Arguing in front of the children

Announcing the Worst Coach Behavior of the Year: two non-involved coaches loudly arguing about a student's ability, during her ISI test and in earshot of the coach who was judging. When they discovered that they both agreed about this student's lack of ability and the judge's incompetence, they moved on to criticizing each others' students and coaching ability.

With any luck, the premature announcement will not be trumped by even worse behavior. Every time I think I've seen it all, someone comes up with a new way to give this sport a bad name.

It is vitally important when working with children, that you keep one phrase in mind, and it's a phrase that comes up in every ethics statement from every coaching organization you could name: ISI, USFS, PSA, Positive Coaching Alliance, you name it:

"The best interest of the child."

Clearly, it was not in the best interest of this child to disrupt her test, nor in the best interest of the other children that these coaches may have to teach in class or a show, should their opinion get back to them or their parents (and trust me, it will). One has to assume that these coaches knew that, so what were they thinking?

Well, they weren't thinking. They were being frail humans and were confronted with a situation that was frustrating to them in terms of this child's test readiness, the wisdom of putting a test on a practice session, and general non-collegiality. But coaches and teachers cannot do that. You cannot give in to human frailty when a child's feelings are involved. Take it to your therapist, or your spouse, or dig a hole in the ground like King Midas' tailor and whisper your frustration into the earth (although that did not turn out so well for him).

Before you shoot your mouth off in front of a child, ask yourself these questions:

Do you have all the information?
Why was a judge passing a child that other competent coaches did not consider ready? There's a big red flag right there; clearly there was something happening here that they did not understand. If you see something suspicious, hold your gob until later, then, assuming that it's any of your damn business, ask someone in a position to know what was going on.

Did the situation warrant any comment at all?
See above, "is it any of your damn business."

Is there a rulebook or ethical violation?
First, this is not the child's fault, and should not be brought up in her or his presence, or in her or his parents' presence. Because you might be wrong. Once you publicly question someone's ethics or competence, it's out there, and will reflect badly on both of you in the end. If you suspect an ethical violation, talk to the person in private, explain your concern and ask for clarification. If it's a rule violation first check the rule and make sure your understanding of it is correct, then take it to the rule breaker and ask for clarification. If it's simply that you don't agree with the rule, tough. Take it through the system and try to get it changed.

Would you tolerate this if it was your own student?
'nuff said.

Would you want someone behaving like this in front of your child?
If the answer is yes, please stop coaching, and for that matter, having children.

Would you behave like this in front of your mother?
Ah, the mother test. No, you would not. Your mother would likely smack you up side the head and send you to bed without supper.

What horrible coach behavior have you observed? I suppose I should start taking nominations for next year! UPDATE: See today's Ice Pact for a post on when it's appropriate to say inappropriate things!