Look for a coach with a good story

As I've said before, I love it when my various areas of expertise conflate. I recently read the brilliant advice, regarding how to acquire students, that a coach should "tell the best story."

This is classic marketing and fundraising advice, which is what I do in my other life. You need to engage your potential customers, or they'll go with the person who does engage them.

My story is summed up in my tag line: "anyone can learn to skate." I've got a good story as an adult skater who loved the sport so much that I changed my life in order to pursue the passion. Looking around my rink I see some other good stories-- the young coaches who grew up at the rink. The grade school teacher who coaches during her off hours. The Russian stars (at least according to them, but whatever, it's a good story), "my dad's a former champion," and of course, the former champions.

Then you need to ask yourself: why does this story resonate with me? What is it about this story that makes this person a good coach? Does the answer change if you think about different skaters-- for instance, the former champion has a great story, but is that the right story for the recreational or timid skater? "My dad's a champ" is a great story, but do that coach's skaters actually get to skate with dad? In other words, is the coach adapting aspects of the story to reach your individual skater's needs?

What's your coach's story? What coach do you know who has a good story of their own?

What is that coach *talking* about?

I talk a lot.

A lot of teachers struggle with this. We know a lot of stuff, and we just want it all to come out. One of the hardest things to learn as a new teacher is when to stop talking, and how to filter your delivery so you are giving your students only the information they can really process right now and in a way that they can process it.

An ideal class should be talk-a-little, do-a-lot; I'll go so far as to suggest a ratio-- 1 to 4. For every minute you talk, there should be 4 minutes of skating. This means in a 30 minute class, you shouldn't stand around for more than 7 or 8 minutes (if that), and further, this shouldn't be all in a row. A commenter on a prior post points out that there are lots of instructional videos on line that you can stand around and watch; he doesn't want to do that on skates in a freezing rink. On skates in a freezing rink you want to move.

You have to adjust this for every class or student. Most adults will tolerate, even demand, a lot more talking. A children's beginner class doesn't really need instruction in technique-- stupid to tell a child about technique if the child can't even glide. Just get them moving. Teens like to watch each other, and also want the coach to acknowledge that they are becoming adults and peers, which will entail a little more talking.

So back to the original question-- what is that coach talking about? My observation of coaches that talk a lot is that they are not, in fact, talking about skating. They're talking about themselves, or they're flirting with the kids (I know, ew, but it happens), or they're being silly because they're stuck in their old competitive ethos of "it's all about me." The good coach is not the one with a cluster of stationary children standing around hanging on his or her every word.

The good coach is one focused like a laser on the movements of everyone in class.

Have you had a coach who talks "too much?" What were they talking about?

Everyone always moves

A commenter gave a great insight from a college PE pedagogy class: "everyone always moves." It's a terrific piece of advice for a sports program. After all, you're not there to write term papers. You're trying to learn how to move!

Of course, this does not mean that you can move in any random pattern, according to your own desires, and whenever or wherever you feel like it. There are always issues of safety, courtesy, and space.

The commenter goes on to talk about a teacher who said yes, but you have to limit activity on a given apparatus, for safety reasons. And this is the crux of the matter. In an ice rink, the entire room is our apparatus. And like other apparatuses- whether a balance beam or a baseball diamond- there are rules about sharing and appropriate use.

Where to skate
In class, you've probably got a restricted area for the students in your level or class only. Unless the teachers give explicit permission to cross into another level's ice, you stay in your own boundaries. (Skating through another class is fairly common in freestyle classes, unheard of in Learn to Skate.) In private lessons you skate where the coach tells you, or according to whatever set pattern the rink has laid out.

When to skate
When the coach says "go." Period. This is not negotiable. It's really easy to move on skates, and kids (as well as a lot of adults) have ants in their pants-- they seem incapable of sitting still. I'd love to see how this works in an office, or a class room, or a car, or at random street crossings. If you've gotten stuck with a coach that talks too much, you still have to stand still. Next time, don't take class from that coach. But frankly coaches that talk too much are not really the problem; most of them don't. The problem is children who simply skate off at random times with no consideration for any of the above safety rules.

What to skate
The task at hand. This means that when the class is practicing spins, you should not be doing waltz jumps.

Who should skate
Everyone, or no one. If you are the only person moving, and have not been explicitly told "we are now going to demonstrate one at a time, and it's your turn" then You Are Doing It Wrong.

How do you know when skate?
Just going to take a wild stab at this, and suggest "listening."

Understanding skating moms

This post, and the responses, struck such a chord, because boy have I been there. You just want to focus on your kid, and someone is asking you what jumps he has and who his coach is and how much he skates, and it feels like prying, if not snarking.

You just want to sit and read, and the PickaLittle ladies behind you are bragging and comparing and talking about Eva dresses. And of course, since their children don't skate with the same coach as your children, rink culture keeps you from making friends with them.

So I am going to posit a theorem, and let's work with it. The theorem is:

On average, people are nice,
I meet lots of people whose kids are skaters,
therefore,
I can be friends with those people

(Caution- strong language follows)

Here are some of the things that skating culture puts in the way of this very reasonable premise, which you would not even question in any other situation.

It's hard to talk to other coach's kids Yes, it is, and bullshit rules about "soliciting" and "tampering" make parents paranoid about getting their coaches in trouble, so they form cliques based on who their coach is. So just make friends with everyone. Sit down and talk with them. If they refuse to make friends for some bullshit reason of coaching relationship or skating level, then they're assholes and you can stop worrying about them.

This mom, whose kid skates with my kid, MAKES ME FUCKING INSANE Because she is completely at sea and looking for an ally. She suspects she's being fed bullshit by the coach and no one will tell her because of the gag rule, the fear of overstepping, and the fear of being thought arrogant or pushy.

I hate it when the moms brag about how fast their kids move through Maybe they just skate a lot? Maybe the moms are proud? Make it a game. How long can I talk about something unrelated to skating before this mom somehow ties it to her kid. This is a hilarious game, trust me. There are a couple of champion moms who could turn the news about Osama bin Laden into a skating analogy before you can take a breath.

Why does everyone want to know what jumps my kid has, and how much she skates, and what level she's in? Because that's what you have in common. The deep, meaningful discussions about that great story on NPR are in your future. Don't shut them out because you think the moms are being intrusive. Maybe they just aren't imaginative enough to come up with a better pick up line.

Why does everyone not want this done the way I want it done?
Because they aren't you. They have different priorities, understanding, and kids. Trust me, this is my big failing. I think I'm right. In many cases I know I'm right. That doesn't mean I get to have it my way, or that it's the only way, or the appropriate way for the situation. Reasonable people can disagree.

Rinks and schools are horrible places to be human beings. Fraught with ego and concern and kids being compared to each, which we all know is impossible. Each one is so so precious and wonderful. Honor that. The moms will come around.

Adult skater question

An adult skater tells me:

I'm now in FS1, with a few skills that range up to FS3, and am completely hooked. I'm technically in group lessons though effectively they are privates, since no other adult has signed up for group lessons at 10am on a Tuesday. I have no delusions of grandeur, but I love love love this sport like I've loved nothing else physical I've ever done. How do I proceed? What's next and who do I ask?

Personally, I like goal setting, and this skater specifically asked about this. Here are some of the things she asked about:

Practice
Just skating in class or a single weekly lesson will barely maintain your ability let alone help you increase your skills. Three to six hours a week is adequate practice to really improve. Serious competitive skaters train 20 to 30 hours per week, including off-ice; the serious recreational kids do about 3 to 6 hours per week, so that's a pretty good model. If you want to compete (see below), you'll need to increase your ice time, although probably not up to 20 hours per week.

Private lessons
Two things will improve your skating: mileage and instruction. Mileage is addressed above. Private lessons are reasonably easy to come by, but don't take them with just anyone. Rather than looking for the "best" instructor (as evidenced by high level students), look for the ones who teach adult classes and have adults in private lessons. Not everyone understands how to teach adults; some coaches can be either impatient, unclear, or outright dangerous in that they don't take into account adults' different bodies, brains, and courage.

Adult testing
Specific goals and focus and measurable progress are really motivating. All the patterns for Moves in the Field, and the requirements for Free Skating are on line, but if you want to actually work on testing for USFS judges, you really cannot teach these to yourself. A coach will know the small tricks that judges are looking for, will know the end patterns (which aren't always specified, especially in the lower level patterns) and will be able to assess when your skills are test ready.

Ice show
Join the adult number in your rink's ice show. I absolutely guarantee, as long as you're not my friend Beth who is a hold-out, that you will have a blast. No one; okay almost no one, takes themselves very seriously, you'll meet the other adult skaters, and you'll go out for drinks afterwards. Some rinks award solos to adults at a lower level than they do the kids, if that's your bag.

Ice Dance
There are still clubs that have social dance ice where other club members can teach you the patterns, and rinks with ice dance classes. Ice dance is excellent for adults, because you can do the patterns in your comfort zone of speed, edge and pattern size, and you always know exactly where to put your feet. Plus, no jumps.

Synchro
Synchronized skating, formerly known as Precision, is essentially team skating. Just about every club in the US and Canada has adult synchro teams at a range of levels from beginner to advanced, and many rinks have ISI or local teams. Some of these take a more Theater on Ice approach. These are good for the same reasons as the ice show-- you get to meet other adult skaters, and liquor is often involved.

And finally, the one area of skating that keeps more adults from joining this sport than any other:

How do you dress?
Skating tights, yoga pants, loose, body-skimming shirt if you're a little self-conscious about body image, or tight fitting if you're skinny, you rat. Skirts are lovely, but as far as I'm concerned, adults, even young adults, skating in the adult tracks, should have some dignity and wear a skirt that reaches to mid thigh.

Since you're already pissed about paying for vacation...

I thought I'd write up some home truths about the skaters.

I don't know why I'm in such a bad mood lately. But I find myself completely unwilling to play the game-- the little girls who've been told that acting like they're 2 when they're 5 is cute. The children who completely fall apart when told that they cannot do something that they, um cannot do; the ones who lie to you about how much time they've spent in class; the self-promoters, who take 2 classes at level X, hide for a week, and then show up in level Next and tell you they passed the other class.

Here are some of the things that parents, and skaters, just simply have to start being honest about.

Tears
Don't indulge them. It's bad enough to baby an 8 year old who falls but isn't hurt, but a child who is encouraged to sob uncontrollably because "teacher was mean" should be disciplined, not comforted. For the safety of the child, I need tears to be real. I need to be able to tell the difference between a child who is injured and a child who is spoiled. I have a child who takes terrible falls and never cries, so when she does cry I know that something is really wrong. The child who falls apart when you look at her cross eyed is not going to get the same level of concern. Ever hear of the boy who cried wolf? Don't parents teach that story anymore?

Corrections
Jesus, what happens when your child makes mistakes on the math test, or something else that actually matters? The inability of children to accept criticism these days is astounding.

Standing still
Please. Stand. Still. Please don't talk when I'm talking. Why am I saying "please"? I used to jokingly ask the kids "do you act like this in school?" and they would get all sheepish and say, well no, they didn't it's not allowed, and then they'd behave. Now, they look at me like I've just asked them whether they're allowed to breathe in school. Apparently, this is how children behave now.

Actually mastering the skill
So, based on the way coaches, kids and parents just blithely move their skaters up, actually having to learn the skills is old hat. This has been a problem with coaches in the past, but nothing like when the parents/kids take control. I've seen coaches move kids up a level when they aren't ready, but have at least had the 10 weeks of class. I've seen them move their private students up several levels for whatever ridiculous reason, but at least they're getting private instruction in the deficit areas.

But this new thing where you take 2 classes of gamma (not 2 sessions-- 2 classes), and then skip delta because it's at an inconvenient time, and show up in PreFreestyle for a day before finally landing in Freestyle 1... All in the space of 7 weeks. I have 4 kids in classes right now who fit this profile. What The Bumblepuck! Do parents understand the danger involved in putting a child in a level they aren't ready for?

Sorry, no As for Effort or Attendance in Figure Skating. You gotta deliver the goods.

Four year olds with no social skills whatsover
I've met a lot of 4-year-olds. Far more than you will ever meet. Here's what a four-year-old can do: Respect the teacher. Listen to instructions. Ask for help. Restrain from tantrums, screaming, kicking, spitting, biting and hitting (not kidding). Share. Make friends. Don't talk when someone else is talking. Spend 30 minutes away from a parent (who by the way, is standing just 20 feet away). Speak clearly enough for a stranger to understand. Stand, even on skates. If your four-year-old cannot do these things, either stop babying him or get him evaluated. If your 5-year-old cannot do these things, skip the "stop babying him" and just get him evaluated.

Skating class as a socializing experience
If your 4-year-old has never been in a class, skating class is NOT the place to start. Go to Music and Me, where the danger of injury is less.

Leave the teens alone
Stop helping your 16-year-old get dressed. Seriously.

Why I can't take your suggestions

Why you and not the mom next to you?
If I take your suggestion, and word gets out, I've pretty much lost all claim to control over my curriculum or choreography, unless you have an unassailable credential that everyone will accept.

What if I was going to do that anyway?
Now I'm afraid if I do it, because you'll think you I did it for you and I'll never get you off my back. So your great idea, which I had already thought of, just got trashed.

What if your idea is not technically feasible?
Either I have to bring you up to speed on a lifetime of figure skating, I have to be patronizing, or I have to call you an idiot.

Would you let me walk into your office and tell you how to do your job?
'nuff said.

What in the world gives you the idea that you know better than me?
You have one, maybe two skaters-- your kids. I've known thousands. Do the math.

What have I done that makes you think I'm not paying attention?
Did another problem you noticed not get fixed? Did a child get hurt, or ignored? Is the class or rehearsal out of control? Are other mothers complaining?

At our old rink, we did it this way
Right. You want me to do it the way they did it at the rink that for some reason you don't go to anymore.

Update: Anonymous' comment, (first comment below) has made me think a little more about this, so I'll amend a bit. Verbally assaulting a coach with a long string of suggestions about how the choreo or class can be improved, even with a smile on your face, the second she steps off the ice, is not going to elicit a positive response from the coach. You are basically marching into my "office" and proclaiming that you know better than me. You have given the coach no time to process or consider the class, and now you want to "fix" it. Write it down, send me an email, ask if you can talk to me.

In general in negotiations, simply saying "here's my idea, it's better than your idea, why aren't you doing it this way" is not going to get you the result you want. Ask a question--why is it like that? Can you tell me what effect you're going for? State your concern "I'm afraid it won't be polished by the end of the rehearsal period." Simply saying "do it my way" is sure to elicit a defensive response, and then the problem, if indeed there is one, doesn't get fixed, the coach has now flagged you as "one of those moms," and you don't get what you want. Everyone loses.

I probably have taken lots of parent suggestions, when the parents exhibited some professionalism, sensitivity and good timing in how they approached me. Parents expect coaches to behave in this way, after all.