Lighten up

Just to lighten the mood a little. If you're not offended by at least one of these, I'm not doing my job.

Q-How do you get two show skaters to skate in perfect unison?
A-Shoot one.

Q-What's the difference between patch skates and an onion?
A-No one cries when you chop up patch skates.

Q-What's the difference between a skating judge and a trampoline?
A-You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q-What do you call a show skater with half a brain?
A-Gifted.

Q-How many skating coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
A-Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much better their technique is.

Q-How do you improve the aerodynamics of a skating instructor’s car?
A-Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

Q-What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead competitive skater in the road?
A-Skid marks in front of the snake.

Q-What do ice dance instructors use for birth control?
A-Their personalities.

Q-What's the difference between skating judges and terrorists?
A-Terrorists have sympathizers.

Q-How do you put a twinkle in a skater’s eye?
A-Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q-How does a skater change a light bulb?
A-She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

Q-What do you call ten skating judges at the bottom of the ocean?
A-A good start.

Q-If you drop a figure skating judge and a watermelon off a tall building, which will hit the ground first?
A-Who cares?

Q-What's the definition of an optimist?
A-A skating instructor with a mortgage.

Q-What's the difference between a skating judge and the PLO?
A-You can negotiate with the PLO.