Will my coach blackball me?

This really happened

A lower-level skater just switched from ISI (where she was very successful) to USFS. She’s pretty young, and a bit of a social butterfly,  unfocused in practice, and prone to blow-ups. At her first USFS competition, she had a bad experience, complete with tantrum. The coach dumped them a week later via text, telling the mom she was a terrible parent in the process, and to forget about USFS, the kid should stick with recreational forever. The kid came through like a champ—acknowledged the inappropriateness of her reaction, and pledged to practice more effectively in the future. She wants to keep skating, but the mom is afraid the coach will “blackball” them and no one will want to take her on.

What happened. What to do.

This is what the kid is like. 
Deal with it. Literally.

You don’t get to coach the type of kid you want. You get to coach the kid in front of you. If a coach has a child who can’t focus, who won’t listen, who wants to chat either with the coach or with her friends, it is the coach’s job to give that kid a meaningful lesson that diminishes and does not reward these behaviors. If she keeps doing it, it’s not because she’s unteachable. It’s because the coach isn’t teaching her. And if the coach can’t teach her, he needs to tell the parents honestly that it might be a bad match, and help the parent find a different coach. (Hahahaha, I'm the only coach I know who has ever done this.)

But she’s kind of like this outside the rink, too. 
Kids have a personal style and some kids are not naturally focused. That said, if it's interfering with school and extracurricular stuff, you need to address it. I like using mindfulness exercises-  ask the child to tell me what he’s planning to do. Ask him to describe what he did after he’s done it (both positive and negative actions). Ask his permission to talk to him. You’ll be amazed at the response when you say “I have a suggestion, may I share it?”.

Parents with supposedly difficult kids should also try watching other kids to reassure themselves that theirs is not that different.

Switching from ISI to USFS 
It’s a very different culture, no question about it. But in neither is the emphasis on winning. The emphasis in USFS is performance, the emphasis in ISI is experience. Coaches need to prepare kids for the difference.

Why did she come in last?
Who knows.

Who cares.

The better question is, did she meet her personal goal for the skate, why or why not, and what can she do to correct this. If she didn’t have a goal (other than “win” which is not a good goal), then why not? (I’ll tell you why not–bad coaching).

Other good questions: did he skate as well as he usually does; did he have as much content as other kids in the flight; did he have any missed or illegal moves? And really, the coach should have talked to the skater about all the possibilities. The parent and the coach should encourage the skater to talk about expectations and goals-- the goal can NEVER be to win, the goal is "land every jump," "have a personal best," "watch 25 programs" etc. You reach for the things in your control at this level. Jason Brown can have a goal of “win the world championships.” Your kid just needs to land the double salchow in competition.

Parental nightmare: the public meltdown, or, kill me now. 
Don't engage, don't criticize. Just tell her "you're really upset" (i.e. acknowledge the validity of her feelings without approving of them) and then remove her from the location. I used to tell my kids "you're not allowed to have a tantrum here, it's against the rules, let's find some place without that rule." I would wait until later to talk about the correlation between practice and accomplishment. Kids aren't rational when they're melting down.

Fired via text, with an extra helping of I’m a terrible parent 
So much wrong with this. First, for a coach drop a kid via text, or worse, by simply not coming to lessons (this happens) is beyond unprofessional. For a coach to blame your parenting (or even bring it up) also beyond the pale.  Complain to the skating director.

Should she stick with USFS. 
She should stick with the goal she has set. If it’s compete in USFS then yes. But a bad experience with a coach can really damage a child, especially if she’s been told or it’s been implied that it’s her fault. But if you don’t have a coach you can’t do competitions.  After a bad experience, I’d leave it be while looking for a new coach. You might have someone in mind, or you might try doing only classes, no privates, for one session of classes at your rink-- still have her practice, but switch her lessons to class-only. And take whatever classes are offered in your area, as many as 3-4 a week with different coaches. What you're looking for is a coach that your child really connects with. That's your new private coach. Don't worry about the coach's "credentials" for now. Young kids need a coach with a heart, not one with a resume.

Can I be the coach? 
No.

But you can help her learn how to work effectively on her own and in class.

Practice on her own should be set up with goals that she decides on herself. Every practice has a goal, even small silly ones "only talk to friends once while I'm on the ice" (make sure she has a funny thing to say to her friends so that they don't get mad at her, or make them a part of the pact); "only get off the ice twice," “Do every skill I know at least once”, “make up a sequence that uses every jump I know”; “try something new”. You get the idea. With my kids who have trouble focusing, I tell them one thing-- you have to stay on the ice and keep moving for 20 minutes. I don't care what they do with that time. They can skate in circles for all I care, the problem is not the skills, it's the attitude, so the thing to fix is the attitude.

One of the mindfulness exercises that I like is to announce your intentions or ask for help, i.e. at the beginning of class, have the skater tell the instructor "I'm hoping to pay really close attention today, can you help me with that" or make a skill-based request, “I want to land my loop today”. You get the idea. Again, she needs to lead this--if you set the goal or announce it for her, it's not going to be as effective.

And by the way don't talk about the practice or the competition on the way home in the car, unless the kid brings it up. Ask any former skater: this will be #1 on their list of things they hated the most.

The coach is going to blackball us. 
If he tries, again, it’s very unprofessional. And anyway, coaches need income, they're not going to care what this guy says. Blackballing is a myth at the lower levels. Further, coaches also have reputations. It's extremely likely that he's done it to others, too, and believe me every coach in the district knows it. Finally, gossiping, much less vilifying, students is in direct violation of PSA ethics so if something like this gets back to you, complain to your skating director and/or the PSA. 

At any rate, I'm not saying coaches don't talk about their students, but it's very rare to hear coaches really dumping on a kid.

It’s not about the Olympics 
At least, not yet. Right now it’s about using skating to give kids good experiences. Any coach who uses a bad experience, or a bad reaction to it, as an excuse to place blame is not a coach you want. Good riddance.

Do you have a horror story about a coach dumping you? What did you do?

Just not getting there

There comes a point in the lives of young athletes where, after another year of investment in time, work and cash money, the child just doesn't seem to be fulfilling whatever potential people keep saying they see in her.

It's hardest for skaters, where the dream of the big time is a realistic one. Unlike, say, basketball players, where getting to the NBA is vanishingly rare, in skating, recognizable achievement on a national level happens to skaters at every single rink. Everyone who stays in skating knows national competitors. It's a small field and yes, your talented kid has a legitimate shot.

Parents of talented skaters often get to that place where they wonder if they're being strung along. A skater who trains and trains but never makes it out of final round...well, it's an awfully expensive hobby for a 14 year old.

So how do you know when you're just not going to get there, or, even more to the point, where "there" even is?

"She's a nice skater, but be reasonable." 
Don't you just wish someone would say this sometimes? But if your skater is just a nice-skater-but-be-reasonable the coach is not going to suggest s/he go to Regionals year after year. This is because bringing an unprepared or unqualified skater to Regionals reflects on the coach as much as on the skater. Just as you are there to get your skater a prize, the coach is there to show how good her skaters are. So, in fact, if your skater is not a potentially national-level skater, the coach is going to say this.

Waiting for the breakthrough
Every kid will have one. For some of them, it's the double axel. For others it's "whoah I hate competing! How about if I test out!"  If you're waiting for a breatkthrough, make sure you recognize it when it comes.

Step it back
Three or four competitions a year is plenty for a child at the Regionals or even Sectionals level. One maybe two serious Club competitions, Regionals and/or Sectionals,  one or two no-name local comps to try out the choreo or the new jump. If your coach is taking your also-ran to more competitions than this, you're competing too much. Remember that training for competition takes time away from solidifying the skills. Counterintuitively, you're not going to get better at competition, if all you ever train for is competing. Some of the training has to be open ended just to work on skills.

Who can advise me?

Many clubs arrange for judges to critique their kids just before competitions, but your coach can also arrange one-on-ones just for her kids, or just for one kid-- your kid. Tell the coach you really want to hear the low-down from a judge in a non-stress situation, from someone with nothing invested in the child, either financially or emotionally. Remember that both coach and parent are emotionally and financially invested in the child. It's important to be clear that you have no problem with this, but feel an objective assessment would help everyone.

Caveat-- do not set up a judge critique on your own. This is a Skating Parent Cardinal Sin. You can initiate the process by asking the coach to set it up. You May Not Contact The Judge Yourself. (I mean it.)

What does the skater want to do?

Sometimes you have to let kids make bad choices. If the skater balks at competing, and her training attitude reflects that, then stop competing. Maybe she'll come back to it, maybe she'll move on, maybe she'll really regret it at 25.  But in the end, it's just skating. If she quits, life goes on.

And sometimes, they make amazing, mature choices and turn themselves around.

How have you or your skater handled this conundrum? Let's hear from some older skaters at Novice or above who had to make such a choice.

Taking it for granted

We're going to start this post from the premise that middle school girls, even the good ones (and they're all good ones) are little shits who believe that the world was invented specifically to honor their wonderfulness, and that good things, like figure skating lessons, are actually the universe trying to keep them from enjoying themselves.

That said, high level figure skating is a lot to ask of a 12 year old.

Under the eagle eye of the gossip brigade in the stands, your 12 year old (or 9 year old, or 16 year old) is, mostly, working. She knows she'll catch hell on the ride home if she spends too much time at the boards when you're watching.

A lot of parents feel like they have to be in the stands every minute, and fear that if they aren't there, the kids will just fool around.  And I'll say this again-- if your child legitimately wants to achieve her skating goal, be it making it to Nationals, getting a solo in the ice show, or passing tests, fooling around will be a self-limiting strategy.

The thing to watch for is not whether she's using her practice time effectively, or paying attention in lessons, or even if she's falling short of the goals. The thing to watch for is how she reacts when she falls short of the goal, especially if the reason is that she hasn't been working hard. If your skater goofs off and then blames everyone around her when she fails, she's not all that committed to skating, and may in fact be taking it a little bit for granted. If she goofs off and then doesn't care when she fails, you may want to rethink how much you're spending on skating.

If she works hard and fails, even if she doesn't take it well, you can be pretty sure she's not taking it for granted.

In a way, we all take it for granted. Kids, for one, never understand how lucky they are. I hated school until I had to work full time and realized how unbelievably awesome it is be able to spend all day learning and hanging out with peers. I have to remind myself regularly what an incredible gift it is to have the amazing job of teaching figure skating.

I think you have to remember that if you've chosen skating for your child (with the child's help of course), it's not really any different than anything that you feel your child is taking for granted-- the pile of presents at the winter holidays, regular meals, indulgent parents, enough money for treats.

Don't you take it for granted either. Your kid can land an axel, or will. Do you know how hard that is?

Unmotivated elite skaters, part 1: Why?

A few months ago, we talked about how to motivate recreational skaters.  But how do you motivate an unmotivated competitive skater, especially when you know s/he doesn't really want to quit?

This is especially critical at this time of year, when 1,500 elite-level singles skaters start competing for just 360 spots at Sectionals, and only about 130 spots at Nationals/Junior Nationals.

That's 1370 mighty disappointed kids.

Of course, most of those kids understand that they really don't have a realistic chance even at final round at Regionals, let alone making it to Nationals. But even if you just count those with "a shot," say the top 30-35%, that's still a few hundred really sad kids who didn't land the double axel when it counted. And face it, sometimes kids (and coaches) are delusional, and even a predictable loss comes as a shock and a giant demotivator.

If there isn't an obvious issue like disappointment over competition results, you need to look a little deeper.

The first thing to do is identify why a formerly enthusiastic and currently ambitious skater stops working. Is there an injury that they haven't fessed up about? Are there social problems at the rink or school, or personality (or more ominous) issues with the coach? Are there family issues that you as the parent don't realize your skater is concerned about, including money, stability, etc.

Coaching issues are a little harder. First, tell the coach about difficulties you're having getting your skater to the rink. It's possible that she's giving you grief, but then is fine once she's at the rink. The proper solution to this is the patented parental eye roll when she starts up.

If that's not it, then drop in at lessons and practices unannounced (because you are totally not hanging out watching every single practice and lesson for your high level skater, right? RIGHT?) and observe the coaching and on-ice dynamics. Does your skater appear distracted?  Is she using her practice time poorly (i.e. hanging out at the boards, getting on and off the ice, poorly organized approach)? Does she appear isolated from other skaters? Do skaters seem to be interfering with her practice patterns, beyond the general chaos that is a freestyle session? Is her coach focused on her (and she on the coach?) Observe in as non-judgmental a way as possible, and then ask neutral questions about what you think you're seeing.

All well and good to figure out why your skater is unmotivated. What do you do about it? Tomorrow, we'll explore some of the things you can do to help your skater overcome her loss of skating mojo.

How did your skater show a loss of motivation?

Too much fun

From a reader:

My skater's coach wants her to spend more time practicing and less time socializing with her friends at the rink.  I've asked her coach to give me a set amount of time she should be practicing but he keeps it vague and says things like "a balance between work and play" "keep skating fun and progress" but then also thinks she shouldn't be able to stay and socialize if she hasn't done enough practicing.  I told my daughter that if her coach didn't think shed been practicing enough she wouldn't be able to stay for social time. She told me I was "ruining it for her". Any advice?

I tell a story about my daughter at practice ice one day. She and a couple of friends were having a spinning contest-- longest spin, most features, most creative, prettiest--and having a really good time doing it. A coach called her over to yell at for for "having too much fun. Skating is serious and if you're not taking it seriously you should leave." Being my daughter, she told him to take a flying leap.

Even elite skaters love skating. They do it because it's fun to skate, it's fun to be the best, it's fun to win. They wouldn't be doing it if it was a horrible slog that made them constantly miserable, with no social or emotional rewards. Work is important, and work ethic is important. But reward is important too.

Why are you at the rink?
Well, to skate, but there are lots of other reasons too. To avoid starting homework. To avoid being at home. To see your friends. However, I'm with that coach on this one. The reason you are at the rink is to skate. So that's the first priority, and blowing off skating is a reason to withhold the reward, in this case socializing. But it doesn't have to be punitive. More of an if-then proposition. If you goof off in class, or hang at the boards instead of practicing, then we go home straight after practice and no socializing today.

But your RUining it
(Imagine that 9-year-old whine). Tough love, baby. Mom's not ruining it. Skater is ruining it by not taking the skating seriously, so that she earns the downtime afterwards.

Social Pressure
Many skaters blame social pressure on the relentless socializing, clique-forming, and hanging-instead-of-working at the rink, so that girls also feel pressure NOT to work. Skaters who insist on taking the skating seriously at a recreational rink can develop a reputation for being snobbish or unfriendly. They feel pressure to not seem to above themselves by working too hard. Some coaches are really good at making the work part of the socializing, but if you've got a coach with a smaller program, or a different philosophy, they work needs to be rewarding. If you've got a skater whom you want to work, make sure the rewards are clear and immediate. Don't yank her out of the rink the second she's done, don't monopolize her time while you're there. Let her have her social time.

You are not the coach
The hardest part of getting the skater onto the rink is that the coach is out there, and the kid is hanging in the lobby wasting time. Coach is most likely not going to get off the rink to track down your skater. But you can also not assume the role of the coach. So be the parent. If your skater is dillydallying, rather than continually demanding they get on the ice (coach's role), just pick up their stuff, and say, hey if you're not going to skate, let's go home. Remember--the socializing is the reward for the skating.

Make the skating social
Goofing off or socializing during class or lesson of course is verboten, and earns the removal of the reward. Practice is another thing. While skaters do need to focus on their own skating during practice, you and the coach can probably come up with a system that allows the skating and the socializing to blend sometimes. Maybe one practice session a week is on my daughter's model--the girls were working (on spins) but had come up with a way to make this fun and social. That other coach was first, a putz, and second unprofessional (because he wasn't their coach, and they weren't interfering with anyone's ability to skate). So choose a session a week, and let the girls direct their own practice; no coach or parent interference. The only proscription is no hanging on the boards to talk.

Off-ice
Like the last suggestion, this one requires some cross-parental and -coach coordination. See if the culprits can do an off-ice or conditioning class together. This adds work+socializing as well.

Class
Yes, take class. A lot of higher level skaters stop taking classes because they think they're too good, or the coach is a snob about it, but class is another place where there are many more opportunities to both work and hang out. Higher level skaters don't need to be taking skills-based classes, so look for specialty classes like Jump Workshop, Moves, Ice Dance, Choreography, or whatever your rink offers.

What have you or your skater done to keep the fun in figure skating? How do you balance work and socializing?

Talking to yourself

Self talk--by which I mean tin-foil hat, pretend there's someone at the other end of the cell phone, outloud crazy person talking to yourself while you're practicing--is one of the most effective practice tools at your disposal, and if you don't mind the weird looks, it's free.

One thing at a time
Just as the trick to coaching is often finding the root problem, you need to find out what is that you want to remind yourself to do. Let's take beginning three turns-- there's a lot going on in a really short amount of time, so you can't say, at the start "okay I'm going to push and then up there at the top of the arc (wait, how will I know where that is?) I'm going to rotate and then when I'm backwards I'll check, and I know my arms belong somewhere and if they're wrong then the turn is a spin? or I'll fall? something? and then I'll glide."  Class is over by the time you get all the way through this. Think about the skill-- push, glide, rotate, check, glide. You have plenty of time to say, and do, each of these things in order.

Complex skills
Of course, if you're running a program, or jumping axels, or doing combination spins, you cannot possibly pick out each thing you need to think about. So you need to focus on one or two key items-- do you rush your jumps? Then your self-talk word might be "wait." Do you bobble the landing? Say "strong." This is where you need a pair of outside eyes to spot the point at which you need to talk to yourself. If you watch certain skaters you can actually see them talking to themselves.

KISS
Keep it Simple, Stupid works brilliantly here. Say one thing, say that same thing every time you are in the same situation. Your self-talk won't help you if what you end up saying is "what was I supposed to be telling myself here?"

Stay positive
Self talk can also be self-destructive. If you tell yourself, "crap I always fall on the double sal" then you will always fall on the double sal. Self talk helps you set up expectations-- it can be specific instructions related to the skill but it can also be a pep talk. What it can't be is a recitation of mistakes or fears.

Say it
Eventually, you'll train yourself to do the self-talk to yourself. But when you're teaching yourself this skill, do it out loud. You'll look a little weird, but on the other hand, if everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing, no one will be paying attention to you. By saying it aloud you can keep it confined--your thoughts are much more likely to wander than a verbal command.

Have you used self-talk? Does your or your skater's coach teach this technique?

A Junior Coaching curriculum

I know that there are programs that get the coaches' education thing right.

But in many programs, junior coaches are just left on their own: no education requirements (even though there are lots of opportunities from ISI, PSA, and USFS). No mentoring. Sometimes they're put on classes by themselves. Sometimes their own coaches use them as subs-- how would you like to pay for the highly credentialed freestyle coach and end up with the inexperienced junior instead? Happens all the time.

Coaches that I have spoken about this with almost universally tell me (sometimes rather patronizingly) that "kids learn how to coach from taking lessons". So, I've been to second grade, I guess that means I'm qualified to teach second grade? And that's how old some of these kids were when they learned these skills "in lessons".  I remember when my daughter started teaching and came home one day asking, how in the world do you teach a swizzle? Because she had learned it when she was 3--for her, it was like trying to explain to someone how to breathe.

I can't think of another profession where you jump from student to pro with no training in between.

The Professional Skaters Association is working on the problem through programs like Excellence on Ice, where rinks get benefits if the entire staff are PSA members, through the Entry Level Coaching Course and Apprentice Program, and through a comprehensive national education program. But until rinks insist on teaching credentials and not just skating credentials, you might not even know if you've got the pro or the junior.

Several years ago, at the request of my Skating Director, who knew I was interested in this issue, I created a Junior Coaching course. Being able to implement this is one of the reasons I've always wanted that  Master Group credential from the PSA-- so that I could work with young coaches on this. Sadly I never got to implement it, as that SD left and the new one was not interested in training her junior coaches.

But I have continued to tweak the program in hopes that someday, someone will implement it. The basic outline of the course is as follows:

Participants must:

• Have passed at a minimum the in-class ISI FS 4 or USFS FreeSkate 4 test.
• Be at least 14 years of age.
• Have a signed parental waiver.
• Have a recommendation from a coach.
• Arrange an on-staff “mentor” among the professional coaching staff.
• Be an individual member of the Ice Skating Institute or USFS Basic Skills, and join the Professional Skaters Association at the appropriate level.
• Attend an Orientation Session.
• Be available for  a minimum of 4 hours up to a maximum of 10 hours per week, including at least one peak class session.
• Be available for each entire session.
• Attend at least one ISI, USFS, or PSA training seminar every 6 months.
• Participate in ice show rehearsals for Tot and Pre Alpha levels in any capacity deemed necessary by the Pro in charge.
• Work at the annual competition, including trial judging.
• Clock 10 hours (about 1 session) of supervised coaching at a given level before handling a class at that level on his/her own as a Junior Coach.

I suggested that all Junior Coaches start in Tot and Pre-Alpha classes where the need for additional staff on the ice is the most critical.  Based on hours clocked and mentor recommendations, Junior Coaches could then be assigned to higher level classes Alpha through Pre-Freestyle as they progress.  I also suggested that the mentoring relationship be a real one, with the Junior coach observing their mentor teaching higher level classes, and taking one-on-one lessons in teaching techniques.

Junior coaches would receive Community Service credit hours, discounts for rink programs, and priority in hiring over other similarily-qualified applicants, once they had audited or taught in at least 4 different levels, and had booked 100 hours in any combination of assigned classes or events, private lessons in instruction technique, audited classes, seminars, ISI or USFSA tests taken.

Sadly, I know of only one rink that has anything approaching this comprehensive a junior coaching program, and rumor has it that this much-vaunted program is more honored in the breach than in actual reality.

Does your rink have a comprehensive junior coaching program? 

My skating goals for 2012

I won't call them "resolutions" although I suppose that's what they are, but here's what I want to do this year. The first one never made it onto the list, because it happened already. I'll be working as the main on-ice coach for North Suburban Special Recreation, in their "SPICE" program (Special People's ICe skating Experience). I'm very excited about this opportunity--it's tailor-made for my skills and interests. Here's what else is (with hope) happening in 2012:

Launch the upgraded site on WordPress
Target date January 15, but it depends on my designer, whose computer blew up about a month ago; she just got back up and running this week. They two sites will exist side-by-side for about a month, and then we'll switch over to WordPress entirely.

Register Xanboni as a USFS Basic Skills program
I'm not part of a skating school anymore but I'd still like to give my students, most of whom also don't skate within an established program, all the bells and whistles, and most importantly the stickers offered by this program, as well being able to do the tests for them. (And yes, regular readers will know that I like ISI better, but they won't let me register unless I'm an entire facility. And while my hips are wider than I'd like, I'm not quite that big yet.)

Keep Xanboni Homeschoolers going
My home school program filled right up, and I've got nearly everyone re-upped for the first session of 2012. I had two classes for the first endeavor; my hope for this is to fill 4 classes. I also need a summer home, as our current rink closes at the end of May.

Start Xanboni Adults
If you've ever sent me an email, and you're in Chicago, watch your in-box for a survey about the best way to do this. Either daytime at an indoor rink or Sunday afternoon outside!

Skate
I've signed up to take a class with my old friend Liz. It's been four years and 2 broken bones since I last really skated, so this should be, um, interesting.

I've cheated a little bit, because all of these things are in progress.  Thanks for a GREAT 2nd year of Xanboni.

Let me know what you're doing in 2012, and keep those post ideas coming!

Adults and training intensity

I started skating seriously at the age of 37, although I had gone through what I think was probably the equivalent of Freestyle 2+/3 in college (this was before ISI had codified the levels, that is how old I am).  Then I didn't skate for 17 years.

When I started skating again, I didn't "train;" I skated a few times a week, and took a couple of classes. It wasn't until I decided to do USFS tests that I really started thinking about it as "training."

So what exactly is "training" and how does it differ from simple improvement?  How does it affect goals, and how does it affect that broken-down, over-scheduled, overweight body that you seem to have suddenly been saddled with?

Training vs. recreational skating
For adults, really, all skating is recreational. Like other hobbies, you can invest a nearly professional level of commitment to it, or you can do it for fun or as a social activity.

The biggest difference between a skater in training and one there just for fun is that the people in training usually have a goal, and it's often time-specific, like a test, show solo, or competition.

I like to define training as

a specific schedule of directed, dedicated activities designed to lead to a time- and/or skill-specific goal. It includes skill development, conditioning and strength training, and happens on a regular schedule, at least some of the time under the direction of a professional.

If you're just skating to keep up with the class levels, and to do your rink's shows, you're probably not training.  Even if you're skating every day, you're probably more recreational than training if it doesn't much matter to you when you land that jump or learn that dance, as long as you land it/learn it eventually.

A lot of adults (a lot of skaters in general) slide into a training mode without really thinking about it. Suddenly you realize you're taking 3 lessons, running and stretching before skating, and checking your pulse rate after your warm up, which has now become a serious effort to make you breathe hard.

Why train. Why not just skate?
For adults who are seriously trying to improve their skills, whether it's landing difficult jumps, or dancing with a partner, training mode is a better option, even if you're only skating a couple of times a week. If you think of yourself as training, you're not only helping your skating, and your health, you're helping your brain to take this frankly dangerous activity seriously. I see a lot of adults who won't follow a coach's technical advice because it's hard to fix technique, and they think that what they're doing is fine, it's not like they're in training, right?  So they keep making dangerous mistakes, because they think it doesn't matter.

Training while working
As any adult knows who has tried to have a job, a life, skating, and 8 hours of sleep a night, something's gotta give. For me, it was the job (haha). It was after I left my downtown executive position to teach and run my consulting business that I finally found time to train properly.  Other adults sacrifice the 8 hours--I see a lot of serious adult skaters on really early morning ice. I'm talking the 5 a.m. and 6 a.m. sessions.  When I worked downtown, I gave up lunch in the winters so I could go skate at the nearest outdoor rink, a 10 minute bus ride from my office.

Starting when you retire
This solves the time problem, but brings serious health concerns. Women who start skating hard after menopause should get a bone density scan. If it's problematic, I wouldn't say stop skating, but I would say stop jumping.  And don't skip the conditioning and strength training components. For older adults in serious athletic pursuits this is extremely important. Find an off-ice trainer who understands the issues of older adults, and has some familiarity with the specific conditioning and strength needs of skating (for instance focusing on core has opposed to extremity strength).

Health
While you should understand your limitations (asthma, osteoporosis, certain medications like blood thinners and other medical issues do need to be shared with a medical professional), any reasonably healthy person can skate with no more risk than if they decided to start jogging. I actually started skating again because of back problems--my doctor gave me the choice of PT, surgery, or exercise. I told I had been a skater, and she loved it, because skating improves core strength, where my issues were. Sure enough, combined with the PT, this fixed my back issues.  It helps a lot that I had a doctor who didn't immediately freak out at the idea of skating (some of them do).

Training will definitely help with any weight issues you have, but you don't have to avoid skating just because you're overweight.

Isolation and confirmation
These two things are the biggest issues with being an adult skater. Find a program that honors adults, with sympathetic coaches and understanding of adult issues. This is easy in an urbanized area, where you have several rink choices.  You might end up somewhere farther than you would like, but trust me it will be worth it.

A lot of "good" coaches don't understand the slower trajectory, fear issues and schedule difficulties that plague adult skaters. I have also heard coaches, and I'm talking about coaches who accept adults as students, poking fun at, not only other adults, but at their own adult students. You'll know a program is good for adults if they have a lot of adults, a couple of coaches who focus on adults, and (the gold standard) dedicated "no one under 20" adult practice ice.

If you're in an area without choices, work to make your own coterie. Introduce yourself to other adults. Whenever you see an adult skater, ask them where they skate/train and who their coach is. Set up after-ice kaffeeklatches.

Skating as an adult is incredibly rewarding. I love the dropped jaws when people find out I didn't skate seriously until I was almost 40. Some of my best friends I met through skating.

How do you define training? How do you fit it into a grown-up schedule?

How do you quit?

No, this is not more drama about the rink. This is about how young people move on from the intensity of training.

Even serious recreational skaters train at a level and in a way that is very different from other youth after school activities like student government, drama club or team sports. If you've been a competitor it's even harder, because you're also giving up prestige, and a great big chunk of your identity.

A reader asks:

How do you help your child leave the sport? Mine has started talking about it in a very calm way recently. I think she is concerned she will lose her identity and her friends, but she just does not have the same drive she used to and never seems happy to go to the rink anymore. I feel like I am taking her to some after school math session every day. Only this one is really expensive.

The organization Team up for Youth, studying girls in team sports found the following:

"While many girls play sports in their younger years, most drop out during adolescence. Why? Research shows that girls may face overt or subtle pressure from their peers and families to ‘feminize,’ or to take on responsibilities (e.g. studying, taking care of younger siblings) that prohibit their continued participation. One researcher describes adolescence as “a social and developmental Bermuda Triangle” in which girls “lose their assertive, energetic and ‘tomboyish’ personalities and become more deferential, self-critical and depressed.”* The girls who continue to play through adolescence and beyond are usually those who have developed an athlete identity. Being an athlete is a part of who they are. These are the girls who say, “I am a basketball player!” rather than, “I play basketball.” These are the girls who see sports participation as a non-negotiable.
(full pdf here)

 With girls in solo athletics like skating, tennis, skiing, et cetera, the change is even more fraught, because of the competing social scenes. People at school may barely be aware that the student is even an athlete. My own daughter tried to participate in after school activities in high school, only to be told that no absences would be tolerated for non-school sports. She eventually simply shifted her entire social identity to the rink, but other students may find that they feel pressure, either internally or externally to make the opposite choice.

Skating adds another dimension, because a lot of people don't consider it a sport, and/or don't consider recreational skating to be a worthy pasttime. Some equate recreational skating with failure. The single most-frequent question we would be asked when people found out my daughter was a skater was "oh, have you been to nationals?" This from people who had no way of knowing the answer was "yes." Society doesn't assume that every high school football player is going to the NFL, but this is a common misperception about figure skating--that it happens only at an elite level.

The thing is, there is very little downside to either choice. The tricky part is finding your way through the morass of emotion that is the adolescent, especially adolescent girls. As the reader asks, how do you support this decision?

I'll add a corollary as well--how do you support the decision to stay? This can be just as difficult, because of the social demands on adolescents, and because of the more demanding training as you increase your level.  There are issues as well even if the skater just wants to keep skating--there is a lot of contempt among some coaching staffs for kids who plateau, even the ones for whom that is a choice (adults get this a lot too).

I'm going to pull a page from the late great IceMom here, and throw this back to you. How do you help your skater make the choice to stay or to go, to improve or to plateau?

Testing out

You will often hear coaches and skating moms remark, with just an edge of contempt, that a girl has decided to "just test out," meaning try to complete all of her Moves and Free skating tests by the end of senior year.

There's a funny disconnect in the skating world. While everyone acknowledges that an elite competitive career requires a rare confluence of talent, drive, good coaching, time, a flexible school, and money, skaters who can't or don't pursue this are viewed with pity, or, as I say, contempt.

But "testing out" is a worthy goal, the skating equivalent to four AP courses your senior year, or being a Congressional page-- not every good skater is capable of it.

Skaters get to the "testing out" decision for a variety of reasons. They've stopped competing for whatever reason (time, money, lack of success or loss of interest), but want the gold medal (see below for what this means) to validate their effort. They don't like competing, but love skating and want something external to keep them motivated. They want to be coaches, and the test credential can help that. (At some rinks, you basically don't need any credentials to teach, but many rinks and especially clubs require a minimum of an Intermediate Free skating test of their coaches.)

If you decide to test out, you have to factor in all the same measures you would for competing, because in its way, it's just as intense. You don't need a double axel, or any triples; you don't need level 4 skills, but you do need to follow a calendar, perfect difficult skills, be in really good shape, and impress several judges.

How fast can you move through and where are you starting
To get to the Senior Free Skating test, you have to pass 15 prior tests: 8 Moves (thru Senior) and 7 Free skating (thru Junior). If you're already older, say in your Junior or Senior year in high school, and at a lower level--Juvenile or Intermediate--you need to sit down with a coach, make a calendar and figure out a training plan as much as any high level competitor would. A very strong committed skater can do this in about 4 years starting at Juv or Intermediate. If you don't have 4 years, the hill's a little steeper, but not unclimbable. Know yourself, and assess yourself honestly.

All the factors that are there for competitive skaters are also there for these skaters--time, commitment, a lot of hours of practice, cost. You won't need to skate 20 hours a week, like a serious competitor would, but you will need to skate nearly every day, for a couple of hours, and you will need off-ice, especially at the higher levels, where the aerobic demands are considerable.

Keeping the coach on track
Some coaches consider themselves "competitive" coaches, whether or not they have the track record to back this up. As far as I'm concerned, if you're not getting a couple of girls past Regionals every year, and have never had a National skater, you're not a competitive coach; you're a coach who is feeding your parents a line of hooey. (Boys don't count; it's comparatively easy to get a boy to Sectionals, and even to Nationals.) Competitive coaches deliver medals that count. Otherwise you're a recreational coach. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, unless you're keeping your kids from testing, or suddenly pushing them through when they're high school seniors "so they have something to show for it."

If you're 16, in Intermediate, and aren't working on your second triple jump, take a step back and think about whether pursuing the competitive career makes any sense at all. Ask your coach why he thinks continuing to compete at Intermediate or Novice in your Junior or Senior year of high school is the best thing you can be doing with your skating.

To compete or not to compete
Even if you're not trying to get to Nationals, you should be skating in one or two competitions a year. There is absolutely nothing like a competition to bring out the best in a skater. It's a really good idea to compete just before a test, in a non-qualifying competition where they allow you to compete up a level, so that you can skate your test program in front of judges. Find one that has a judges critique for the skater and coach so that you can get a really honest, outside assessment of where you need work.

You have to remember that your goal in competing is not to win, but to polish the program, and to learn to overcome nerves. Especially now with the IJS, that protocols sheet can be brutal; when you're competing a senior program with only doubles, you're going to be at the bottom of the points, but remember, that's not the point. If you get a little starry eyed and start thinking "maybe", coming in last can really sting, even when you know you don't care.

Don't let the test date define your readiness
Even when you're pushing that college deadline, the thing about testing is that there are endless second chances. So don't think "I must take xx test by xx deadline." There's another test in a month. Don't take the test before you're ready, even if the calendar is making you nervous, because the judges will just stop you cold anyway, by failing you, and possibly yelling at your coach for putting out a test that wasn't ready to pass.

A word about gold medals
Yes, you get a little gold medal when you pass your senior test, and you get to call yourself a "gold medalist." This is a little trick to look for on coaching resumes. If your coach's resume says "gold medalist in free skating" this does not mean they won first place at a competition. It means they passed their senior test. "Triple Gold Medalist" is the Everest of Figure Skating-- it means you passed 3 different senior tests, typically Moves, Free skating, and Dance or Figures. It is not, however, to be confused with competitive success. And trust me, every coach who is a failed competitor is calling himself a "USFS gold medalist." In my experience, and I've taught with some really famous skaters, the really successful competitors absolutely never talk about it, either through modesty or embarrassment ("former multiple World champion, now teaching at Rink Nowhere in Podunk, Nebraska". Think about it).

Leaving home

As the competition schedule heats up, kids on the cusp-- top ten, but not quite on the radar, ambitious but not delivering the medals--are asking themselves, have I gone as far as I can go where I am? I got this email from a young skater in a difficult position:

I am a skater who has gone just about as far as I can in my hometown. I know that if I want to advance I will have to move, but can I handle it? What will it be like without my parents? am I to old to train seriously? Will I make friends? Will it be too tough?

My feelings:

Everyone moves away from home.
Don't worry about it! You're leaving anyway, to go to college, when you are 17 or 18. That said, if you are younger than 14 I believe your mother, or father, or grandparent or much-older sibling has to go with you. I am personally adamantly opposed to the idea of children that young living with the coach; in fact, I don't think any minor skater or other athlete should live with their coach, but I know it happens. If you're 15 to 17, have a reliable family to go to if your own family member can't do it. When you're 17 or older, hey like I said, you'd go away to college wouldn't you? Best choice would be to go to college near the skating program.

What do you hope to achieve.
If you're one of those younger skaters who is contemplating a move, be really really sure that you cannot achieve your goals at home. Younger and untried coaches DO have skaters who achieve remarkable success. Moving is difficult and disruptive-for you, your family, and your career. Make sure it's the right choice.

How do you know if it's realistic?
If you're at a level that you need to move to training center to improve your career, chances are someone outside your immediate skating family has taken you or your parents aside and told you, hey, you really need to think about a better training situation. If you're not quite there, but feel that you're stalled where you are, ask someone trustworthy- a local skating judge, a non-involved coach, or a former competitive skater- anyone who can observe your skating first hand. Across the board, people like these are incredibly approachable, generous, and honest.

The age issue.
If you're about to age out of one of the levels, you have some very tough questions to ask yourself. Are you stuck at a level because you don't have the jumps or lifts you need to be competitive, or is your coach just sandbagging you. If you're a 15 or 16 year old girl without triples (meaning you are probably still at Novice or even Intermediate), you are getting old to have a realistic competitive career, although this, thank god, is changing, as women start skating through college. Look at your competitive record-- if you keep winning at the lower level, but the skills are holding you back, then yes, a change in situation might be what you need.

If you're approaching college age, you quite literally don't need to make the choice- home or skating. Move to the college town with the best coaching situation for you. Do your last year of high school there, or work out an arrangement to finish high school with college courses. There are lots of educational options that schools don't tell you about.

Who will be your coach?
Okay this is the big one. You don't walk into the Broadmoor and expect Kathy Casey or Tom Zakrajsek to just take you based on your self-assessed wonderfulness or ambition. Fifth place in the final round at Uppers has not put you on the map. You have to audition for them. Some high level coaches will invite you to audition, despite PSA rules against this, sometimes they'll accept unsolicited requests. Get hold of a PSA directory, which lists everyone's contact information.

In other words, don't move unless you have a coaching situation arranged.

What is Plan B
What happens if you give it a try, and it doesn't work out--you hate it, or you don't achieve the success you want, or the coach drops you (it happens). Well, you go back home, or back to school. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, or make excuses or feel embarrassed.

That you can even contemplate such a major step at 13 or 14 or 15 puts you in a special category of kids who are able to think past the ends of noses and today's pop hit. Your reach should exceed your grasp, or what's a heaven for.

Do you know a skater who left home to train at a young age?

The limits of talent and desire

I'm the sort of person who does not believe in limits. I especially get my hackles up when confronted with the suggestion that I "can't" do something. My philosophy, and the one I share with discouraged students, is "if someone is doing it, it's possible, and if it's possible you can do it."

But if this was the case, wouldn't every skater have a double axel?

And not to mince words, yes. Every skater that put in the work required IS capable of that double axel. A naturally athletic skater will get it sooner, and more easily. A naturally motivated skater will find the longer athletic slog less onerous because of their inclination to accept hard work. A skater with a lot of time to skate will appear to have learned it quickly, even though they've devoted the same number of hours to it. A more timid skater will have more difficulty than a courageous one. A courageous one may accept falls that she doesn't need to accept, and slow down her progress.

I never tried the harder jumps. I could probably eventually have done them, but I was too scared. So I never tried. In other words, my ability to do an axel is not in question. I believe it. It was my desire to do an axel that got in the way.

This is what I see over and over--skaters, and their mothers, blame their failures, if you want to see it that way, on their native ability, narrowly defining that as meaning athletic ability. But ability is the same thing as body type; it's just another quality that you need to understand and accommodate. The skater gets discouraged, and stops being responsive in lessons. She doesn't practice. She takes one lesson a week. She won't make attempts when the coach isn't there. She jumps from coach to coach, looking for the one who will "give" her the axel (or the double, or the jump sit...).

It is okay to give up a goal. But be honest with yourself. If this goal remains important in itself, for you and not for your mother or your popularity, then don't give up on it. If you're just going through the motions, then rethink the goal. I decided the skating tests and higher freestyle skills were not the best use of my time, and put my energy into the PSA ratings instead.

Understand what you desire and why you desire it. Understand where your talent lies and use that to achieve your goal. Pointless to rely on athletic ability alone, if your talent is persistence.

There are no limits to talent or desire. You only limit yourself.

Whose goal is more important?

I talk a lot about goals on this blog, and I think they're important not just for skaters, but for living. You don't need a GTD® list for daily living or anything, but should generally know where you're going.

The trick with goals of course, is making sure that yours are aligned-- with your child's, your spouse's, your boss's, the universe, and of course, and perhaps most importantly, with the coach.

Skating parents need to practice the following phrase:

"I want..."

...my child to earn all the patches

...to take two lessons a week
...to skate every day
...to find a way to cover costs
...to have him progress faster
...to not have to worry about progress
...to compete
...not to compete
...fill in the blank

You get the picture.

When taking on a student, coaches have a couple of different approaches-- they've privately "vetted" the skater, watching to see if this is a skater with a similar philosophy to their own, regarding work ethic, practice commitment, personality; or they take a student on and then assess how to deal with them. Should they compete? Shall I push a little more or a little less? What kind of time/cost/seriousness can this skater handle?

These are all non-judgmental questions, but coaches look at these things to figure out how to deal with the kids.

Most coaches will have a rough timeline in mind for their skaters.

They don't all bother to share this information with the parents, and even fewer parents share their own ideas with coaches, out of a misguided idea that they don't know enough about skating.

For a recreational skater, the family's/skater's goal is primary. All that's at stake is the skater's interest in skating, so the skater needs to be satisfied. This does not mean that the family and the skater get to choose the content of the lessons. It means if the family doesn't want to compete, they don't compete, and if they can't afford 4 lessons a week, the coach shouldn't make them feel bad about it by comparing their progress to skaters who skate more. (Point it out yes, disparage the student, no).

For a competitive student, the coach's plan takes precedence. If you've chosen to compete at any level, then you have to let the coach get the student to the appropriate skill level. No pushing or holding back, and definitely no micromanaging the lessons.

In other words, it's not whose goal is most important at all. It's making sure that everyone understands what the goals are.

The once a week skater

A discussion popped up in the last couple of weeks, you might recall, about what to focus on during lessons.

For the most part, you'll do what your coach has planned out for you. In most cases the coach has a goal in mind--pass such-and-such class level, introduce higher level skills, get ready for testing or competition.

For skaters skating several times a week-- say a class, a practice or two and a lesson-- this usually will work out without all that much communication back and forth with the parents. You'll be having enough quick conversations, and the skater is getting enough ice time to progress.

But what about the skater who doesn't have a lot of time. What if the skater's goals conflict with what seems to be happening in a lesson? Here's how to stay on track:

Talk to each other
This works both ways. Your coach should be telling you "I want to work on such-and-such, we'll measure success by xyz outcome in # weeks." You should be telling the coach-- I want to pass Freestyle 5, or I want to do competitions, or I want to learn new jumps. Sometimes parents will nudge me back on track, by reminding me of a goal that's gotten neglected, or asking me to test a specific skill, as this morning when a parent asked me to see whether her skater was ready for Freestyle levels.

"I just want to skate for fun" is not a goal. If you just want to skate for fun, don't take private lessons. Just come and skate for fun.

You are the customer
If you want to learn jumps and all your coach is teaching you is Moves, you need to say something. If you don't want to test and the coach keeps teaching you the test, say something. If you DO want to test, you're observing other people passing tests, and your coach is doing nothing, for goodness sake, SAY something. The coach may then have a very good reason for doing this. However, if the coach's reason is "because I don't want to teach you jumps," "just do what I say," or "I don't want to talk about it," then you may want to rethink this relationship.

Make sure your effort matches your goals
You're not going to learn an axel, or, frankly, anything else, if you only skate once a week in lessons. You will simply get the same lesson over and over and over and never progress. If you really can only skate a half hour a week then you goals have to reflect that, and the pro needs to accept it.

If you really don't want to give up the challenging goal, you'll have to find a way to increase your practice time. If cost is a factor, do practice ice without a coach, come to public ice, take classes and see if your coach will do semi-private, small group sessions. Personally I feel that a skater whose only ice time is that once-a-week half hour lesson is wasting everyone's time and their money. It's like playing an instrument-- you won't get any better without practicing on your own.

Home for the summer

I've broken a long reader question into component parts.

Issue: I'd been having lessons with my coach for about two years, but I wasn't too happy with them. I love her as a person, but she'd often be talking to the other coaches or texting when she was supposed to be watching me.
Problem: unprofessional coach, disengaged parents, student unwilling to demand her rights
Solution: read that coach the riot act, then fire her

Issue: we would spend so long working on the field moves for exams that we had little time (in the one half-hour lesson I could afford a week) to work on spins and jumps, and I felt that these suffered as a result, as all our focus was on the field moves for my exam.
Problem: conflicting goals, not enough time, poor communication
Solution: make your goals absolutely clear, and make sure you understand, and that the coach conveys, what it will take to reach them. I'm stunned at a student taking just a single half hour lesson a week being told that Moves tests take priority. It's absurd. Moves is ADDITIONAL, not the only thing you work on.

Issue: I went off to university, with our understanding being that I would continue to have lessons with her in the holidays;
Problem: Huh?
Solution: You hate the coaching style, she doesn't share your goals, or indeed pay attention to you during lessons, and basically wastes your time. Going away to college was a gift-wrapped excuse to move on without hurting anyone's feelings.

Issue: after a year of missing out on skating due to being at uni I'm faced with a 3 month summer holiday where I'd really like to get back into skating, and this obviously must include lessons, otherwise I'll never improve. However, I don't think I want to go back to my coach, for the reasons above - I want to just be a recreational skater, trying things for fun, whereas she'll want to push me towards grading, which I have no interest in.
Problem: see previous issue. You have no obligation to this coach. You haven't taken a lesson in a year, and didn't like the lessons. No reasonable person would expect you to continue this relationship, and nothing in PSA ethics or even simple courtesy obligates you.

Issue: she still coaches my sister it's an awkward situation,
Problem: creating issues where there are none. Many families have different coaches for siblings, to make sure that the coaching style matches the student, to avoid rivalry and comparisons, to accommodate schedules and a host of other reasons, or for no reason at all. There's nothing in any coaching manual that says a family can only hire one coach.
Solution: First, the parents need to observe these lessons and make sure that the coach is not pulling the same crap on the sister as on my reader. I cannot imagine why this family feels so committed to this coach.

Issue: I cannot swap to another rink
Problem-- Need more info here. Is there NOT another rink? Transportation issues? I hear this a lot, and sometimes it's more "I'm afraid to switch to another rink where I don't know anyone"
Solution: make sure this is really true before you rule it out.

Issue: I don't think that any of the other coaches will have space to take me on, and most of them at the rink seem to, shall we say, have a similar coaching style to mine.
Problem: Your rink is a mess.
Solution: Run away and don't look back. No, seriously. Observe some of the other coaches. Look for coaches whose students seem to have similar goals and levels to your own. Tell the new coach in so many words exactly what your issue was with the old coach. The old coach is NOT your coach anymore; neither you, your sister, nor any coach you speak with is under any obligation to report that you are making inquiries.

Reader questions

Re making it all the way to the Senior test:

I've always wondered if there are estimates or stats on the following:

1) what percentage of preliminary skaters will pass the intermediate freestyle test down the road?
2) what percentage of intermediate skaters will eventually pass the senior freestyle test? (Testing only, not necessarily competitive.)
3) To quote from the "keyword search" post, "For children, if you start skating by age 10 you will be landing doubles by the time you graduate high school, provided you work at it. You can pretty much take that to the bank." How likely will this hypothetical population pass a senior test which includes a double lutz?

While I understand what the reader is asking, I don't really concede the utility of the first question, because passing tests is not the only goal that skaters set for themselves. For kids, it's really about when you start and how much ice time you can get in. It's simply that if you set that goal, and make a plan, it's very very doable, especially if you start as young as ten. Chances are the number of people who get to the Senior test is a fraction of the ones who take the Preliminary test. But that's like saying "what percentage of freshmen end up as doctors?" Who cares? If you're not trying to be a doctor, it hardly matters that you don't become one.

A better way to put it might be "what percentage of preliminary skaters who WANT to reach their senior test make it." But then I might counter with "what percentage of 6 year old girls who want to be princesses make it." It's just not a question that can be answered, because there are too many variables and bumps in the road.

Some kids just never, as the reader says, manage to get all the doubles. It might be time, it might be talent, it might be loss of interest. But the lutz is not the best measure. It's required for the test, but on the other hand you don't have to do all the doubles for the senior test. If you've got one really strong one, you can repeat that as a combination, and just leave out your weakest double, provided it isn't the lutz. I've seen senior tests that used a solid double axel in place of a wonky salchow or loop. My own daughter's strongest double was the lutz, so she put it in there both as one of her doubles, and in combination.

The biggest impediment to passing a Senior tests is not the skills, it's the grueling 4-minute program. Everyone who takes a senior test knows that they can do all the elements, or their coach wouldn't be letting them test. But a lot of kids just don't get well enough in shape to skate that long a program.

My point is that you shouldn't fall into the trap of saying "oh I'm one of the xx% that couldn't get to the Senior test." It's that you're one of the successful ones that met a goal, or got as far as time, talent, and inclination sent you.

Preparing for the audition

Auditions for the spring show all done? Disappointed? Here's what to do before the next one.

There was a lot of activity at my home rink in the past two weeks, because qualifying auditions for the spring ice show were coming up. Kids who skate once a week were suddenly there every day, working hard.

The bad news is that it's too late.

The time to start preparing for something like an audition is 6 months ahead of time. Double jumps are not something you can cram for-- it's not like the date of the invasion of Poland, which you can memorize and forget, and then look up when you need it. Muscle memory doesn't work like that-- your muscles won't "remember" the jump unless it was really really solid in the first place. Michelle Kwan can skate once a year and still land an axel. You can't. Once or twice a week skaters seldom achieved that kind of competence. So here's a step by step calendar for preparing for that audition:

At least six months prior
Find out exactly what will be required at the audition--what jumps, whether it's a skills-only, or a program presentation. Make sure your coach knows the requirements and the date. Evaluate those skills with your coach and develop a plan to solidify those skills over the next 3 to 4 months. If you're only skating once or twice a week, look at how you can increase that. My rule of thumb is 30 minutes on the ice for every rotation in your jump repertoire. So if you need an axel, a double, and a double-single combination (5 1/2 rotations) you need to be on the ice about 5 hours a week (including lesson, practice, and class). The time to increase the amount of skating you do is not at the end of the process, but at the beginning. (If anything, you'll drop off a little in the final week.) This is where you'll gain that all-important muscle memory, not in the last 3 days before the audition.

The period from three months to one month prior
Continue perfecting each skill and start to work on conditioning and presentation, especially cardio and nerves. Ask the coach if she can set up critiques with judges or other skaters or coaches to try to emulate the performance (i.e. nerves-inducing) aspects of the audition. Continue working on good technique, and keep skating as much as possible.

The period from one month to one week prior
Confirm the requirements and dates; make sure they haven't changed. Figure out your actual activities at the audition: off-ice warm up, ice entry, on-ice warm up and presentation. You should practice this every time you're at the rink, as well as getting regular lessons to solidify the skills, so that you're not making it up when you get there. Every step once you're inside the building on audition day should be 'choreographed'.

One week prior
Keep practicing as though you're at the audition: do the same off-ice warm up, ice entry, on-ice warm up and presentation. Minor corrections from coach. The skills should be ready. The focus now is on confidence and presentation. Practice smiling while skating (this is harder, and less silly, than it sounds).

Day before audition
No skating. Eat three good meals and get a good night's sleep.

Audition day
If you want, do a brief on-ice practice, just emulating your warm-up and presentation. Your coach can be there, but this is not a lesson. The time for corrections is past.

The Audition
No worries. The jumps and spins are solid, the confidence is high, you're prepared. You've got your nerves under control and all you have to do is smile and skate.

I see a lot of good skaters flubbing auditions because they don't think far enough ahead. For younger skaters, mom and dad need to keep their eye on the prize and work this plan out with the coach. For teens, the coach needs to lower the boom on the skater and get mom and dad on board with the increased skating this far out.

(P.S. The consensus from the judging panel is: work on those spirals. Jeebus, kids, spirals?)

Moving up

I have a new Learn To Skate student who discovered last month that she loves skating in our show (we do two a year). She'd never done it before, because she has a regular conflict with the rehearsals at her level. Her parents found out that free style level skaters practice on Sundays, so she could make those rehearsals.

The ice show is in May. The skater is in Alpha. The parents wanted to know, how do we do that.

Now, to some extent, I rolled my eyes a little bit. The skater is just 5. Her other activity is fun and valuable. By next year at this time and certainly by the Spring show in 2012, doing two classes a week, she will be in Freestyle 1 anyway, so she'll only miss one more show. But there is a way to power through the levels.

Ever wonder about those little kids who have all their single jumps, maybe even an axel, by the time they're 7? They aren't any more talented than your kid.

They just skate. All. The. Time.

Each class session is 10 weeks, 30 minutes of instruction, shared with 4 to 10 other kids. I like to assume that each level takes two sessions to master (some kids move faster, some slower). And really, it's not rocket science, it's just arithmetic: 5 levels (Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, PreFreestyle/Basic 4 through 8) is 25 to 50 hours of instruction (assuming twice through each level). You want to get there by April 1? You need 25 to 50 hours of instruction and practice between now and then-- 12 weeks, so 2-4 hours of lessons and practice per week.

Set your alarm for 5 a.m. and get out your checkbook.

Edited 1/7/11 at the request of a reader.

Your first clue is the screaming

I want to say up front that there are no serious competitive figure skaters without a pushy parent lurking about somewhere. It's a necessary part of the equation, and it's not just the skater they're pushing-- they're also pushing the coach, the judges, USFS and rink management, and we need them to do this.

If you've done your homework and set your goals, then have at it. There isn't a teenager on the planet who really wants to get up at 4:30 to go skate for 4 hours before school, I don't care what Rachael Flatt's press pack says. That girl and every one like her has a pushy mom helping her achieve greatness, and god bless 'em.

Skating needs pushy parents.

What it doesn't need are stage mothers. These are the Skating Moms who think they know better than the coach, the judge, and the skating director, or who insist that their 4 or 5 or 6 year old participate in class even though they're having a tantrum, or who buy their Pre Alpha skater Pattern 99 blades with K-picks because, well, only the best for Princess.

So how can you tell if you're right kind of pushy?

Did the skater set the goal, or did you?
Is your skater aiming at competing in qualifying competitions? Even if you're still in Learn-to-skate classes, if you've discussed this with the kid, then you need to push, which at this level just means telling the kid "you promised" or "you made a commitment" to skate this much, and I paid for it, so you're doing it. You have to read your own kid and understand the difference between pushing him to do something he loves but is hard, and pushing him to do something hard, which he hates.

What's your skater's age?
If your child is under the age of 5, lighten up. If your child is 11 or older and you're sinking money into skating, then push them to excel or make them scale it back or quit. Now, by "pushing" I don't mean screaming at them in the lobby, complaining about them to everyone, embarrassing them in front of their friends, et cetera. Figure out what you need to do to make them fulfill their goals and obligations-- take away the cell phone, make them pay for part of it, conspire with the coach, whatever. If you don't know how to push your teenager, you're in trouble, anyway.

What was that about goals?
Are you goals and the skaters the same? Does the coach know what the goal is, and does she support it? No matter how talented your skater is, if her goal is not to be a competitive skater, you cannot push her hard enough to make that happen. There's a legendary skater at my rink, best skater that ever went through there. She didn't want to compete, but her mother pushed and pushed. So she would just sabotage her final round at Sectionals every year. The skater has to want the prize, whatever it is.

Dino-Boy and Joy Boy
Oh Dino-Boy. What can I say about Dino-Boy. I don't argue with him. Sometimes he skates. Sometimes he don't. He's got me and everyone, including his mother, his sister, and the junior coach, completely in his power. This is a push-resistant kid. They exist. You just gotta go with the flow. I think he'll be a skater eventually, but for now, I just let him do his thing.

JoyBoy on the other hand loves to skate and he's really good at it. Unfortunately, he also loves to mess with you, but you can push him really hard and he'll respond. He'll roll his eyes, he'll stick out his tongue, but you can push. If you've got a JoyBoy, push away.

Pushy skaters
Interestingly, there's a subset of families where the pushy ones are the skaters-- it's the parents who are reluctant. This can be a heartbreaking phenomenon, because minor children are at the mercy of their parents' whims and needs. I've seen kids who had to quit because mom doesn't like getting up at 5-- kid was perfectly willing, but mom wouldn't do it. I have seen families decide that spending on unneeded consumer goods was more important than the child's dream. Dad retires and moves to a community without a rink, and off the kid goes too, kissing the skating dream goodbye. These kids need to push-- for time, for funds, for respect, and sometimes for the right to move away from their families in order to pursue the goal.

You can tell if you're pushing too hard by how hard the kid pushes back. Kids will test you; they'll see if they can resist just a little. Don't give in to the little bastards, and they'll generally step happily onto the ice.

More about pushy parents (the good kind) here.