I love skating parties, for birthdays, holidays, and family get-togethers. Skating parties work great for mixed-age groups, and provide ready-made activity, which if I recall from kids skating parties is an enormous boon.
However, they come with their very own set of management and etiquette issues. Here's some things to keep in mind.
The guest list
Dry-land parties are easy--you invite your friends, go somewhere out of sight (i.e. away from school or office) and don't worry too much about the peripheral social circle. But if you have a skating party at your regular rink, you come up against the problem of the "skating friends." Some of these people are actual friends and some of them are just training mates, or even more casual in their acquaintance. Problem is, your kid spends a LOT of time with them.
There are a couple of solutions:
Don't hold the party at the home rink. That way people aren't there to get their feelings hurt. And it's simple courtesy to not talk about parties around people who may not have been invited, so it's a good teaching moment for younger kids too.
Invite only, and ALL skating friends (for instance everyone who takes from your coach) Then have a smaller, close friends party or sleepover for just 5 or 6 non-skating very close friends. These friends might or might not also come to the skating party. This commits you to two parties, of course, but it avoids the hurt feelings at the rink.
Invite who you want, and hold it where you want
Don't worry about the people whose feelings are hurt because a casual acquaintance has a party without them. If you accommodate them in this, they're just going to find something else to complain about.
The Synchro Team
If your child is on a synchro team, and you have a skating party, the issues get stickier. You don't want the party to become an unscheduled team practice; you don't want the team to overwhelm the non-team members who are also there. Plus, your kid may not get along with everyone, and may not want them at her party.
If you invite half the team, you have to invite the whole team
This is a common grade-school rule to keep kids from feeling left out of birthday parties. If half or more of the class is invited, you have to just invite the rest, because there's no way some child is not going to feel really bad about being left out (especially if it's 20 out of 24 being invited).
No synchro skating
You really have to have a no-synchro rule so the team doesn't take over the ice, but if a lot of the team is there, schedule some time for them to do a short exhibition (if you're renting the ice. If you're on public, no exhibition).
Non skaters
You don't have to avoid non-skaters at the party. Hire a pro to teach willing beginners some basics (including adults), and have plenty of engaging off-ice activities so that the ones who really don't want to skate can feel included in the festivities. If there are some very young children, have pushers or cones available.
Show offs
There are going to be some very good skaters at any skating party. You want to police them as little as possible, but gently make sure they're not making the lower level and non-skaters feel inadequate, or hot dogging around on the ice. You can also ask them to do very short, prepared exhibition numbers (again, if you've rented the ice; this won't work on public); this is especially nice if the birthday child is one of the show-offs. You could even set up an impromptu exhibition with the non- and lower skaters, asking the Pro you've hired (for her full rate, please), to put together a little group number with anyone interested.
Parents
Yes. Lots and lots of parents on the ice. More so than regular parties, skating parties are better with lots of adults.
Even if they are non-skaters, or beginners, adult presence on the ice will ipso facto keep the show-offs and the hot doggers at bay. You'll also want some parents in the party room and in the lobby at all times for the non-skaters, bathroom breaks, and bumps and bruises.
How much skating
Time on the ice is generally spelled out in the rental agreement. Most rinks have party packages that include a set number of pre-paid rental skates, a certain amount of ice time or public skate passes, possibly a pro, and a party room. Make sure you leave enough off-ice time for cake and presents!
Renting vs. public
Facilities with multiple ice surfaces, especially if they have "studio" (small) ice, often have very reasonable rentals. This is the best way to do an ice-skating party. You have lots of control because your group is the only one on the ice. This is the best way to do larger parties, say more than 12 families/kids involved. For smaller groups, public skating can work just fine. Some of the best party fun happens on weekend public when there are 4 or 5 or 6 party groups there all at once, and they find each other--you'll get all the skating birthday girls bonding.
How many is too many?
The number of people on the ice, at a well-run facility, is going to be limited by the rental agreement. For a studio-sized rink this is generally 40 to 60 people. If you're doing a party for 60 people, you're crazy, but that's just my opinion. Groups of 6 to 8 kids, with fewer adults supervising, can do well on a public session, and it's also a lot cheaper.
This is a great time of year for family skating--think about making it a party. Bet you didn't know Grandma could spin like that!
Showing posts with label sportsmanship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sportsmanship. Show all posts
Dec 15, 2011
Jan 31, 2010
Mean girls
Ice rinks, populated as they are by pre- and adolescent girls, can be veritable petri dishes of social experience. Popular media depict this as poisonous, with films like Prancer (otherwise pretty good at showing what a rink is like), with its rich-girls/poor girls divide, or Ice Princess, with the unethical coach who recommends that the inexperienced skater wear brand new skates for the first time during a competition.
I polled my skating friends to find out what their experiences were with cliques, positive and negative, and what types of cliques they had encountered—parents, kids, coaches.
Some respondents seemed to pride themselves on being set apart, defined by some special characteristic: “we’re poor but still competing and it pisses people off;” “all of my skaters are really good friends, but they don’t seem to get along with other coaches’ skaters.”
A coach from out of state mentions that there are certain coaches who will only talk amongst themselves, not only about skating, but about anything, setting themselves apart as though even acknowledging someone else diminishes their own expertise somehow.
Every parent I asked this acknowledged that there are parent cliques, but they were universally reluctant to talk about it (which just really made me want to know why.)
T, who grew up at the rink where she now coaches feels that the cliquishness of the current atmosphere is new:
What can you do about cliques?
First of all, do your research. If you’re new to a rink, or just starting to consider private lessons, observe the dynamics for a while. Learn which coaches discourage their skaters from getting involved in the culture of the rink—those kids will be on practice ice, but you’ll never see them in class. People don’t know who their parents are. The parents never volunteer at shows or competitions, and sometimes the skaters don’t even participate in shows or competitions.
Avoid parent gossip like plague, especially from parents you don’t know very well. (Really, what’s the agenda here?) Let your children choose their friendships themselves and then befriend those parents. You’ll find more in common than if you choose your social circle based on who the coach is.
You’ll naturally gravitate towards the families that share your coach, but they’re not the only ones in the rink, and judging a family’s suitability by coaching choice or competitive stature is simply absurd. Skaters have widely varying goals, all valid. The goals of a recreational skater are no less important than the goals of a competitive skater. While shared goals are a way for friendships to start, they are not the only way. Every time I hear a coach tell me that ice show solos aren’t important, or are “good enough for that skater, but my skater has more important goals” I see red. In the universe of a recreational skater, competing at Nationals is by definition unimportant. They aren’t going to do it; it’s not important to them. There is nothing in figure skating inherently more “important” than something else. Goals are personal, not universal.
(Whoa, off the topic there a little, sorry.)
Friendships are a personal choice
Any coach who tells you not to talk to other parents, coaches, skaters, or administrators is to be avoided, and in fact should be questioned. If a coach suggests in any way, “don’t let Susie talk to Jenny,” or if a parent says that her skater only socializes with Coach's other students (or worse, with no one at the rink) make them tell you why. The only way to stop this kind of poisonous behavior is to call them on it. If you’ve been at the rink a while and your skater only seems to know skaters who work with the same coach, see if you can figure out why this is. That’s how the poisonous cliques, and in fact all prejudices, start—with limited experience of the “other.”
Not all friendship groups are cliques, and not all cliques are exclusive or destructive. You don’t want to discourage close friendships, and while I think T’s idyllic experience is sadly a thing of the past, I still maintain that an ice rink is a great place to grow up.
Let me know your experience with cliques, good and bad, and how you handled it, in the comments.
I polled my skating friends to find out what their experiences were with cliques, positive and negative, and what types of cliques they had encountered—parents, kids, coaches.
Some respondents seemed to pride themselves on being set apart, defined by some special characteristic: “we’re poor but still competing and it pisses people off;” “all of my skaters are really good friends, but they don’t seem to get along with other coaches’ skaters.”
A coach from out of state mentions that there are certain coaches who will only talk amongst themselves, not only about skating, but about anything, setting themselves apart as though even acknowledging someone else diminishes their own expertise somehow.
Every parent I asked this acknowledged that there are parent cliques, but they were universally reluctant to talk about it (which just really made me want to know why.)
T, who grew up at the rink where she now coaches feels that the cliquishness of the current atmosphere is new:
Cliques didn't really exist in my generation of skating. I can prove it with pictures (NB: She can, I’ve seen them, plus they are ALL still friends). Where you will now see several small sized groups of skaters together, my clique was larger and more inclusive of a broader range of skaters.B, another skater who grew up a couple of skating generations after her had a very different experience at the same rink:
I grew up in a different era of skating – it didn’t matter who your coach was; we were all always there at the same time, and thus, got to know each other pretty well.
My story sounds like a fairytale in a sport considered bitchy and elite. Aside from the day-to-day drama that pre-teens/teenagers produce, it was really quite picturesque. The beauty of kids of multiple ages and different coaching backgrounds all pooled together as one group that dominated the rink made it fun for everyone. Sure, we had our scoffs and irritations with one another, but at the end of the day or at graduation time, we were still happy for each other and grateful for the memories we made together.
I hated how cliquish the rink was, with people basing their opinion of you on stupid sh*t like what coach you had. [Those girls] were always so mean to me even though I just wanted to be friends. And I absorbed this model in an attempt to fit in, being mean to other people for no reason.R, from the same generation as B, didn’t even want to teach at their childhood rink, and never bothered to apply for a position there; “It’s too weird over there” she told me. B has this same attitude. “I can’t stand the idea of going back and just getting sucked into it again.”
In life there are going to be people you get along with and people you don't. Coaches and parents can really have an effect on this; I’ve known of coaches and parents hinting to kids that they shouldn't hang out with other coaches’ students; in fact I think coaches and parents have more to do with cliques forming than kids do. There are a lot of people who are my friends now who were really mean to me as a kid. Now we’re older we realize that it didn't matter who your coach was. Kids are just dumb; they’ll follow the lead of the adults.
What can you do about cliques?
First of all, do your research. If you’re new to a rink, or just starting to consider private lessons, observe the dynamics for a while. Learn which coaches discourage their skaters from getting involved in the culture of the rink—those kids will be on practice ice, but you’ll never see them in class. People don’t know who their parents are. The parents never volunteer at shows or competitions, and sometimes the skaters don’t even participate in shows or competitions.
Avoid parent gossip like plague, especially from parents you don’t know very well. (Really, what’s the agenda here?) Let your children choose their friendships themselves and then befriend those parents. You’ll find more in common than if you choose your social circle based on who the coach is.
You’ll naturally gravitate towards the families that share your coach, but they’re not the only ones in the rink, and judging a family’s suitability by coaching choice or competitive stature is simply absurd. Skaters have widely varying goals, all valid. The goals of a recreational skater are no less important than the goals of a competitive skater. While shared goals are a way for friendships to start, they are not the only way. Every time I hear a coach tell me that ice show solos aren’t important, or are “good enough for that skater, but my skater has more important goals” I see red. In the universe of a recreational skater, competing at Nationals is by definition unimportant. They aren’t going to do it; it’s not important to them. There is nothing in figure skating inherently more “important” than something else. Goals are personal, not universal.
(Whoa, off the topic there a little, sorry.)
Friendships are a personal choice
Any coach who tells you not to talk to other parents, coaches, skaters, or administrators is to be avoided, and in fact should be questioned. If a coach suggests in any way, “don’t let Susie talk to Jenny,” or if a parent says that her skater only socializes with Coach's other students (or worse, with no one at the rink) make them tell you why. The only way to stop this kind of poisonous behavior is to call them on it. If you’ve been at the rink a while and your skater only seems to know skaters who work with the same coach, see if you can figure out why this is. That’s how the poisonous cliques, and in fact all prejudices, start—with limited experience of the “other.”
Not all friendship groups are cliques, and not all cliques are exclusive or destructive. You don’t want to discourage close friendships, and while I think T’s idyllic experience is sadly a thing of the past, I still maintain that an ice rink is a great place to grow up.
Let me know your experience with cliques, good and bad, and how you handled it, in the comments.
Jan 23, 2010
The children who won't go to the Olympics
I just got home from a lesson with a disabled student. "Miss E," as her mom calls her, has dyspraxia. Dyspraxic kids have trouble turning information into action which can affect movement, language, and perception. Including E, I have two developmentally disabled private students, and I am working with 7 disabled children in my classes, about 10% of the total number of children in my classes this session. (UPDATE: since writing this, I've become the Program Leader for SPICE, a regular class for children with special needs.)
E is the first child with dyspraxia I've worked with, so I'm learning about this disability. Children on the Aspergers/autism spectrum are quite common, and I've had kids with diagnosed OCD, Downs, and cerebral palsy. But every child that one works with has unique gifts and deficits, even so-called "normal" ones. One of the things that makes group teaching the most challenging kind of instruction is finding ways to meet every child's needs.
While Rachel Flatt is landing triples on tv right now, I'm still exhausted and exhilarated because Miss E figured out how to push today. I've been working on this for weeks, literally on my hands and knees, putting her feet in the proper position. Bent over to help her limbs skate the pattern. And today she did it. Pushed with power and knowledge. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
The best low freestyle student I've got in classes right now is L, who is a Downs child. L is smart and a gifted athlete; the sweetest girl and the hardest worker, but it has taken her years to get where normally-abled children get in a few months or less, and her technique will never be proper because she doesn't have the muscle tone she needs. But everyone on staff loves to get her in class because of her pride and her joy and her sweet nature.
R had severe OCD. Every step she took was agony, because it had to be perfect. H, now residing in a boarding school, has autism. After three sessions, he was no longer screaming at the other students and hitting me. He never learned the skills in the level, but he learned how to take a class. I give special credit, and blessing, to the other students and parents who tolerated this, and they share in his success. D is high-functioning Aspergers, diagnosed young; his mother is using the challenging environment of an ice rink to help him assimilate the sensory input that can be so overwhelming to Aspergers kids.
So while we are watching Rachel Flatt with her four AP classes, and Sasha Cohen with her determination not to let the quest for the gold go, I want everyone to remember that many children have their own olympic successes, and it might just be looking a teacher in the eye and smiling, because you finally understand.
E is the first child with dyspraxia I've worked with, so I'm learning about this disability. Children on the Aspergers/autism spectrum are quite common, and I've had kids with diagnosed OCD, Downs, and cerebral palsy. But every child that one works with has unique gifts and deficits, even so-called "normal" ones. One of the things that makes group teaching the most challenging kind of instruction is finding ways to meet every child's needs.
While Rachel Flatt is landing triples on tv right now, I'm still exhausted and exhilarated because Miss E figured out how to push today. I've been working on this for weeks, literally on my hands and knees, putting her feet in the proper position. Bent over to help her limbs skate the pattern. And today she did it. Pushed with power and knowledge. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
The best low freestyle student I've got in classes right now is L, who is a Downs child. L is smart and a gifted athlete; the sweetest girl and the hardest worker, but it has taken her years to get where normally-abled children get in a few months or less, and her technique will never be proper because she doesn't have the muscle tone she needs. But everyone on staff loves to get her in class because of her pride and her joy and her sweet nature.
R had severe OCD. Every step she took was agony, because it had to be perfect. H, now residing in a boarding school, has autism. After three sessions, he was no longer screaming at the other students and hitting me. He never learned the skills in the level, but he learned how to take a class. I give special credit, and blessing, to the other students and parents who tolerated this, and they share in his success. D is high-functioning Aspergers, diagnosed young; his mother is using the challenging environment of an ice rink to help him assimilate the sensory input that can be so overwhelming to Aspergers kids.
So while we are watching Rachel Flatt with her four AP classes, and Sasha Cohen with her determination not to let the quest for the gold go, I want everyone to remember that many children have their own olympic successes, and it might just be looking a teacher in the eye and smiling, because you finally understand.
Jan 22, 2010
Who does the choreography?
Watching U.S. Nationals this week, I had a new skater's mom ask me, "who does the choreography"? Not just for the elite skaters on tv, either. She was worried that she'd have to hire a choreographer for her Beta student at Basic Skills competition.
First of all, no your Learn-to-Skate/Basic Skills skater does not need a choreographer. The regular coach will be fine. So running down from top to bottom who should be doing the choreography?
Elite skaters
At the elite level (that's the skaters who have a shot at making it to nationals), you'll be hiring someone who specializes in choreography for elite skaters. By the time you get to that level, you'll have lots of help figuring out who this is. Many elite choreographers are former champions, like Alexander Zhulin and Christopher Dean. Just as there is a range of high level skaters-- from kids who are "test" skaters (i.e. never make it out of regionals or never compete at all) up to stars like Sasha Cohen, there are also a range of choreography specialists. Every rink with a strong freestyle program will have "go-to" coaches for choreography.
So then comes the question, should you hire them? If you have ambitions to compete at a high level, you need a great combination of main coach and choreographer. It's not just about waving your arms around. The rules for achieving high point totals are complex and constantly changing; choreographers need to be held to the rules. Plenty of time for art when you sign with Stars on Ice. I've seen programs ruined even at the little local ISI competitions by coaches who couldn't be bothered to learn the rules. What a stupid reason for your skater to score low.
But correct me if I'm wrong; I don't think a lot of elite skaters are reading this blog. When do you need a choreographer?
Can my coach choreograph a program?
If you've got a private coach, you've got a choreographer. Every coach knows how to put together a program (or should, see above). If your skater is doing only some combination of USFS non-qualifying competitions, only ISI competitions, or only USFS or ISI test programs you really don't need to hire another choreographer. You know that a coach can put together a test program if his or her kids are passing USFS tests. You'll know if the coach has screwed up by not including a required element because you'll get the judging sheets and it will be noted. A PSA rating is also a sign that the coach knows choreography, because basic choreography is part of every ratings area, even group.
A test program should be well balanced and engaging for the skater, but does not need to set new standards of artistry. Hiring an outside choreographer for a test program (especially below the Novice level) is kind of slap in the face to the coach. How to put together a test program is one of the things that coaches know.
Starting around Novice (lower if you've got a nationals skater), or if you've got a gifted skater with ambition and a future in skating, your coach will let you know if you should hire an outside choreographer, and will have both suggestions and contacts. Below the Novice level, you do not need an outside choreographer. The parents that hire famous choreographers to do their kids' Pre-Juvenile programs get eye rolls from the coaching staff (out of sight). Parents that hire other rink coaches to choreograph low level test programs just create resentment and risk their coach's commitment to their skater.
But that one coach does such cool programs...
If there's a coach at your rink who is known for their choreography and your skater wants to work with him or her, do this for some program that is less critical, like a show solo or an exhibition. Check with your regular coach and make sure she's on board with it. Have him or her make the contact; don't go to the choreographer on your own, if for no other reason than that the very first thing an ethical choreographer is going to do is go to the regular coach and make sure it's okay anyway.
My skater never wins. I think I'll blame the coach.
First, the brutal truth. A. Your skater might get unlucky draws that place her against more gifted skaters. B. Your skater is not gifted. (ouch)
However, if you suspect your skater is failing tests or placing poorly at competitions because of inadequate choreography, first express your concern to the coach. Some aspects of choreography that can affect test and competition scores are: programming all required elements, NOT programming illegal elements, use of the ice surface (ice coverage and multiple changes of direction), correct duration, well-balanced program (i.e. don't put all the jumps together, or just skate from jump to jump or spin to spin), program not too hard or too easy for skater. At ISI competitions, you don't get to see the judges' sheets and the judges are discouraged from sharing reasons for placement. But if your skater is consistently placing 2nd or 3rd "against the book" (i.e. only skater in the flight), see if you can get the skating director at the competition to review the judges sheets to see if there is a problem. (She won't show them to you, but she might look at the them for you and tell you if the skater missed an element or had a penalty.) At non-qualifying USFS competitions you will get the "protocols" that show all the elements and the judges' placements and will clearly see if elements were missing or the component scores are consistently low.
Please note that the most common reason for poor placement or failing tests is that the skater has not completed the elements properly, or as they were choreographed, NOT that the choreography was inadequate. I recently had a skater just completely leave her spiral sequence out of a performance. Best thing in the program, required element, and she just completely forgot to do it.
Choreography, like ice time, expensive skates and fancy costumes, is something to grow into. Err on the side of caution. If you're not sure whether you should hire a choreographer, then don't. If your coach is uncomfortable with it or discourages you, listen to her.
First of all, no your Learn-to-Skate/Basic Skills skater does not need a choreographer. The regular coach will be fine. So running down from top to bottom who should be doing the choreography?
Elite skaters
At the elite level (that's the skaters who have a shot at making it to nationals), you'll be hiring someone who specializes in choreography for elite skaters. By the time you get to that level, you'll have lots of help figuring out who this is. Many elite choreographers are former champions, like Alexander Zhulin and Christopher Dean. Just as there is a range of high level skaters-- from kids who are "test" skaters (i.e. never make it out of regionals or never compete at all) up to stars like Sasha Cohen, there are also a range of choreography specialists. Every rink with a strong freestyle program will have "go-to" coaches for choreography.
So then comes the question, should you hire them? If you have ambitions to compete at a high level, you need a great combination of main coach and choreographer. It's not just about waving your arms around. The rules for achieving high point totals are complex and constantly changing; choreographers need to be held to the rules. Plenty of time for art when you sign with Stars on Ice. I've seen programs ruined even at the little local ISI competitions by coaches who couldn't be bothered to learn the rules. What a stupid reason for your skater to score low.
But correct me if I'm wrong; I don't think a lot of elite skaters are reading this blog. When do you need a choreographer?
Can my coach choreograph a program?
If you've got a private coach, you've got a choreographer. Every coach knows how to put together a program (or should, see above). If your skater is doing only some combination of USFS non-qualifying competitions, only ISI competitions, or only USFS or ISI test programs you really don't need to hire another choreographer. You know that a coach can put together a test program if his or her kids are passing USFS tests. You'll know if the coach has screwed up by not including a required element because you'll get the judging sheets and it will be noted. A PSA rating is also a sign that the coach knows choreography, because basic choreography is part of every ratings area, even group.
A test program should be well balanced and engaging for the skater, but does not need to set new standards of artistry. Hiring an outside choreographer for a test program (especially below the Novice level) is kind of slap in the face to the coach. How to put together a test program is one of the things that coaches know.
Starting around Novice (lower if you've got a nationals skater), or if you've got a gifted skater with ambition and a future in skating, your coach will let you know if you should hire an outside choreographer, and will have both suggestions and contacts. Below the Novice level, you do not need an outside choreographer. The parents that hire famous choreographers to do their kids' Pre-Juvenile programs get eye rolls from the coaching staff (out of sight). Parents that hire other rink coaches to choreograph low level test programs just create resentment and risk their coach's commitment to their skater.
But that one coach does such cool programs...
If there's a coach at your rink who is known for their choreography and your skater wants to work with him or her, do this for some program that is less critical, like a show solo or an exhibition. Check with your regular coach and make sure she's on board with it. Have him or her make the contact; don't go to the choreographer on your own, if for no other reason than that the very first thing an ethical choreographer is going to do is go to the regular coach and make sure it's okay anyway.
My skater never wins. I think I'll blame the coach.
First, the brutal truth. A. Your skater might get unlucky draws that place her against more gifted skaters. B. Your skater is not gifted. (ouch)
However, if you suspect your skater is failing tests or placing poorly at competitions because of inadequate choreography, first express your concern to the coach. Some aspects of choreography that can affect test and competition scores are: programming all required elements, NOT programming illegal elements, use of the ice surface (ice coverage and multiple changes of direction), correct duration, well-balanced program (i.e. don't put all the jumps together, or just skate from jump to jump or spin to spin), program not too hard or too easy for skater. At ISI competitions, you don't get to see the judges' sheets and the judges are discouraged from sharing reasons for placement. But if your skater is consistently placing 2nd or 3rd "against the book" (i.e. only skater in the flight), see if you can get the skating director at the competition to review the judges sheets to see if there is a problem. (She won't show them to you, but she might look at the them for you and tell you if the skater missed an element or had a penalty.) At non-qualifying USFS competitions you will get the "protocols" that show all the elements and the judges' placements and will clearly see if elements were missing or the component scores are consistently low.
Please note that the most common reason for poor placement or failing tests is that the skater has not completed the elements properly, or as they were choreographed, NOT that the choreography was inadequate. I recently had a skater just completely leave her spiral sequence out of a performance. Best thing in the program, required element, and she just completely forgot to do it.
Choreography, like ice time, expensive skates and fancy costumes, is something to grow into. Err on the side of caution. If you're not sure whether you should hire a choreographer, then don't. If your coach is uncomfortable with it or discourages you, listen to her.
Jan 11, 2010
Reverse sandbagging
We've all heard of sandbagging; i.e. holding a skater back from testing so that s/he can compete at a lower level and mop up the competition. It's a reprehensible thing to do. Rinks and coaches get away with it through a variety of rationalisations: "We just have very stringent standards." "She usually competes USFS, so we haven't taken the ISI tests" "We didn't have time to get a test session in before the competition deadline."
A more puzzling phenomenon is what I call "reverse sandbagging," or passing a child ahead because you think she's got potential, because she managed to squeak through the skills at the current level (without having a review to make sure she's got the skills from the prior level) or some vague philosophy of where a child "should" be based on age.
I'm not sure what drives this phenomenon. The age thing has been presented to me more than once, with an assurance that "we've added extra lessons to help her catch up." (Alarm bells going off here-- how about leave her in the $9 class instead of the $40 lesson? Then she'll actually learn the skill and not have to catch up.)
There's the coach who wants to look like a good guy and not hold a kid back, or who wants to seem like s/he knows more than that other coach that didn't pass you. I myself have had kids who rocked a test and then come back the next week unable to put their own mittens on, let along show me a decent crossover.
Disagreements between class coach and private coach can happen too, in both directions. At some rinks you only have to pass one of any test you take to move up. At others, if you take 2 classes of the same level, both instructors have to pass you. I've worked at a rink that never allowed free style testing in class. You had to test before a panel--skating director, class coach, private coach--and all three had to pass you. Another system uses indepedent tester who don't know the skater. None of these systems keeps the disagreements from happening.
But these are all just observations. Every single coach you talk to will tell you that they NEVER do this. They NEVER pass a skater who isn't ready.
So here's my solution:
• If you're the parent, educate yourself about what skaters can do at each level, by watching the class and judging who seems competent and who seems lost. Remember that in skating, all passes are a "D." We rarely do what is called "passing over" (i.e. over the passing standard). You don't need an A to pass. If you're not sure, ask a coach what the elements are (or go to the ISI or USFS websites-- the skills descriptions are there.) If your skater seems to be consistently way better or way worse (not slower or faster mind you) than other skaters in the class, ask the teacher or your private coach about it. Ask the coach what "5 cross overs in a row" really means, or what a good 3-turn or salchow looks like.
• If you're a skater, especially a child, don't be afraid to let the teacher know when you're scared of a skill, or confused, or uncomfortable, or if you feel like you're getting left behind. If you're unwilling to talk to the coach, tell your mom or dad that you need help. Skating coaches expect a high degree of maturity from kids; we will be impressed by a child who shares his or her concerns.
• If you're the class coach with a skater who has been held back or held up, find a way to make the skills work for the skater within the context of the class. I feel that you cannot send a child back; once the child has been told they pass, you have to honor it, it's not worth making the kid feel bad. I also don't agree with skipping levels without compelling evidence that the child not only can do everything at the level they're skipping, but also know what everything is called. I can't be explaining what a mohawk even is in a Freestyle 1 class. I don't care if the kid can do it-- they need to know what it's called. At any rate, even in a large class, you can give a floundering or bored kid special things to do that help them.
• If you are the private lesson coach, you need to know who is testing your students and when. Especially if you don't want a skater to pass, don't leave it to chance. Go to the class coach before the test and ask how the skater is doing. If you feel they should repeat the level, ask the class coach not to pass them. Most class coaches will honor this unless there is a compelling reason to pass the kid. It would be nice if class coaches would check with the private lesson coach first, but this is impractical in most programs.
Every skating curriculum I've seen has clear, precise descriptions of what passing a skill entails. Every skating coach I've ever known has their own interpretation of what they think that means, and which skills can be finessed and which must be mastered.
A more puzzling phenomenon is what I call "reverse sandbagging," or passing a child ahead because you think she's got potential, because she managed to squeak through the skills at the current level (without having a review to make sure she's got the skills from the prior level) or some vague philosophy of where a child "should" be based on age.
I'm not sure what drives this phenomenon. The age thing has been presented to me more than once, with an assurance that "we've added extra lessons to help her catch up." (Alarm bells going off here-- how about leave her in the $9 class instead of the $40 lesson? Then she'll actually learn the skill and not have to catch up.)
There's the coach who wants to look like a good guy and not hold a kid back, or who wants to seem like s/he knows more than that other coach that didn't pass you. I myself have had kids who rocked a test and then come back the next week unable to put their own mittens on, let along show me a decent crossover.
Disagreements between class coach and private coach can happen too, in both directions. At some rinks you only have to pass one of any test you take to move up. At others, if you take 2 classes of the same level, both instructors have to pass you. I've worked at a rink that never allowed free style testing in class. You had to test before a panel--skating director, class coach, private coach--and all three had to pass you. Another system uses indepedent tester who don't know the skater. None of these systems keeps the disagreements from happening.
But these are all just observations. Every single coach you talk to will tell you that they NEVER do this. They NEVER pass a skater who isn't ready.
So here's my solution:
• If you're the parent, educate yourself about what skaters can do at each level, by watching the class and judging who seems competent and who seems lost. Remember that in skating, all passes are a "D." We rarely do what is called "passing over" (i.e. over the passing standard). You don't need an A to pass. If you're not sure, ask a coach what the elements are (or go to the ISI or USFS websites-- the skills descriptions are there.) If your skater seems to be consistently way better or way worse (not slower or faster mind you) than other skaters in the class, ask the teacher or your private coach about it. Ask the coach what "5 cross overs in a row" really means, or what a good 3-turn or salchow looks like.
• If you're a skater, especially a child, don't be afraid to let the teacher know when you're scared of a skill, or confused, or uncomfortable, or if you feel like you're getting left behind. If you're unwilling to talk to the coach, tell your mom or dad that you need help. Skating coaches expect a high degree of maturity from kids; we will be impressed by a child who shares his or her concerns.
• If you're the class coach with a skater who has been held back or held up, find a way to make the skills work for the skater within the context of the class. I feel that you cannot send a child back; once the child has been told they pass, you have to honor it, it's not worth making the kid feel bad. I also don't agree with skipping levels without compelling evidence that the child not only can do everything at the level they're skipping, but also know what everything is called. I can't be explaining what a mohawk even is in a Freestyle 1 class. I don't care if the kid can do it-- they need to know what it's called. At any rate, even in a large class, you can give a floundering or bored kid special things to do that help them.
• If you are the private lesson coach, you need to know who is testing your students and when. Especially if you don't want a skater to pass, don't leave it to chance. Go to the class coach before the test and ask how the skater is doing. If you feel they should repeat the level, ask the class coach not to pass them. Most class coaches will honor this unless there is a compelling reason to pass the kid. It would be nice if class coaches would check with the private lesson coach first, but this is impractical in most programs.
Every skating curriculum I've seen has clear, precise descriptions of what passing a skill entails. Every skating coach I've ever known has their own interpretation of what they think that means, and which skills can be finessed and which must be mastered.
Jan 2, 2010
I just want to know what's going on
Generally, the session starting in February is the busiest-- more new skaters start in February than during any other session. And everyone is anticipating (hoping) that 2010, an Olympic year, is going to be a bigger boost than we've had in a while.
With new skaters come new parents, "immigrants" (that's what I call the skaters who switch into your program from other programs), or, as we skating coaches like to call them, fresh meat.
No no! I mean, we call them exciting new students of the wonderful world of figure skating!
Seriously, though, fresh meat is what you'll be if you get all your information sitting in the stands listening to parents with an agenda. Because it's often the ones with an agenda who seek out the fresh meat and start talking about the program, the other parents, and how they feel about everyone else's coach in comparison to theirs. Especially the "immigrants" with higher-level skaters are likely to hear some of the following comments and statements:
"Um, where did she learn her jump technique?"
"Oh, is that how her coach likes her to finish her spins?"
"She only skates twice a week!!!!???"
"My daughter's coach doesn't do it like that."
"All of our coaches' kids have been landing that jump since they were [gives age younger than your child appears to be.]"
"Isn't she kind of fast/slow/advanced/behind for that level?"
You get the drift.
So how do you keep the gossip at bay? Well, first of all, don't engage in it. Respond to all of the above comments with a vague "really?". If you feel like parents are steering you to a coach, nip it in the bud. That can get a coach in trouble, and can also blind you to the virtues of the full range of coaches at a new rink. Sit back and watch for a few weeks and find out what coaches have styles and skaters that you like. Don't choose a coach based on gossip.
But how do you sort the gossip from the useful information?
First of all, gossip can actually be full of useful information, you just have to filter out the snarks, the self-interested, and the show-offs. Second, be an equal-opportunity gossip collector. If you can't get away from the gossip (or don't want to--we're only human!) make sure you hear as much as you can. You'll start detecting patterns, you'll start hearing contradictions, and then you can start making your own judgments.
Get involved-- if it's close to ice show, exhibition, or competition time, ask to volunteer. You'll meet the people who really do know what's going on. (Some of them will also be gossips, of both the benign and the malignant types, but I tend to give volunteers a little more of a pass, because they are contributing extra to the program.)
Seek different types of sources-- talk to and listen to managers, coaches, kids, parents. See what you can find on line about both your program, and about skating schools and curricula in general. Check out my "figure skating links" in the side bar for sites. Read IceMom from start to finish. Go to discussion forums like the ones at Figure Skating Universe, Yahoo, and US Figure Skating.
You just want to know what's going on, after all. Just make sure what you're hearing is, in fact, what is going on.
With new skaters come new parents, "immigrants" (that's what I call the skaters who switch into your program from other programs), or, as we skating coaches like to call them, fresh meat.
No no! I mean, we call them exciting new students of the wonderful world of figure skating!
Seriously, though, fresh meat is what you'll be if you get all your information sitting in the stands listening to parents with an agenda. Because it's often the ones with an agenda who seek out the fresh meat and start talking about the program, the other parents, and how they feel about everyone else's coach in comparison to theirs. Especially the "immigrants" with higher-level skaters are likely to hear some of the following comments and statements:
"Um, where did she learn her jump technique?"
"Oh, is that how her coach likes her to finish her spins?"
"She only skates twice a week!!!!???"
"My daughter's coach doesn't do it like that."
"All of our coaches' kids have been landing that jump since they were [gives age younger than your child appears to be.]"
"Isn't she kind of fast/slow/advanced/behind for that level?"
You get the drift.
So how do you keep the gossip at bay? Well, first of all, don't engage in it. Respond to all of the above comments with a vague "really?". If you feel like parents are steering you to a coach, nip it in the bud. That can get a coach in trouble, and can also blind you to the virtues of the full range of coaches at a new rink. Sit back and watch for a few weeks and find out what coaches have styles and skaters that you like. Don't choose a coach based on gossip.
But how do you sort the gossip from the useful information?
First of all, gossip can actually be full of useful information, you just have to filter out the snarks, the self-interested, and the show-offs. Second, be an equal-opportunity gossip collector. If you can't get away from the gossip (or don't want to--we're only human!) make sure you hear as much as you can. You'll start detecting patterns, you'll start hearing contradictions, and then you can start making your own judgments.
Get involved-- if it's close to ice show, exhibition, or competition time, ask to volunteer. You'll meet the people who really do know what's going on. (Some of them will also be gossips, of both the benign and the malignant types, but I tend to give volunteers a little more of a pass, because they are contributing extra to the program.)
Seek different types of sources-- talk to and listen to managers, coaches, kids, parents. See what you can find on line about both your program, and about skating schools and curricula in general. Check out my "figure skating links" in the side bar for sites. Read IceMom from start to finish. Go to discussion forums like the ones at Figure Skating Universe, Yahoo, and US Figure Skating.
You just want to know what's going on, after all. Just make sure what you're hearing is, in fact, what is going on.
Dec 28, 2009
Practice ice etiquette and common sense
This post from Ice Mom caused me to dig into my drafts list and resurrect an idea from a couple of months ago called "what is practice ice." I had let the idea fall off because it seemed rather prosaic, with no hook or narrative. But the dilemma of Ice Mom's reader got my juices flowing, and helped me remember what it was like being a new mom and a new skater dealing with practice ice.
So, what is practice ice anyway? Well, a healthy program will find as many ways to use the ice as they can-- classes, figure skating practice, hockey games and practice, speed skating, special events, private rental. This is to appeal to as many customers as possible. You'll generally find people practicing figure skating on dedicated practice ice, and on public sessions. The difference is that at most rinks practice ice has an upper limit of users-- usually between 20 and 30 (this is why you pay more for practice than for public), and you can teach on it (not all rinks allow lessons on public sessions). You can also impose more specific and more stringent rules on practice ice.
Practice ice protocols and rules will vary from rink to rink. And this means not just what the published rules are, but also how far you can bend those rules. At my main rink, we are inflexible on skating level. "High" ice means you have a solid axel, period. Doesn't matter if the ice is undersold. If you're not tested onto that ice we will kick you off. But we're notoriously lax about making sure skaters have turned in a coupon, and some monitors are more haphazard about rules enforcement than others. At another rink I teach at I have seen puck practice on figure skating ice, apparently because they're more concerned about money than safety (did I just say that?).
So the first thing to find out when you or your child starts working on practice ice, is "what are the rules". Don't run up against them out of ignorance and then get all bent out of shape. Don't assume that what you know at one rink applies at every rink. Don't complain because someone seems to be in violation-- they might be utilizing some dispensation you don't know about. Observe for a while and find out where the rules seem, um, flexible. You're probably going to have to live with that. You need to understand not only the rules, but also the rink's idiosyncratic culture.
Sports facilities always have rules. One sees rules posted at swimming pools or the basketball court at the Y. There are things that are forbidden ("no jumps or programs in the first 5 minutes of each session," for instance, or no triples on low ice), general flow patterns (moves in the outer corridor, spins in the middle, jumps at the ends, lutz corners and watch out for clockwise jumpers) and right-of-way (generally for lessons and program run throughs). Other rules you might encounter: number/order of program plays, jump set-ups must utilize at least half the rink (i.e. no skating round and round in circles doing waltz jumps in one spot), coaches must teach from the boards (i.e. no standing around in the middle of the ice giving tips), no splitting sessions (i.e. paying for only half a session, or sharing coupons), no standing in the middle of the ice, no hanging out at the boards, no colored drinks. I'd be interested in hearing other rules from other rinks as well.
You can find out the rules by checking to see if they are posted or published. We used to post practice ice rules at my rink, but I haven't seen the poster in years, which is too bad because I think it would save a lot of grief and confusion. If your skater has never been on a practice session before, for goodness sake ask your coach (or any coach, if you aren't doing privates) to skate you around and explain it the first time. Why this isn't a requirement to qualify for practice ice is an utter mystery to me.
Things that can sabotage a well-thought out set of practice ice rules:
So, what is practice ice anyway? Well, a healthy program will find as many ways to use the ice as they can-- classes, figure skating practice, hockey games and practice, speed skating, special events, private rental. This is to appeal to as many customers as possible. You'll generally find people practicing figure skating on dedicated practice ice, and on public sessions. The difference is that at most rinks practice ice has an upper limit of users-- usually between 20 and 30 (this is why you pay more for practice than for public), and you can teach on it (not all rinks allow lessons on public sessions). You can also impose more specific and more stringent rules on practice ice.
Practice ice protocols and rules will vary from rink to rink. And this means not just what the published rules are, but also how far you can bend those rules. At my main rink, we are inflexible on skating level. "High" ice means you have a solid axel, period. Doesn't matter if the ice is undersold. If you're not tested onto that ice we will kick you off. But we're notoriously lax about making sure skaters have turned in a coupon, and some monitors are more haphazard about rules enforcement than others. At another rink I teach at I have seen puck practice on figure skating ice, apparently because they're more concerned about money than safety (did I just say that?).
So the first thing to find out when you or your child starts working on practice ice, is "what are the rules". Don't run up against them out of ignorance and then get all bent out of shape. Don't assume that what you know at one rink applies at every rink. Don't complain because someone seems to be in violation-- they might be utilizing some dispensation you don't know about. Observe for a while and find out where the rules seem, um, flexible. You're probably going to have to live with that. You need to understand not only the rules, but also the rink's idiosyncratic culture.
Sports facilities always have rules. One sees rules posted at swimming pools or the basketball court at the Y. There are things that are forbidden ("no jumps or programs in the first 5 minutes of each session," for instance, or no triples on low ice), general flow patterns (moves in the outer corridor, spins in the middle, jumps at the ends, lutz corners and watch out for clockwise jumpers) and right-of-way (generally for lessons and program run throughs). Other rules you might encounter: number/order of program plays, jump set-ups must utilize at least half the rink (i.e. no skating round and round in circles doing waltz jumps in one spot), coaches must teach from the boards (i.e. no standing around in the middle of the ice giving tips), no splitting sessions (i.e. paying for only half a session, or sharing coupons), no standing in the middle of the ice, no hanging out at the boards, no colored drinks. I'd be interested in hearing other rules from other rinks as well.
You can find out the rules by checking to see if they are posted or published. We used to post practice ice rules at my rink, but I haven't seen the poster in years, which is too bad because I think it would save a lot of grief and confusion. If your skater has never been on a practice session before, for goodness sake ask your coach (or any coach, if you aren't doing privates) to skate you around and explain it the first time. Why this isn't a requirement to qualify for practice ice is an utter mystery to me.
Things that can sabotage a well-thought out set of practice ice rules:
- coaches who refuse to comply because they know there are no consequences. You're going to get some of this anywhere, sometimes over all the rules, sometimes over just some of them. My guess is management lets some things go and digs on others; I don't want to speculate or complain about why some rules are enforced and others ignored. It is what it is.
- monitors who don't understand their power, or who abuse it. Yes, the ice monitor has power. Yes, sometimes the monitor will favor her daughter, or the daughter's cronies, or the daughter's coach. Too bad. Complain to management later. I used to tell my daughter that the ice monitor was g*d. You do what she says, when she says it. If you have a problem, take it up with her later, don't gum up practice ice. That said, ice monitors need to know the rules, they need to have regular training sessions, and they need to have occasional thank you luncheons, as having the worst volunteer job in the rink because everyone dumps on them.
- guest coaches who try to impose their home rink rules on your ice. The other coaches in the rink, or the monitor, need to set them straight, politely but firmly, at the time of the infraction. "I'm sorry, this is low ice, your student can't work on triples here. Could he do moves instead? There's a high session in an hour."
Dec 21, 2009
Commitment in figure skating
Back to private lessons! A frustrated coaching friend on Facebook chat one day:
Commitment is not only about honoring the coach's time and showing up for lessons, it's about committing to improvement by taking your own time and practicing as well. And by practicing effectively. One of the major things skating coaches try to overcome is bad habits and poor technique that gets in the way of successful skill acquisition. I'll often hear from skaters, "it's too hard to do it that way" "I like the other way better" "I'm used to the other way" etc. If a skater has a lesson where the coach changes the technique, but then doesn't apply the new technique on her own, for these or other reasons, or through sheer laziness or disdain, that's a failure of commitment to their own goals and desires.
Parents fail at this too, especially in the bill paying. There isn't a coach in America who doesn't have some parent who keeps promising to pay "next week." You don't want to punish the kid by refusing the lesson; after all it's not the kid's fault. But parents not committing to the expense, whatever they agree to, are passing on a bad lesson to their kids, and are risking losing face with the kids when the coach finally has to say "no." (This goes for paying for ice time, too. Please stop sneaking onto the ice without paying. We take attendance, and you will receive a bill.) What parents also forget about canceling lessons is the direct effect that has on the coach's well being, inasmuch as that's her income. If you are constantly canceling lessons, bills are not getting paid. This is not going to make the coach feel like she needs to commit to you either.
I don't exempt coach's behavior here either. Too many coaches blow off classes, especially at the lower levels, or don't give the weaker kids the same attention they give the gifted ones.. If you take a staff coaching job, and the skating director puts you on a class, you need to be there. If you don't want to commit to whatever class you're assigned to and to all of the students in the class, don't take the job.
Most coaches will accept the skater's (or the parent's) goal. So if what you are really willing to commit to is only maintenance, for instance, be honest about it. If you know you can't attend practice, or that you'll miss a lot of lessons, just say so. A lesson plan can be structured around a more erratic, irregular schedule. But if you tell the coach that your goal is to compete, or to get a top role in the ice show, or to achieve a certain skill, you have to commit to the work it will take to get there.
There are a lot of people who take privates who don't quite get what that means as an investment and commitment. A lot of people are under the impression that a private lesson is like a magic wand, so they don't stick with the schedule and they blow off lessons all the time, and then wonder why their kid isn't doing any better.Especially those of us who focus on recreational skaters, that is, kids who are in it for the fun and the show solos, this is an on-going frustration. To progress at anything you have to commit. A coach can only give you information. The skater has to apply it, and they have to learn to apply it on their own.
Commitment is not only about honoring the coach's time and showing up for lessons, it's about committing to improvement by taking your own time and practicing as well. And by practicing effectively. One of the major things skating coaches try to overcome is bad habits and poor technique that gets in the way of successful skill acquisition. I'll often hear from skaters, "it's too hard to do it that way" "I like the other way better" "I'm used to the other way" etc. If a skater has a lesson where the coach changes the technique, but then doesn't apply the new technique on her own, for these or other reasons, or through sheer laziness or disdain, that's a failure of commitment to their own goals and desires.
Parents fail at this too, especially in the bill paying. There isn't a coach in America who doesn't have some parent who keeps promising to pay "next week." You don't want to punish the kid by refusing the lesson; after all it's not the kid's fault. But parents not committing to the expense, whatever they agree to, are passing on a bad lesson to their kids, and are risking losing face with the kids when the coach finally has to say "no." (This goes for paying for ice time, too. Please stop sneaking onto the ice without paying. We take attendance, and you will receive a bill.) What parents also forget about canceling lessons is the direct effect that has on the coach's well being, inasmuch as that's her income. If you are constantly canceling lessons, bills are not getting paid. This is not going to make the coach feel like she needs to commit to you either.
I don't exempt coach's behavior here either. Too many coaches blow off classes, especially at the lower levels, or don't give the weaker kids the same attention they give the gifted ones.. If you take a staff coaching job, and the skating director puts you on a class, you need to be there. If you don't want to commit to whatever class you're assigned to and to all of the students in the class, don't take the job.
Most coaches will accept the skater's (or the parent's) goal. So if what you are really willing to commit to is only maintenance, for instance, be honest about it. If you know you can't attend practice, or that you'll miss a lot of lessons, just say so. A lesson plan can be structured around a more erratic, irregular schedule. But if you tell the coach that your goal is to compete, or to get a top role in the ice show, or to achieve a certain skill, you have to commit to the work it will take to get there.
Dec 20, 2009
If the rules aren't convenient, do I have to follow them?
There's a debate going on at the rink right now about whether it's okay to lose a customer to the rules.
The specific rules in question this week were the ones that say "you must be 6 to take the regular track classes" (as opposed to the classes for 3-5 year olds) and "you cannot sign up for a level until you have passed the last one."
Here are the excuses I heard from parents this week for children placed in the wrong level:
"That other class had no children in it, so they canceled it." (Lie. They don't cancel an empty class until three weeks into the session.)
"I can't make any other time." (Possible lie, possible insane person. We have 3 to 6 class choices at every level at our rink. Maybe if you can't make any other time you might want to think about whether your child is doing too many things?)
"It's so important to him to keep up with his brother so I thought they should take class together." (Officially delusional. Child is 4, brother is 8. He is not going to "keep up" and the older one is tired of having him tag around at everything he does, trust me on this.)
"She was the fastest one in the class, so I moved her up." (Yes, but can she do the skills at that level? This is like saying "well, my kindergartener can already write her name, so I put her in second grade.)
"She will only skate with [name of coach]" (This is a problem if [coach] is teaching Beta/Basic5 and child is only in PreAlpha 2/Basic 2)
"She already passed [level]. (In 2006. And hasn't skated since.)
Anyway, if you were one of the 12 people following me on Twitter (lol), you may have seen my first day tweet. In nine out of ten of these the parent gets their way and the coach just has to find a way to make it work.
So when is it okay to stick with the rules? I did shift a couple of kids into different levels, and lost a couple of battles (or rather, kicked one upstairs-- told the mom to make an appointment to have the child evaluated by the skating director). My guess is that child is going to end up in the higher class, unhappy, and won't be skating in the next session.
The mother of the two boys wore me down. The four-year-old will be skating in the class that is too fast and structured for him. Even money says the mother is back in 3 weeks complaining that he's not getting enough attention. We'll lose him as well.
And this is my point. The rules are there for a reason. A child placed in the wrong level will not have a good experience. We're going to lose that business anyway. In any endeavor, you want to structure it so the participant feels successful on the first day. If you are going to break the rules, we really can't stop you; at the base of it, the rink needs your business. But understand what you are doing, and don't blame us when it all goes south.
The specific rules in question this week were the ones that say "you must be 6 to take the regular track classes" (as opposed to the classes for 3-5 year olds) and "you cannot sign up for a level until you have passed the last one."
Here are the excuses I heard from parents this week for children placed in the wrong level:
"That other class had no children in it, so they canceled it." (Lie. They don't cancel an empty class until three weeks into the session.)
"I can't make any other time." (Possible lie, possible insane person. We have 3 to 6 class choices at every level at our rink. Maybe if you can't make any other time you might want to think about whether your child is doing too many things?)
"It's so important to him to keep up with his brother so I thought they should take class together." (Officially delusional. Child is 4, brother is 8. He is not going to "keep up" and the older one is tired of having him tag around at everything he does, trust me on this.)
"She was the fastest one in the class, so I moved her up." (Yes, but can she do the skills at that level? This is like saying "well, my kindergartener can already write her name, so I put her in second grade.)
"She will only skate with [name of coach]" (This is a problem if [coach] is teaching Beta/Basic5 and child is only in PreAlpha 2/Basic 2)
"She already passed [level]. (In 2006. And hasn't skated since.)
Anyway, if you were one of the 12 people following me on Twitter (lol), you may have seen my first day tweet. In nine out of ten of these the parent gets their way and the coach just has to find a way to make it work.
So when is it okay to stick with the rules? I did shift a couple of kids into different levels, and lost a couple of battles (or rather, kicked one upstairs-- told the mom to make an appointment to have the child evaluated by the skating director). My guess is that child is going to end up in the higher class, unhappy, and won't be skating in the next session.
The mother of the two boys wore me down. The four-year-old will be skating in the class that is too fast and structured for him. Even money says the mother is back in 3 weeks complaining that he's not getting enough attention. We'll lose him as well.
And this is my point. The rules are there for a reason. A child placed in the wrong level will not have a good experience. We're going to lose that business anyway. In any endeavor, you want to structure it so the participant feels successful on the first day. If you are going to break the rules, we really can't stop you; at the base of it, the rink needs your business. But understand what you are doing, and don't blame us when it all goes south.
Dec 14, 2009
Volunteers
Email. I am sold on email.
I manage the backstage volunteer effort at my rink for the ice shows. We do two ice shows a year, including an all-out Nutcracker on Ice with a couple of hundred skaters in 15 groups, and 85 soloists/duets/trios (sharing parts). The coaches manage and direct the show, but all the off-ice traffic, kid wrangling, security and costumes are handled by parent volunteers.
We had 70 people working these areas over the four days of the run, and they were the best volunteer crew I ever had. And I owe it all to email.
I've written before about the importance of communication; the more pertinent information you share, the better your experience will be. Better information means less drama because people get uncomfortable when they don't know what's going on. Because all the coaches now have park district email accounts, I was able to send emails first to every parent in the show asking for volunteers, and then to communicate easily with those who signed up. Everyone got pre-show emails to make sure they knew where they were supposed to be, when they were supposed to be there, and what they were supposed to do once there.
First, every parent knew that there were volunteers in charge, because they had all gotten an email asking for help. Even though most chose not to volunteer, everyone had gotten a direct communication dedicated to the subject, rather than just a passive "sign up" request with the show packet. The most critical question that every ice show parent has when they see the chaos that is 220 children backstage, is "who is watching my child." Because of the good communication effort this time, everyone knew that there was someone watching.
Second, the volunteers knew what they would find, and what they should do before they ever walked through the door. To the uninitiated, an ice rink can tend to seem like a mysterious society with arcane rules and impenetrable power structures (it certainly seems that way to me, and I've been living in one since 1992). Open communication bares the mystery: what does a volunteer do? I was able to let them know upfront that they really didn't need to know anything about skating-- that's our job. They were there to watch the kids, something they all know how to do.
Any public enterprise--be it a business, a school, a place of worship, or an ice rink--has proprietary information. There are things management knows that staff does not need to know, and there are things that staff needs to know that customers don't need to know. But it's important to make that distinction, and to let people know what they need to know. It's also important not to assume that people know more than they do, and to identify information that will increase both their buy-in and their comfort level. If you want to have any sort of control over your program, don't control the information by withholding it-- people will just make up shit if you do that (pardon me, it was really the best way to put it). Control the information by sharing it.
And just in case I haven't said it enough: thank you volunteers. You made my job easy.
Another great article on volunteers over at IceMom!
I manage the backstage volunteer effort at my rink for the ice shows. We do two ice shows a year, including an all-out Nutcracker on Ice with a couple of hundred skaters in 15 groups, and 85 soloists/duets/trios (sharing parts). The coaches manage and direct the show, but all the off-ice traffic, kid wrangling, security and costumes are handled by parent volunteers.
We had 70 people working these areas over the four days of the run, and they were the best volunteer crew I ever had. And I owe it all to email.
I've written before about the importance of communication; the more pertinent information you share, the better your experience will be. Better information means less drama because people get uncomfortable when they don't know what's going on. Because all the coaches now have park district email accounts, I was able to send emails first to every parent in the show asking for volunteers, and then to communicate easily with those who signed up. Everyone got pre-show emails to make sure they knew where they were supposed to be, when they were supposed to be there, and what they were supposed to do once there.
First, every parent knew that there were volunteers in charge, because they had all gotten an email asking for help. Even though most chose not to volunteer, everyone had gotten a direct communication dedicated to the subject, rather than just a passive "sign up" request with the show packet. The most critical question that every ice show parent has when they see the chaos that is 220 children backstage, is "who is watching my child." Because of the good communication effort this time, everyone knew that there was someone watching.
Second, the volunteers knew what they would find, and what they should do before they ever walked through the door. To the uninitiated, an ice rink can tend to seem like a mysterious society with arcane rules and impenetrable power structures (it certainly seems that way to me, and I've been living in one since 1992). Open communication bares the mystery: what does a volunteer do? I was able to let them know upfront that they really didn't need to know anything about skating-- that's our job. They were there to watch the kids, something they all know how to do.
Any public enterprise--be it a business, a school, a place of worship, or an ice rink--has proprietary information. There are things management knows that staff does not need to know, and there are things that staff needs to know that customers don't need to know. But it's important to make that distinction, and to let people know what they need to know. It's also important not to assume that people know more than they do, and to identify information that will increase both their buy-in and their comfort level. If you want to have any sort of control over your program, don't control the information by withholding it-- people will just make up shit if you do that (pardon me, it was really the best way to put it). Control the information by sharing it.
And just in case I haven't said it enough: thank you volunteers. You made my job easy.
Another great article on volunteers over at IceMom!
Dec 12, 2009
Tears in the dressing room
Put thirty-nine teenage girls in two small dressing rooms and I will bet you even money that at least one of them will be in tears before the night is out. And that she will end up in mom's arms sobbing that someone is just a b*tch, or that the girls are so mean. I know this because I've been that mom.
But here's the hard truth, mom. You cannot do anything about this, and neither can anyone else. I know this because I've also been the coach that the mom comes to, asking me to intervene. To make the girls include everyone, to find her daughter friends.
A rink or a club or a school can make all the inclusivity rules they want (my kid's grade school had the rule "if you invite half the class, you have to invite the whole class" for instance, although the high school kids were on their own), but they cannot actually make the other kids talk to your child, and they cannot control what the kids arrange on their own time outside the purview of the program.
But there is something you can do. You can encourage your daughter (I don't know if this happens with boys-- anyone?) to stand up for herself. Shy children are sometimes perceived as stuck up or even mean. They need to reach inside themselves and find a way to be included that doesn't violate their own sense of self. If your daughter has been left out of Secret Santa, she needs to go to the most popular girl in the room and for heaven's sake just tell her "I feel so bad I didn't know you were doing this, and I did not get a present for anyone. Is there someone who got left out?"
Because contrary to the popular culture trope of "mean girls," the thing about the popular girls is they want everyone to love them, including the geeks, the unattractive, the shy and the stuck up ones. Popular girls are equality opportunity goddesses. Appear to worship her, acknowledge her primacy, and she's yours. If they think they've left someone out of their magic circle, they'll do what they can to include them, for the adoration alone.
But mom, you cannot do this. Your daughter has to do it. You can tell her what to do, but she has to take that step. You can't fix this. I can't fix this. Your daughter isn't 6 anymore.
The good news is, she won't be 14 forever either.
*(If your daughter has actually been mean and has been left out for that reason, or because you have antagonized everyone yourself, the two of you need to face up to that and change your behavior. Just saying.)
But here's the hard truth, mom. You cannot do anything about this, and neither can anyone else. I know this because I've also been the coach that the mom comes to, asking me to intervene. To make the girls include everyone, to find her daughter friends.
A rink or a club or a school can make all the inclusivity rules they want (my kid's grade school had the rule "if you invite half the class, you have to invite the whole class" for instance, although the high school kids were on their own), but they cannot actually make the other kids talk to your child, and they cannot control what the kids arrange on their own time outside the purview of the program.
But there is something you can do. You can encourage your daughter (I don't know if this happens with boys-- anyone?) to stand up for herself. Shy children are sometimes perceived as stuck up or even mean. They need to reach inside themselves and find a way to be included that doesn't violate their own sense of self. If your daughter has been left out of Secret Santa, she needs to go to the most popular girl in the room and for heaven's sake just tell her "I feel so bad I didn't know you were doing this, and I did not get a present for anyone. Is there someone who got left out?"
Because contrary to the popular culture trope of "mean girls," the thing about the popular girls is they want everyone to love them, including the geeks, the unattractive, the shy and the stuck up ones. Popular girls are equality opportunity goddesses. Appear to worship her, acknowledge her primacy, and she's yours. If they think they've left someone out of their magic circle, they'll do what they can to include them, for the adoration alone.
But mom, you cannot do this. Your daughter has to do it. You can tell her what to do, but she has to take that step. You can't fix this. I can't fix this. Your daughter isn't 6 anymore.
The good news is, she won't be 14 forever either.
*(If your daughter has actually been mean and has been left out for that reason, or because you have antagonized everyone yourself, the two of you need to face up to that and change your behavior. Just saying.)
Dec 9, 2009
When is it not gossip?
We all do it—talk about people behind their backs. Gossip is the grease on which ice rinks run. And we all know when we are gossiping. But can private discussion of third parties ever not be gossip?
According to Jewish teaching, gossiping is a sin that harms three- the subject, the teller and the listener. It is actually proscribed in Scripture, in fact in the Old Testament, so Christians take warning as well. And for the secular, well, any tradition written down for thousands of years is probably something to abide.
But we all talk about each other, it’s human nature (otherwise, why have a tradition against it?). The gossiping woman is a literary trope. I love to gossip, although I tell myself that I’m gathering information. (UPDATE: Or as one friend texted me, "it isn't gossip, it's truth.) As I’ve mentioned before, a lot of people come to me with questions and stories, often with the same central subject, from opposing points of view.
So when is it gossip? When is it harmful and when is it harmless?
The best description I found referenced a Jewish sage, who felt :”it doesn’t have to be a false or slanderous story; as long as the subject of the report would prefer not to have information known, it is gossip and not fit for further dissemination.” (cite)
So next time you’re passing on a story (next time I am passing on a story) ask yourself. Could I say this to the person I’m referring to? Could I say it to her mother? Would it be harmful or embarrassing to him personally or professionally? Could it harm or embarrass me if my words got around? Then it probably qualifies as gossip under the definition in Leviticus (19:16).
I’m not going to stamp out gossip. I don’t want to—it’s a useful source of information. But remember that the only private opinion is one that is not shared.
According to Jewish teaching, gossiping is a sin that harms three- the subject, the teller and the listener. It is actually proscribed in Scripture, in fact in the Old Testament, so Christians take warning as well. And for the secular, well, any tradition written down for thousands of years is probably something to abide.
But we all talk about each other, it’s human nature (otherwise, why have a tradition against it?). The gossiping woman is a literary trope. I love to gossip, although I tell myself that I’m gathering information. (UPDATE: Or as one friend texted me, "it isn't gossip, it's truth.) As I’ve mentioned before, a lot of people come to me with questions and stories, often with the same central subject, from opposing points of view.
So when is it gossip? When is it harmful and when is it harmless?
The best description I found referenced a Jewish sage, who felt :”it doesn’t have to be a false or slanderous story; as long as the subject of the report would prefer not to have information known, it is gossip and not fit for further dissemination.” (cite)
So next time you’re passing on a story (next time I am passing on a story) ask yourself. Could I say this to the person I’m referring to? Could I say it to her mother? Would it be harmful or embarrassing to him personally or professionally? Could it harm or embarrass me if my words got around? Then it probably qualifies as gossip under the definition in Leviticus (19:16).
I’m not going to stamp out gossip. I don’t want to—it’s a useful source of information. But remember that the only private opinion is one that is not shared.
Nov 27, 2009
Reinventing the wheel
When we first got into this sport in 1992, when my daughter was 3, it was very difficult to find information about how to be a competitive skater, and what you needed to know as a parent. There was no internet. If you hadn't grown up in the sport, you didn't know about things like ISI and (as it was called then) USFSA. Further, this was in the middle of the Tonya-Nancy drama, so figure skating seemed like a blood sport.
Other parents and coaches all seemed to have their own agenda. Far from what seems to have become a common problem--parents soliciting for the coaches--my experience was that the parents of the talented kids would put down my daughter, and discourage us from getting into it. (There were some nasty parents and kids at that rink when my daughter was growing up. When she was about 10, she told me that she didn't want to be a competitive skater, because the competitive kids were mean, and she didn't want to have to be mean. Out of the mouths of babes.)
As a neophyte parent, I thought that the "top" coaches had to come to you. Since no one ever approached us, I assumed my daughter wasn't as talented as I seemed to think. We finally started lessons with one of the young coaches who was more approachable. There was NO information available at the rink about how to sign up for private lessons. Years later one of those top coaches, whom I had found rather intimidating, told me that she would have loved to have taught my daughter. Well, for heaven's sake, I thought, why the hell didn't you say something at the time?
Skating parents seem condemned to reinvent the wheel, cycle after cycle. We get our information from unreliable sources (*cough* coaches *cough* skating parents *cough*). We're intimidated by the complexity (what the heck is "practice ice?" What's a "non-qualifying" competition? Why shouldn't I take classes with that coach?) As DD said, the competitive girls are mean, often with the blessings of their coach.
What's the solution? Be a gadfly-- if you don't understand something, ask. Don't be intimidated by jargon, or fear to seem ignorant. The web is an amazing resource, and one I wish I'd had. You might be lucky and start skating at a more forthcoming rink, but you might be like us and skate at a rink that is stingy with parent information. Don't talk to parents of just one coach, talk to many parents.
And remember that this sport is capable of supporting many goals and outcomes, not just high-level competitive singles skating. There's synchro, there's testing, there's rink ice shows and professional ice shows. Get tested through the Intermediate level, and now there's a college job that's a little more interesting than filing or slinging burgers (not to mention it pays better.) There's simple recreational skating, and even, gasp, hockey.
Look for information. Ask questions. Make your own choices. No need to reinvent the wheel (or blade as the case may be).
Other parents and coaches all seemed to have their own agenda. Far from what seems to have become a common problem--parents soliciting for the coaches--my experience was that the parents of the talented kids would put down my daughter, and discourage us from getting into it. (There were some nasty parents and kids at that rink when my daughter was growing up. When she was about 10, she told me that she didn't want to be a competitive skater, because the competitive kids were mean, and she didn't want to have to be mean. Out of the mouths of babes.)
As a neophyte parent, I thought that the "top" coaches had to come to you. Since no one ever approached us, I assumed my daughter wasn't as talented as I seemed to think. We finally started lessons with one of the young coaches who was more approachable. There was NO information available at the rink about how to sign up for private lessons. Years later one of those top coaches, whom I had found rather intimidating, told me that she would have loved to have taught my daughter. Well, for heaven's sake, I thought, why the hell didn't you say something at the time?
Skating parents seem condemned to reinvent the wheel, cycle after cycle. We get our information from unreliable sources (*cough* coaches *cough* skating parents *cough*). We're intimidated by the complexity (what the heck is "practice ice?" What's a "non-qualifying" competition? Why shouldn't I take classes with that coach?) As DD said, the competitive girls are mean, often with the blessings of their coach.
What's the solution? Be a gadfly-- if you don't understand something, ask. Don't be intimidated by jargon, or fear to seem ignorant. The web is an amazing resource, and one I wish I'd had. You might be lucky and start skating at a more forthcoming rink, but you might be like us and skate at a rink that is stingy with parent information. Don't talk to parents of just one coach, talk to many parents.
And remember that this sport is capable of supporting many goals and outcomes, not just high-level competitive singles skating. There's synchro, there's testing, there's rink ice shows and professional ice shows. Get tested through the Intermediate level, and now there's a college job that's a little more interesting than filing or slinging burgers (not to mention it pays better.) There's simple recreational skating, and even, gasp, hockey.
Look for information. Ask questions. Make your own choices. No need to reinvent the wheel (or blade as the case may be).
Nov 24, 2009
Coaches ethics
You knew this one would follow!
The idea of ethics for coaches seems more intuitive than ethics for parents. But I think in both instances it can be summed up in the famous Google phrase:
The idea of ethics for coaches seems more intuitive than ethics for parents. But I think in both instances it can be summed up in the famous Google phrase:
Don't be evil
Members of the Professional Skaters Association, which right now is every coach who takes students to qualifying US Figure Skating events, or who has students going through testing, must adhere to both a set of professional guidelines, and a code of ethics. These have to do primarily with obvious things like
Members of the Professional Skaters Association, which right now is every coach who takes students to qualifying US Figure Skating events, or who has students going through testing, must adhere to both a set of professional guidelines, and a code of ethics. These have to do primarily with obvious things like
- avoid criminal behavior
- if you think it's wrong it probably is
- leave the other guy's student alone
- don't teach beyond your expertise
Nov 22, 2009
Parent ethics
An odd concept, yes? Professional ethics for parents.
But in figure skating, it's tremendously important. While I believe that, as a youth sport, figure skating has tremendous potential for helping kids grow, as a "monetized" sport, it also has hideous potential for abuse.
I started thinking about this because of an incident this morning at an ice show rehearsal, for the tots and toddlers. One of the children, formerly quite enthusiastic, has been reluctant to the point of screaming tantrums to get on the ice for these sessions. This morning the mother, in front of me, threatened this 4 year-old with a spanking if he didn't skate. Please parents, don't make me your enabler.
So here's some ethics for figure skating parents.
Be positive. Whether at class, rehearsal, lesson or competition, put a smile on your face and praise the child's efforts and enjoyment. Skaters get enough criticism from their coaches.
Focus on your own area of expertise, not the coach's. The only thing it is acceptable to criticize your child about skating is their attitude. If they disrespect the ice (such as kicking it in frustration or taking up a spot on a practice session and then just hanging out by the boards), other skaters, or coaches, it's appropriate for a parent to put in their two cents. Do not ever criticize the child's skating, even if you are also a skater. That is not your job.
Never, ever, yell at a child in front of others, including in the types of situations above. Take it somewhere private. Who hasn't heard a child getting yelled at for placing low in a competition? It's painful to witness, and humiliating for the skater. (For one thing, placements at competition are never enitrely the skater's fault, even for a bad skate. You have very little control over competition outcomes. Also, not your job, see above.)
Follow rink and club rules, even when they are inconvenient for you. Know the rules! If you challenge a rule, and I by no means discourage this, accept the rink's or club's judgment. If you think a rule needs changing make an appointment with the rink manager or the club board and ask how you can help make the rule better for everyone, not just for you.
Do not solicit for your coach. This means don't sit in the stands telling parents of other skaters how much better your coach is, and keep private conversations on the subject circumspect as well. Believe it or not, this can get the coach in trouble, because it creates the appearance of soliciting, coaching's biggest no-no. Soliciting is seeking to acquire a student who already has a coach. Some unethical coaches try to get around this by encouraging, or not discouraging, parents trying to get skaters to switch.
Don't coach from the sidelines. Don't stand in the door during class or lesson. For heaven's sake, don't shout to your child during class or a lesson (I can't believe I have to say that). There's a wonderful photo that makes the rounds every now and then. It shows an old Soviet-era rink that had painted over its windows. Parents were required to drop the children at the door--they were not even allowed inside. The mothers had scratched little peep holes through the paint so they could peer in with one eye. We like to joke that that is the way to run an ice skating program!
Remember, especially at the learn-to-skate levels, that it is figure skating, not world peace. Even if you have realistic ambitions of high level competition, you have lots of time. A skater who gets through the basic levels (up to single jumps) by age 9 or 10 can reasonably expect to pass the Senior tests before getting out of high school.
The US Figure Skating site has some good guidelines for parents.
But in figure skating, it's tremendously important. While I believe that, as a youth sport, figure skating has tremendous potential for helping kids grow, as a "monetized" sport, it also has hideous potential for abuse.
I started thinking about this because of an incident this morning at an ice show rehearsal, for the tots and toddlers. One of the children, formerly quite enthusiastic, has been reluctant to the point of screaming tantrums to get on the ice for these sessions. This morning the mother, in front of me, threatened this 4 year-old with a spanking if he didn't skate. Please parents, don't make me your enabler.
So here's some ethics for figure skating parents.
Be positive. Whether at class, rehearsal, lesson or competition, put a smile on your face and praise the child's efforts and enjoyment. Skaters get enough criticism from their coaches.
Focus on your own area of expertise, not the coach's. The only thing it is acceptable to criticize your child about skating is their attitude. If they disrespect the ice (such as kicking it in frustration or taking up a spot on a practice session and then just hanging out by the boards), other skaters, or coaches, it's appropriate for a parent to put in their two cents. Do not ever criticize the child's skating, even if you are also a skater. That is not your job.
Never, ever, yell at a child in front of others, including in the types of situations above. Take it somewhere private. Who hasn't heard a child getting yelled at for placing low in a competition? It's painful to witness, and humiliating for the skater. (For one thing, placements at competition are never enitrely the skater's fault, even for a bad skate. You have very little control over competition outcomes. Also, not your job, see above.)
Follow rink and club rules, even when they are inconvenient for you. Know the rules! If you challenge a rule, and I by no means discourage this, accept the rink's or club's judgment. If you think a rule needs changing make an appointment with the rink manager or the club board and ask how you can help make the rule better for everyone, not just for you.
Do not solicit for your coach. This means don't sit in the stands telling parents of other skaters how much better your coach is, and keep private conversations on the subject circumspect as well. Believe it or not, this can get the coach in trouble, because it creates the appearance of soliciting, coaching's biggest no-no. Soliciting is seeking to acquire a student who already has a coach. Some unethical coaches try to get around this by encouraging, or not discouraging, parents trying to get skaters to switch.
Don't coach from the sidelines. Don't stand in the door during class or lesson. For heaven's sake, don't shout to your child during class or a lesson (I can't believe I have to say that). There's a wonderful photo that makes the rounds every now and then. It shows an old Soviet-era rink that had painted over its windows. Parents were required to drop the children at the door--they were not even allowed inside. The mothers had scratched little peep holes through the paint so they could peer in with one eye. We like to joke that that is the way to run an ice skating program!
Remember, especially at the learn-to-skate levels, that it is figure skating, not world peace. Even if you have realistic ambitions of high level competition, you have lots of time. A skater who gets through the basic levels (up to single jumps) by age 9 or 10 can reasonably expect to pass the Senior tests before getting out of high school.
The US Figure Skating site has some good guidelines for parents.
Oct 6, 2009
Honor the game
Adapted from an essay by The Positive Coaching Alliance
"I love skating, and I hope you do too. Skating has a long history and is one of the most popular sports in the world. A lot of great things happen on an ice rink. I feel that it is an honor to be involved in the sport. That's why I want to talk to you about Honoring the Game. We’ve all heard about what it means to be a "good sport." What does it mean to you to be a good sport? (Answers may include "play fair," "don't cheat" etc.) Sportsmanship is important, but in order to get the most out of this skating season, I want you to honor the game. The Positive Coaching Alliance has an expression: “Honoring the Game goes to the ROOTS of the matter.” Each letter in ROOTS stands for an important part of any sport that we must respect. The R stands for Rules. The first O is for Opponents. The next O is for Officials. T is for Teammates, and the S is for Self.
R is for Rules
Even though it’s not a team sport, there are rules for skating, or accepted modes of behavior and ways to use the ice. These rules are what allow us to keep our ice time fun, productive and rewarding. Respect for the rules is important, even when it's possible to break them without getting caught. I want you to play by the rules, even if you think you won't get caught if you break them. Breaking the rules dishonors the game, even if it means that we win.
O is for Opponents
Without opponents, we could have no competition. A good opponent makes us do our best. Sometimes your opponents are friends of yours. I want you to respect your opponents, and remember they are out there to have fun just like you. I want you to try your hardest to be best, not because you hate your opponent, but because you want to be your best. I promise that I will show respect for opposing coaches and skaters, and I expect you to do the same.
O is for Officials
It is very important to respect officials including coaches, judges, and all rink employees and volunteers. Often, this can be the most difficult part of Honoring the Game, so we need to remember to keep it as a focus when we play. Officials have been selected and trained to enforce rules and judge competitions, and they have a very hard job. Without the officials classes and competitions would be unsafe and unfair. Officials are not perfect (just like coaches, athletes and parents!) and sometimes make mistakes. However, there is no excuse for treating officials with disrespect when they make errors. I want you to show respect for officials, even when you disagree with the call. I promise to do the same thing.
T is for Teammates
It’s hard to think of the people you skate with as your team, but that’s what they are. Even though you aren’t on a traditional team like soccer or baseball, your classmates and fellow competitors from your rink are your team. I also like to think of all of my XanBoni skaters as being part of my team. Being with your teammates should be fun. Later in life you will often be part of a team, and it is important to learn to work together. I hope you feel a commitment to each other as teammates and that you will agree to always work as hard as you can in practice, competitions, shows and in class. Please encourage and support each other on and off the rink.
S is for Self
Some people only Honor the Game when their opponents do, but I want us to Honor the Game no matter what the other skaters, their parents, coaches or fans do. I want us to be the kind of team that Honors the Game even when others do not because we set our own personal standards. And we live up to them no matter what. We have respect for ourselves and would never do anything to dishonor the game.
So what do we mean when we say that Honoring the Game goes to the ROOTS of the matter? Respect for : Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates, and Self. If you do these five things, you are Honoring the Game. You and your teammates will get the most out of our season, and you will join the great tradition that is skating.
"I love skating, and I hope you do too. Skating has a long history and is one of the most popular sports in the world. A lot of great things happen on an ice rink. I feel that it is an honor to be involved in the sport. That's why I want to talk to you about Honoring the Game. We’ve all heard about what it means to be a "good sport." What does it mean to you to be a good sport? (Answers may include "play fair," "don't cheat" etc.) Sportsmanship is important, but in order to get the most out of this skating season, I want you to honor the game. The Positive Coaching Alliance has an expression: “Honoring the Game goes to the ROOTS of the matter.” Each letter in ROOTS stands for an important part of any sport that we must respect. The R stands for Rules. The first O is for Opponents. The next O is for Officials. T is for Teammates, and the S is for Self.
R is for Rules
Even though it’s not a team sport, there are rules for skating, or accepted modes of behavior and ways to use the ice. These rules are what allow us to keep our ice time fun, productive and rewarding. Respect for the rules is important, even when it's possible to break them without getting caught. I want you to play by the rules, even if you think you won't get caught if you break them. Breaking the rules dishonors the game, even if it means that we win.
O is for Opponents
Without opponents, we could have no competition. A good opponent makes us do our best. Sometimes your opponents are friends of yours. I want you to respect your opponents, and remember they are out there to have fun just like you. I want you to try your hardest to be best, not because you hate your opponent, but because you want to be your best. I promise that I will show respect for opposing coaches and skaters, and I expect you to do the same.
O is for Officials
It is very important to respect officials including coaches, judges, and all rink employees and volunteers. Often, this can be the most difficult part of Honoring the Game, so we need to remember to keep it as a focus when we play. Officials have been selected and trained to enforce rules and judge competitions, and they have a very hard job. Without the officials classes and competitions would be unsafe and unfair. Officials are not perfect (just like coaches, athletes and parents!) and sometimes make mistakes. However, there is no excuse for treating officials with disrespect when they make errors. I want you to show respect for officials, even when you disagree with the call. I promise to do the same thing.
T is for Teammates
It’s hard to think of the people you skate with as your team, but that’s what they are. Even though you aren’t on a traditional team like soccer or baseball, your classmates and fellow competitors from your rink are your team. I also like to think of all of my XanBoni skaters as being part of my team. Being with your teammates should be fun. Later in life you will often be part of a team, and it is important to learn to work together. I hope you feel a commitment to each other as teammates and that you will agree to always work as hard as you can in practice, competitions, shows and in class. Please encourage and support each other on and off the rink.
S is for Self
Some people only Honor the Game when their opponents do, but I want us to Honor the Game no matter what the other skaters, their parents, coaches or fans do. I want us to be the kind of team that Honors the Game even when others do not because we set our own personal standards. And we live up to them no matter what. We have respect for ourselves and would never do anything to dishonor the game.
So what do we mean when we say that Honoring the Game goes to the ROOTS of the matter? Respect for : Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates, and Self. If you do these five things, you are Honoring the Game. You and your teammates will get the most out of our season, and you will join the great tradition that is skating.
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