of the mothers took joy in telling us this; the rest of them sat around trashing another skater who wasn’t there. That was it for me.

I stopped watching, stopped socializing and started skating. Around this time our rink hired a very forward-thinking director with a “hire the smile, teach the skill” attitude, who put me on tot classes, and helped me get my skating up to par.

The wonderful Jimmy Santee, now at PSA, and Tom Hickey, now at Shattuck St. Mary’s, finished the process with the many many terrific skating seminars they conducted, and the PSA completed my transformation.

I started this blog in part to help new skating moms not to be me. I’m still in recovery; the first step is recognizing you have a problem. I’m Xan, and I’m a skating mom.

Practice or lesson?

An anonymous reader asks a great question:

My mum's worried that if I [drop one class to practice on my own], it'll be bad because I'm not having a lesson then, but I'm more concerned that if I go to the two lessons, my skating time will be too minimal for me to progress anywhere.

Is it better to have one hour of group lesson and one hour of practice per week, or a half hour group lesson and 2.5 hours of practice?

I'll have some specific advice for anon at the end of the post, but in the meantime, with a couple of exceptions, it's always better to have at least some practice on your own, so you can start finding your own "language" of skating.

Stay with me, there's a point at the end of my rambles
I often tell my students that we're working on "positions not found in nature" by which I mean we ask our bodies to stand, not in impossible stances, but in counter-intuitive ones. For instance, when learning cross-overs everyone begins by "defaulting" to hips and shoulders square; what I call "airplane" position, one arm straight out to one side, and one arm straight out to the other side. Proper crossovers, however, need your upper body turned towards the circle. It looks weird and it feels weird and it's one of the hardest things for new skaters to learn.

I try lots of different ways of getting this across-- put your outside arm inside the circle. Hug the circle. Pretend the circle is a beach ball and you're holding it. Turn your belly button to the center of the circle. Pretend there's a rail inside the circle and you have to hold it. The most successful skaters will find a phrase that resonates with them, and the most successful of those will have come up with it on their own. In fact, a lot of the phrases I use were suggested to me by students.

If you can create your own image, you'll learn faster and the best place to find your own image is in your own solo practice session.

"I don't want her to just go out there and play"
As my daughter, a triple gold skater, once told a coach who was criticizing her for having fun, "hey, if it wasn't fun, I wouldn't be doing this."

Getting kids to practice on their own is one of the hardest things to do. Parents often think that kids won't work, and there's some truth in that, but especially for beginners, you don't need to "work," to practice specific skills all that much, you just need to get comfortable skating. And since it's boring just skating around and around, even the least self-directed kid is going to start trying other stuff.

Generally I would say that for children under the age of 8 at lower levels, an emphasis on classes is fine, but I like to see them come just to play once a week. Parents don't have to skate, too, but they should be in the stands. For high level kids under age 8 (a 10-year old just won US Nationals at the Novice level), the coach can guide you. Older children should always be encouraged to work on their own, not just in skating but in everything. Kids need to learn how to manage their own time and set their own goals, without some adult always telling them what to do. Children these days are scandalously helpless in self-management. It makes me worry.

But what should the commenter do?
The commenter lives far from the rink and can only get there twice. For her, since she's at the beginning levels, I would recommend just one class, and lots of practice; either option she proposes would work. However, I'd like to suggest that she see if her mom will pay for one 20 minute private or semi-private lesson on that practice ice. I like the idea of being able to practice on your own right after or right before each class or lesson. If you practice just before, you'll remember what you're having trouble with. If you practice just after, you'll be able to apply what you've learned.

For my general formula on how much to skate, check out this post.

Understanding competition placement

I was saving this post for the Olympics, but the controversial (for some reason) awarding of the US Ladies Singles title to Rachel Flatt, I dug this post idea out of my drafts list.

Competition placement ranks second only to changing coaches in anxiety production among figure skating parents and, if Twitter is anything to go by, figure skating fans. And just like bad calls in team sports generate weeks of recrimination, figure skating scores just never seem fair to the fanboys and -girls.

There are currently three judging systems being used in figure skating:

The big leagues: The International Judging System, or IJS (also referred to as NJS, new judging system and CoP, Code of Points) is used in all national and international "qualifying" competitions and in local, non-qualifying competitions for Juvenile through Senior that act as training competitions and feeders for the qualifying ones. This is the system that has those incomprehensible point totals (TES of 50.12, TCC of 21.87 and PCC of 29.02 for a total score of 101.01). The judges at these events must qualify through judges training and rigorous exams. As someone whose non-competitive (at singles) daughter once had to compete in the same flight with Alissa Ciszny I can tell you this system is nitpicky and brutal, but it really covers the bases and tells you how you skated. ( For more about qualifying and non-qualifying competitions, check out usfigureskating.org. )

Update: here's a great article at About.com explaining scoring in IJS.

The bush leagues: U.S. Figure Skating also sanctions competitions for beginning skaters, with such skill/level designations as "Beginner," "Limited Beginner," Basic 7, etc. These competitions still use the old 6.0 scoring system. Qualification to judge at Basic Skills competitions is, I believe, just membership in U.S. Figure Skating and age (you must be 16). In practice, judges at these competitions are local coaches or coaches from the sponsoring club.

The crosstown rival: The Ice Skating Institute, which is a strictly recreational skating association, also runs hundreds of local, national and even international competitions. Judges for these events again are local and participating coaches or interested amateurs that have taken the judging exams, available on line. These competitions are mostly run by skating schools rather than clubs.

Every single one of them will turn in results that seem incomprehensible, if not downright unfair. I have never been to a competition where some parent or coach did not insist that the judges "cheated," or that the rink "held up" its own skaters, or that some program "sandbags" its kids and on and on.

Salt Lake City notwithstanding, I believe in the basic integrity of all three judging systems, if for no other reason than that I have been through judges training and testing in all three systems and it is very very hard. The people doing this take it seriously, and they know that at the higher levels there is a lot at stake.

Dealing with disappointment
The gold and silver medal coaches from yesterday, Frank Carroll and Tom Zakrajsek, are madly spinning their skaters' scores and style today, and at that level it's expected. At non-qualifying competitions, at Basic Skills and ISI competitions, and even at Regional and Sectional competitions, that kind of talk should be kept within the skating family: skater, coach, parents. It is only destructive to complain about marks.

The best measure of how your skater did at a local competition is whether they achieved a personal best, or landed a new jump in competition. You cannot possibly ever demystify the individual decisions that went into the marks, especially in a system as on-the-fly and complex as the IJS. All three systems have mechanisms for protests, but they should be used sparingly and only in the face of overwhelming and obvious ill intent on the part of judges.

At the 2010 U.S. Nationals, Olympic berths and future careers are at stake. The controversy there is basically whether the system should reward technique or artistry, and in fact as it stands the system actually favors artistry--in the event of a tie, the higher component, or artistic, score (the so-called "second mark") wins. But judges can, and do, reduce component scores for poor technique, which is what happened at yesterday's Ladies Free Skate. It was a judgment call on the part of the panel, but that is why we call them "judges" and not "computers."

At local competitions, just don't worry about it. Ask your coach, or a judge, how scores are arrived at generally. Ask to have the relative placement of skaters in a flight explained, again, generally. Never berate a skater for their placement, as they have very little control over it. Ditto the coach, for the most part.

How can I learn more?
Both the Ice Skating Institute and U.S. Figure Skating have been running a series of articles on understanding their two judging systems. The latest one from ISI is in this quarter's Recreational Ice Skating magazine (available on line here) on page 27. A very clearly written series on IJS has been in the last several issues of Skating Magazine, U.S. Figure Skating's member's magazine. (I would be grateful if someone can find a link to Skating Magazine. U.S. Figure Skating has revamped their site and now I can't find anything. If you find the link, please post the URL in the comments.)

Monday morning quarterbacking is a blood sport to skating fans. I feel bad for Rachel Flatt, who gave a brilliant and flawless performance, won the gold, and had to wake up this morning to "Mirai wuz robbed" headlines.

How much worse for your little skater to feel like she did her best and an evil world conspiracy (in the person of those incompetent judges from that other rink) withheld the marks.

The children who won't go to the Olympics

I just got home from a lesson with a disabled student. "Miss E," as her mom calls her, has dyspraxia. Dyspraxic kids have trouble turning information into action which can affect movement, language, and perception. Including E, I have two developmentally disabled private students, and I am working with 7 disabled children in my classes, about 10% of the total number of children in my classes this session. (UPDATE: since writing this, I've become the Program Leader for SPICE, a regular class for children with special needs.)

E is the first child with dyspraxia I've worked with, so I'm learning about this disability. Children on the Aspergers/autism spectrum are quite common, and I've had kids with diagnosed OCD, Downs, and cerebral palsy. But every child that one works with has unique gifts and deficits, even so-called "normal" ones. One of the things that makes group teaching the most challenging kind of instruction is finding ways to meet every child's needs.

While Rachel Flatt is landing triples on tv right now, I'm still exhausted and exhilarated because Miss E figured out how to push today. I've been working on this for weeks, literally on my hands and knees, putting her feet in the proper position. Bent over to help her limbs skate the pattern. And today she did it. Pushed with power and knowledge. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.

The best low freestyle student I've got in classes right now is L, who is a Downs child. L is smart and a gifted athlete; the sweetest girl and the hardest worker, but it has taken her years to get where normally-abled children get in a few months or less, and her technique will never be proper because she doesn't have the muscle tone she needs. But everyone on staff loves to get her in class because of her pride and her joy and her sweet nature.

R had severe OCD. Every step she took was agony, because it had to be perfect. H, now residing in a boarding school, has autism. After three sessions, he was no longer screaming at the other students and hitting me. He never learned the skills in the level, but he learned how to take a class. I give special credit, and blessing, to the other students and parents who tolerated this, and they share in his success. D is high-functioning Aspergers, diagnosed young; his mother is using the challenging environment of an ice rink to help him assimilate the sensory input that can be so overwhelming to Aspergers kids.

So while we are watching Rachel Flatt with her four AP classes, and Sasha Cohen with her determination not to let the quest for the gold go, I want everyone to remember that many children have their own olympic successes, and it might just be looking a teacher in the eye and smiling, because you finally understand.

Who does the choreography?

Watching U.S. Nationals this week, I had a new skater's mom ask me, "who does the choreography"? Not just for the elite skaters on tv, either. She was worried that she'd have to hire a choreographer for her Beta student at Basic Skills competition.

First of all, no your Learn-to-Skate/Basic Skills skater does not need a choreographer. The regular coach will be fine. So running down from top to bottom who should be doing the choreography?

Elite skaters
At the elite level (that's the skaters who have a shot at making it to nationals), you'll be hiring someone who specializes in choreography for elite skaters. By the time you get to that level, you'll have lots of help figuring out who this is. Many elite choreographers are former champions, like Alexander Zhulin and Christopher Dean. Just as there is a range of high level skaters-- from kids who are "test" skaters (i.e. never make it out of regionals or never compete at all) up to stars like Sasha Cohen, there are also a range of choreography specialists. Every rink with a strong freestyle program will have "go-to" coaches for choreography.

So then comes the question, should you hire them? If you have ambitions to compete at a high level, you need a great combination of main coach and choreographer. It's not just about waving your arms around. The rules for achieving high point totals are complex and constantly changing; choreographers need to be held to the rules. Plenty of time for art when you sign with Stars on Ice. I've seen programs ruined even at the little local ISI competitions by coaches who couldn't be bothered to learn the rules. What a stupid reason for your skater to score low.

But correct me if I'm wrong; I don't think a lot of elite skaters are reading this blog. When do you need a choreographer?

Can my coach choreograph a program?
If you've got a private coach, you've got a choreographer. Every coach knows how to put together a program (or should, see above). If your skater is doing only some combination of USFS non-qualifying competitions, only ISI competitions, or only USFS or ISI test programs you really don't need to hire another choreographer. You know that a coach can put together a test program if his or her kids are passing USFS tests. You'll know if the coach has screwed up by not including a required element because you'll get the judging sheets and it will be noted. A PSA rating is also a sign that the coach knows choreography, because basic choreography is part of every ratings area, even group.

A test program should be well balanced and engaging for the skater, but does not need to set new standards of artistry. Hiring an outside choreographer for a test program (especially below the Novice level) is kind of slap in the face to the coach. How to put together a test program is one of the things that coaches know.

Starting around Novice (lower if you've got a nationals skater), or if you've got a gifted skater with ambition and a future in skating, your coach will let you know if you should hire an outside choreographer, and will have both suggestions and contacts. Below the Novice level, you do not need an outside choreographer. The parents that hire famous choreographers to do their kids' Pre-Juvenile programs get eye rolls from the coaching staff (out of sight). Parents that hire other rink coaches to choreograph low level test programs just create resentment and risk their coach's commitment to their skater.

But that one coach does such cool programs...
If there's a coach at your rink who is known for their choreography and your skater wants to work with him or her, do this for some program that is less critical, like a show solo or an exhibition. Check with your regular coach and make sure she's on board with it. Have him or her make the contact; don't go to the choreographer on your own, if for no other reason than that the very first thing an ethical choreographer is going to do is go to the regular coach and make sure it's okay anyway.

My skater never wins. I think I'll blame the coach.
First, the brutal truth. A. Your skater might get unlucky draws that place her against more gifted skaters. B. Your skater is not gifted. (ouch)

However, if you suspect your skater is failing tests or placing poorly at competitions because of inadequate choreography, first express your concern to the coach. Some aspects of choreography that can affect test and competition scores are: programming all required elements, NOT programming illegal elements, use of the ice surface (ice coverage and multiple changes of direction), correct duration, well-balanced program (i.e. don't put all the jumps together, or just skate from jump to jump or spin to spin), program not too hard or too easy for skater. At ISI competitions, you don't get to see the judges' sheets and the judges are discouraged from sharing reasons for placement. But if your skater is consistently placing 2nd or 3rd "against the book" (i.e. only skater in the flight), see if you can get the skating director at the competition to review the judges sheets to see if there is a problem. (She won't show them to you, but she might look at the them for you and tell you if the skater missed an element or had a penalty.) At non-qualifying USFS competitions you will get the "protocols" that show all the elements and the judges' placements and will clearly see if elements were missing or the component scores are consistently low.

Please note that the most common reason for poor placement or failing tests is that the skater has not completed the elements properly, or as they were choreographed, NOT that the choreography was inadequate. I recently had a skater just completely leave her spiral sequence out of a performance. Best thing in the program, required element, and she just completely forgot to do it.

Choreography, like ice time, expensive skates and fancy costumes, is something to grow into. Err on the side of caution. If you're not sure whether you should hire a choreographer, then don't. If your coach is uncomfortable with it or discourages you, listen to her.

Lighten up

Just to lighten the mood a little. If you're not offended by at least one of these, I'm not doing my job.

Q-How do you get two show skaters to skate in perfect unison?
A-Shoot one.

Q-What's the difference between patch skates and an onion?
A-No one cries when you chop up patch skates.

Q-What's the difference between a skating judge and a trampoline?
A-You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q-What do you call a show skater with half a brain?
A-Gifted.

Q-How many skating coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
A-Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much better their technique is.

Q-How do you improve the aerodynamics of a skating instructor’s car?
A-Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

Q-What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead competitive skater in the road?
A-Skid marks in front of the snake.

Q-What do ice dance instructors use for birth control?
A-Their personalities.

Q-What's the difference between skating judges and terrorists?
A-Terrorists have sympathizers.

Q-How do you put a twinkle in a skater’s eye?
A-Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q-How does a skater change a light bulb?
A-She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

Q-What do you call ten skating judges at the bottom of the ocean?
A-A good start.

Q-If you drop a figure skating judge and a watermelon off a tall building, which will hit the ground first?
A-Who cares?

Q-What's the definition of an optimist?
A-A skating instructor with a mortgage.

Q-What's the difference between a skating judge and the PLO?
A-You can negotiate with the PLO.