There comes a point in the lives of young athletes where, after another year of investment in time, work and cash money, the child just doesn't seem to be fulfilling
whatever potential people keep saying they see in her.
It's hardest for skaters, where the dream of the big time is a realistic one. Unlike, say, basketball players, where getting to the NBA is vanishingly rare, in skating, recognizable achievement on a national level happens to skaters at every single rink. Everyone who stays in skating knows national competitors. It's a small field and yes, your talented kid has a legitimate shot.
Parents of talented skaters often get to that place where they wonder if they're being strung along. A skater who trains and trains but never makes it out of final round...well, it's an awfully expensive hobby for a 14 year old.
So how do you know when you're just not going to get there, or, even more to the point, where "there" even is?
"She's a nice skater, but be reasonable."
Don't you just wish someone would say this sometimes? But if your skater is just a nice-skater-but-be-reasonable the coach is not going to suggest s/he go to Regionals year after year. This is because bringing an unprepared or unqualified skater to Regionals reflects on the coach as much as on the skater. Just as you are there to get your skater a prize, the coach is there to show how good her skaters are. So, in fact, if your skater is not a potentially national-level skater, the coach is going to say this.
Waiting for the breakthrough
Every kid will have one. For some of them, it's the double axel. For others it's "whoah I hate competing! How about if I test out!" If you're waiting for a breatkthrough, make sure you recognize it when it comes.
Step it back
Three or four competitions a year is plenty for a child at the Regionals or even Sectionals level. One maybe two serious Club competitions, Regionals and/or Sectionals, one or two no-name local comps to try out the choreo or the new jump. If your coach is taking your also-ran to more competitions than this, you're competing too much. Remember that training for competition takes time away from solidifying the skills. Counterintuitively, you're not going to get better at competition, if all you ever train for is competing. Some of the training has to be open ended just to work on skills.
Who can advise me?
It's hardest for skaters, where the dream of the big time is a realistic one. Unlike, say, basketball players, where getting to the NBA is vanishingly rare, in skating, recognizable achievement on a national level happens to skaters at every single rink. Everyone who stays in skating knows national competitors. It's a small field and yes, your talented kid has a legitimate shot.
Parents of talented skaters often get to that place where they wonder if they're being strung along. A skater who trains and trains but never makes it out of final round...well, it's an awfully expensive hobby for a 14 year old.
So how do you know when you're just not going to get there, or, even more to the point, where "there" even is?
"She's a nice skater, but be reasonable."
Don't you just wish someone would say this sometimes? But if your skater is just a nice-skater-but-be-reasonable the coach is not going to suggest s/he go to Regionals year after year. This is because bringing an unprepared or unqualified skater to Regionals reflects on the coach as much as on the skater. Just as you are there to get your skater a prize, the coach is there to show how good her skaters are. So, in fact, if your skater is not a potentially national-level skater, the coach is going to say this.
Waiting for the breakthrough
Every kid will have one. For some of them, it's the double axel. For others it's "whoah I hate competing! How about if I test out!" If you're waiting for a breatkthrough, make sure you recognize it when it comes.
Step it back
Three or four competitions a year is plenty for a child at the Regionals or even Sectionals level. One maybe two serious Club competitions, Regionals and/or Sectionals, one or two no-name local comps to try out the choreo or the new jump. If your coach is taking your also-ran to more competitions than this, you're competing too much. Remember that training for competition takes time away from solidifying the skills. Counterintuitively, you're not going to get better at competition, if all you ever train for is competing. Some of the training has to be open ended just to work on skills.
Who can advise me?
Many clubs arrange for judges to critique their kids just before competitions, but your coach can also arrange one-on-ones just for her kids, or just for one kid-- your kid. Tell the coach you really want to hear the low-down from a judge in a non-stress situation, from someone with nothing invested in the child, either financially or emotionally. Remember that both coach and parent are emotionally and financially invested in the child. It's important to be clear that you have no problem with this, but feel an objective assessment would help everyone.
Caveat-- do not set up a judge critique on your own. This is a Skating Parent Cardinal Sin. You can initiate the process by asking the coach to set it up. You May Not Contact The Judge Yourself. (I mean it.)
What does the skater want to do?
Sometimes you have to let kids make bad choices. If the skater balks at competing, and her training attitude reflects that, then stop competing. Maybe she'll come back to it, maybe she'll move on, maybe she'll really regret it at 25. But in the end, it's just skating. If she quits, life goes on.
And sometimes, they make amazing, mature choices and turn themselves around.
How have you or your skater handled this conundrum? Let's hear from some older skaters at Novice or above who had to make such a choice.
Posts
"It's hardest for skaters, where the dream of the big time is a realistic one."
ReplyDeleteAre you being serious or sarcastic here?
I don't think the dream of the big time is realistic for the vast majority. Most will never even pass the tests to get to senior, and even then they may not make nationals. But is the lower tier of nationals really the big time? When they are split into two groups, so half the competition takes places in the morning not even with the podium contenders. It's like a separate event.
No one who is 'big time' has trained at my rink. though one area skater from a different rink is currently a senior pair. Most of the skaters at my rink have no realistic expectation of making the big time.
The dream is not achievable for the vast reality. But a higher percentage of skaters who seek it achieve recognizable success on the national stage than in just about any other youth sport. This is partially because the field is small and partially because there are so many rewards at the Sectional/national level. There are 1500 slots Juv and above at Sectionals and Nationals-- I'm not talking about the Olympics. I personally know 3 world champions, 5 Olympians and probably 30 people who went to Nationals at some level.
DeleteBut you compare it to making a professional level of a sport- to me that is internationals; not nationals. If you compare it to playing in college, I would say a much larger number of kids can make it to college division I (and even more when you add in the other divisions) sports than make senior nationals. I don't see making Juv nationals/sectionals 'the big time' at all.
DeleteI don't think it's the same thing at all. Effectively, in skating advanced competition at the national and international level IS the professional track. There is nothing comparable to a "collegiate" career in terms of prestige, celebrity, and relative earning capacity. A skater who decides to skate/compete at collegiate has pretty much decided not to be a competitve skater. At this point Synchro has become a way to have a serious competitive career in college, but until they make it an NCAA sport (meaning scholarships and institutional support), and create a legit professional competitive structure there is really only "skaters who are in college" and NOT a legitimate collegiate track.
DeleteI'm not saying anything about college skating, because effectively, it doesn't exist.
DeleteWhat I'm saying is I'd compare national level skaters to college athletes, and international skaters to professional athletes.
But only 20 or so skaters make nationals in each discipline. By contrast, there are what- 60 people on each college's football team, and hundreds of colleges that grant scholarships.
I don't know where you're getting such a small figure. Sectionals + Nationals (the elite levels) Juv through Sr is a LOT of skaters. Since there aren't as many skaters as football players, proportionally skaters have a better shot, even at what you define as a "collegiate" level of play.
DeleteWe have a pretty wide variety at my rink including two coaches who are professional show skaters, an up and coming synchro team which we believe have the potential to go far, a nationally ranked theater group, several girls who have potential to hit nationals in the next few years. We have also had skaters get full rides to colleges on synchro scholarships. It is not the NFL but it is a sport with a variety of ins to bigger things.
ReplyDeleteRight! I wasn't even thinking about Synchro. Throw Synchro into the mix and Nationals is a real possibility for a lot of kids.
DeleteThat is actually the thinking of a lot of the parents whose kids are in one of our two main synchro groups. Our young group has years to go yet they have already started competing in other states. The older group just switched from ISI to USFSA and there a pretty strong belief that they could go national.
DeleteTo answer some of the other commenters, your kids exposure to world-calls probably depends quite a bit on geographics -- here in L.A. (with 12 million people) we naturally run into a broad range of skills.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting post, and I probably owe it a full thoughtful response on my blog rather than a small comment below the fold (smile). Suffice it to say that a child's skating aspirations often differ from their parent's. And there's a subtle interplay in what we allow our kids to become aware of our thoughts about where they should be heading...
Jeff
(L.A. SkateDad)
Jeff, good point. Yes, in a large market like Chicago you're going to see a lot more skaters-with-a-shot than in a small rink in the hinterlands (I say this with all due affection.)
DeleteI am also in LA (County) so that may be why we have a pretty wide range of talents. I come from a place with three separate ice rinks in one building.
Delete"and her training attitude reflects that" How can you tell if training attitude reflects that? Is there any signs to look? I'm not always can tell if my child is skates because i want her to skate or it's her to wants it? Sometimes I'm thinking that I push too much, I want her to be more focused on ice. Lisa
ReplyDeleteHostile or disinterested body language, not being ready for the ice when the session starts, arguing with the coach, difficulty getting out of the house or out of bed, forgetting critical needs, like skates, frequent small injuries, etc.
DeleteVery interesting post and even more interesting is the wide variety of tangents from various commenters. I personally was riveted by wondering "how to know whether your Nationals contender is really a Nationals contender?" and what sort of objective feedback you'd reasonably expect from a judge invited to comment?? Would said judge truly make generalizations about skaters' Nationals prospects, or merely suggestions for how to improve prospects without letting on how big a gap the skater had to bridge to make the grade??
ReplyDeleteJudges won't generally make specific competitive predictions, but will offer suggestions for increasing point value so you'll be more competitive, asking what higher jumps you're training, and asking about your training regimen, at the encouragement end of the spectrum. At the "not so much" end of the spectrum, you'll get comments about whether your point range is likely to make the level you need, the quality/skill level of your jumps, and the killer question "what are your goals" which from a judge generally means "I really hope it doesn't include getting to Nationals."
DeleteIs it unusual for a skater to work up to senior level and not have Nationals as the goal? Almost all the higher level skaters we know quit when they don't become the stars that they were forecast. Is the skate who skates - puts in the time, money, and effort because they love to skate rare?
ReplyDeleteI know a number of skaters with senior tests who didn't have nationals as a goal.
DeleteOne did all her ice dances throughout high school, but never competed. She switched to dance after phasing out of singles but had no heart for competition.
Another was a guy who "retired" after Novice pairs, but wanted his senior singles test as an achievement.
Finally a friend of mine is in her early 20s and she is working towards her senior free (I think she is on junior right now); something she was unable to get to by the end of high school.
I think there are quite a few kids who phase out of being competitive (even locally competitive, like I said in another comment, I don't know of any skater who trains at my rink who has made it out of regionals) around intermediate or novice but stick around to test to senior.
This is a very common and honorable thing, and it's what I mean by knowing where "there" is. We tend to get hyperfocused on competing at a National level, forgetting that there are other worthy outcomes-- as Jessim says, you can "collect" gold medals (by which I mean highest test in multiple disciplines); there's show skating, synchro, coaching, and yes, there is also quitting. As a culture, skaters are dismissive of if not hostile to kids who don't really care about competition, as though choosing not to compete is some sort of awful failure. Imagine a really good piano player, who works hours and hours a week from the time they're 5 until they graduate high school. No one would think they are weird if they decide not to go to music school.
DeleteROFL - that's actually really helpful thank you!
ReplyDeleteI, as a parent, do not have any "there" defined yet. The kids say that they want to get to the Nationals level, but at their age (5 and 7), they clearly do not understand how much of a commitment this would require. For sure they like to compete, but we'll see what happens with their goals.
ReplyDeleteFrom my point of view, I just think that it's really cool to be doing all these beautiful moves - jumps, spins, glides, etc, and to skate to music... Yes, it's a very expensive hobby for kids, but it's our hobby too. Let's say it's the main family hobby. And it so so cool! So, I couldn't care less if they win any medals (they do care though!) - doing cool moves is enough of an achievement in my opinion. Also, I see other values in skating: character builder, fitness, sportsmanship, artistry...
Maria, mom of 2 skaters: pre-pre and FreeSkate 3
This past spring, the only ice rink in our city was going to close (it didn't in the end). The closest rinks are 2 hours away. It would be absolutely impossible to keep skating at their usual frequency/amount if our rink closed. That made us realize how attached we were to skating, and in what way. The thought that our oldest would not be able to compete at regionals (pre-pre) this fall, and other competitions, was sad, but bearable. The thought that she'd never learn double jumps, layback and I spins, and our youngest will not even learn all her single jumps and three basic spins, and all other things they both want to learn - that was heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteMaria (the above "anon")
OK, a bit confused by the statement "...our oldest would not be able to compete at regionals (pre-pre) this fall,..."
DeleteIsn't Juvenile the lowest competitive level at regionals?
Also, I love how USFS describes the female skaters as Juvenile Girls but they get an instant upgrade at the Intermediate level to Ladies.
Juvenile is the lowest qualifying level. But, at least in our region, there are non-qualifying levels at the regional competition. There are even no test levels. It's a much bigger competition than any other local club competition, groups are bigger, so it's more fun (and it's tougher) to compete there, and it's a way to meet fellow skaters from other areas and make new friends.
DeleteI also don't understand the math you are using... I'm pretty simple. Any amount of skaters can skate at regionals. But they can only skate in one level and in one regional skating event. So only 12 skaters in one level can advance to sectionals. Right? So just to make it out of regionals, you have to be one of 12. Then to make it to nationals, you have to be one of four. Four girls (or boys) in each level.
ReplyDeleteUnless you qualify in an alternative fashion: "In general, skaters qualify for the U.S. Championships in one of six ways:
Placing in the top four at the current season's sectional championships
Placing in the top five in a senior event at the previous year's U.S. Championships
Winning a medal at the most recent Olympic Winter Games
Winning a medal at the previous year's World Championships
Advancing to the current season's Grand Prix Final or Junior Grand Final
Earning an "international bye" based on proximity of an international assignment in the current season to the sectional championships"
12 skaters (24 in pairs and dance) x 6 sections x 4 levels = 864 skaters in Sectional competition every year. Not nearly the 60,000 in collegiate football, but youth football is vastly bigger than figure skating. There are 165,000 members of USFS, which includes active skaters, parents, coaches, basic skills students and competitors. At the rinks I have taught at, only 10% of participants are competitors. If this percentage holds across rinks, then that's just 16,000 kids even trying to compete. about 2500 of them go to regionals, and more than 800 end up at Sectional and Nationals. I'm not trying to say that everyone who competes is has a fabulous chance. I'm saying that compared to other youth sports, someone who commits and pursues that goal is more likely to have a real shot than is the case with other youth sports.
Delete6 Sections?
DeleteAm I messing up the sections again? Somebody fix my math!
DeleteThere are 3 sections, each with 3 regions.
DeleteAnd a singles skater can only enter one level. It doesn't matter that there are juv-sr - they can only enter one event. So the numbers are off.
DeleteCan a single skater also enter as a pair?
DeleteOnly if they also have a partner. ;)
DeleteAnon, haha! BEC-- yes, you can enter as many disciplines as you can handle-- so you could theoretically skate pairs, dance AND singles. You can only enter as one gender (not as silly a statement as this used to be, and actually included in the rule book). You can skate different test levels in different disciplines, within some constraints, but you can only enter any given discipline at one single test level (i.e. you can skate junior Pairs and Novice singles, but not Junior AND Novice singles). You cannot enter the team disciplines with more than one partner or team (this goes for Synchro too, in other words).
DeleteOne more thing to throw out. I was recently looking at the USFSA website and looked at the stats for gender. If you have a boy, apparently only 18% of skaters are boys. Also if you have someone who does pairs or dance only 4% do these. This means that if you have a male skater or a skater who has found a pair, your chances of seeing success skyrockets. Where else can a boy shine?
ReplyDeleteHowever, even if boys stay in singles they have a really good chance of making it to nationals, just because the numbers are so low. So while there's an incentive for girls to move into pairs and dance, that doesn't hold true as much for the men. What I don't get is why competitive, athletic boys don't get out of the overcrowded team sports, where they're bench warmers, into skating, where they'd be stars. (oh right, that would be "gay" something something glitter)
DeleteYes this has just started to dawn on me as I have 2 skating sons and a skating daughter. Two skate pairs together and I'd originally had ideas about youngest son also doing pairs to keep the coaching arrangements in the family ... but as time grows nearer I find myself less enthused about having to fit in with another family's schedule and run the usual risks of missing a comp/season due to partner injury/illness. With good odds in singles there's not much incentive for boys to skate pairs.
Delete%18? Where did you see this? I'm really curious because that is much, much higher than my own observations.
DeleteI wonder if BEC is looking at the ratio of boys vs girls at Qualifying comps? Because, yes, at actual skating programs at rinks it's closer to 2%, just empirically observed.
DeleteMy number was pulled off the USFSA website but I cannot find the exact page again. This is a link to a fact sheet that states that the percent of male at 24% but shows an 18%. The numbers in the fact sheet don't make much sense (I am a statistical researcher and I cannot figure out their numbers!)
Deletehttp://www.usfigureskating.org/content/FactSheet.pdf
OK found the stat I quoted. From the PDF on "Making the Transition from Group Lessons to Club Membership" from the parent section of the USFSA website. I misquoted the number of males. The quote from the PDF is "The participation numbers in the qualifying system break down as 80 percent girls/ladies, 12 percent boys/men, 4 percent pairs and 4 percent ice dancing. "
Deletehttp://www.usfsa.org/content/Making%20the%20Transition.pdf
Thanks, I'll check it out.
DeleteI don't have much experience with LTS at all, but I can tell you that at the two rinks that I regularly skate at her in the Phx. area, the number of boys (i.e. <18) is 2 - 4. There are actually more adult males.
The more "training-center" oriented rink in our area does have more boys though.
We were approached for pairs and my son decided to go for it and he really likes it. He is only at an ISI level so it doesn't really "count" yet but he is having fun and still is skating solo. What is nice is that the other family has stepped in when I have been at work and has brought him to the rink for me and also got him involved in dance and other things that he would not have gotten into himself so the pairs has become very advantageous.
ReplyDeleteWhile this is not us, there is another pair at our rink where the boy's mom is a single parent and does not have a lot of money to spare and the girl's family wants to do pairs so badly they are shelling out the money for the girl and the boy!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh and the whole gay thing. That one really irks me. A mom at work was commenting that she needed a birthday party idea for her 8 year old and when I mentioned a skating party she said that she would never do that because they are boys! We have had three boy parties for my son at the rink and each was a hit. When I sent out invites for the third party one of the moms told me that her sons had been asking when the next party was. Still none of these boys signed up for skating lessons but we get no teasing because the boys in my son's class have all experienced skating and realized it was fun. I actually threw the first party and invited a bunch of kids so that over the next few years there would be no harassment from male classmates. It worked.
ReplyDeleteBEC- that is brilliant! Blog post coming up on mitigating teasing for boys in skating, and that suggestion will be on there!
DeleteOne more suggestion for getting boys knowledgeable about skating (to avoid the teasing issues) is to encourage the cub scouting belt loop and sports pin. We also did this. I know our rink has some kind of option for scout groups to come to the ice. One more way to get boys on the ice.
ReplyDeletehttp://usscouts.org/advance/cubscout/sports/ice-skating.asp