Mar 18, 2011

Get over it

The ice schedule was passed down from the mountain and is not going to change.

You won't get better if you don't practice.

Pretty much everyone gets the axel eventually. Showing up for lessons and practice might help.

There's this thing called the internet where skating rinks post all kinds of useful information, like that form you claim you never got.

Falling hurts.

She's not going to be competing at the Olympics. Not in figure skating, anyway.

Children will get pissy if you let them. If I don't let them, it's because I'm a good coach, not because I'm a bad person.

Your skater is not more important than my skater.

It's not your imagination. That other kid is better than your kid.

Shut up and pay the bill.

Your coach is fine. If he isn't, don't complain about him to all and sundry, just for god's sake get a new coach. I frankly am not interested in the reason.

If you skip a level it will catch up with you eventually.

Repeating Beta will not affect your child's chance of getting into Harvard.

The specialty figure skate store knows more about skates than your grandfather, unless your grandfather is Don Jackson.

If you got good gossip about Other Mom from Mom Who Knows Everything, you can take it to the bank that Other Mom got some good gossip about you.

You're right: it totally sucks that that other kid got passed and your kid did not, even though your kid is a better skater.

If your child is falling way way more often than the other kids in class, it's not because it's slippery, or that she's trying harder things, or that the coach is not paying attention, it's because she has a possible neurological condition and needs to be evaluated by a medical professional.

In non-qualifying competitions, there is an inverse relationship between the cost of the costume and the talent of the child.

There is no correlation between the cost of your car and the talent of your child.

9 comments:

  1. In any competition below qualifying rounds, the kid in the thousand dollar dress will probably not be the winner

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anon- you nailed it. Added to list!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Same AnonymousMarch 18, 2011 at 10:37 PM

    Sometimes, someone will accidentally get in the way of your jump setup/spin/video camera. If you're about to crash into another skater, I recommend you focus on stopping and/or dodging -- reciting right-of-way rules is not highly effective at this point.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Same Anon- or, to put it more succinctly "I'm coming through, get out of the way!" :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Or George Spiteri.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I! LOVE! THESE!

    My personal addition

    "No one is a morning person when it comes to 5:00 AM ice. Stop whining and skate."

    ReplyDelete